Project Backwards; Chapter Sixteen

A Chapter by Michael Stevens

Chapter 16:

Steve came to in a laboratory of some sort; there where jars with colored liquid in them, and shelf upon shelf of gadgets of all descriptions. A tall man with a droopy mustache and a big nose was bent over some sort of device, although from where Steve was, he didn’t have a good view of what it was. The man spoke into something,

“Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you.” Nothing but static came through the speaker attached to the device.

“S**t, the fricking thing doesn’t work!”

Steve though to himself, Alexander Graham Bell, and this must be the telephone! Just then, Bell seemed to notice Steve for the first time.

“Ah, Steve, you’re finally awake. Sorry about the noise, but I’m trying to transmit the human voice, and so far, no luck!”

“Ah, the telephone.”

“What kind of dip s**t name is that?”

“What? What are you calling it?”

“A Human Noise Projector, why?”

“A Human Noise Projector? If I were you, I’d rethink the name.”

Bell grew angry; “Oh, you would huh? Tell me, who’s the inventor here, and who’s the idiot leach/sponge?”

Steve decided he’d better back off. “No disrespect meant. So, this is the Human Noise Amplifier, huh?”

“A Human Noise Projector!”

“Oh, forgive me, a Human Noise Projector!”

“Why me?” said Bell. “I’m trying to get Watson in here, so we can work on The Automated Human Head here, but so far, no luck!”

“The Automated Human Head?”

“Lord, are you dense! Yeah, I’m working on an automated human head to take drive up carriage’s orders for the idea I had for a chain of restaurants that serve mutton stew to the masses, but so far, all I can get it to say is,

“Hello, welcome to Stew Hut; boy, is your mamma ugly!” We’re still tweaking the idea. You knew that!”

I did? Stew Hut? thought Steve. “Ah, I’m much more intrigued by The Human Noise Amplifier.”

“Huh, Projector; a Human Noise Projector!”

“Sorry, Projector!”

“Personally, I see no practical use for it, but I do want to make it work so The Automated Head can take the people's order.”

“Sir, I think your wrong; I think it’s a much better idea than ‘Stew Hut’.”

Bell grew red in the face. “I think I’ll try this thing one more time.” He said, “Watson, come here, I want to see you. Steve here is pissing me off!”

Immediately, an excited guy that Steve took to be Watson rushed through the door. “Sir, I heard you! I heard you say Steve is pissing me off, plain as day!”

“Well, I’ll be dipped. I got it to work. Okay, Watson, let’s get to work on the automated head; we need to get it to work, to say the right words.”

Watson glanced at Steve, and said, “Sir, aren’t you excited about The Human Noise Projector?”

“Oh, for s**t’s sake; not you to? I’ll tell you what; if you’ll both stop bugging me, I’ll apply for a patent; there, are you two freaks happy? Now, come on, Watson, it’s Stew Hut time!”

Steve slipped out of Bell’s laboratory, shaking his head. Boy, was Bell ever different than the history books made him out to be. “Get me out of here!” he shouted, and after a couple seconds, everything faded to black.

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