'Camping Made Simple'--fake advertisement.

NOT a story; Gary and Larry Berry present...!

“Camping Made Simple”

A how-to video from the Berry Brothers

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“Ah, there’s nothing like communing with nature; just you, a vest-shirt, old jeans, a growth of stubble on your face, petrified underwear, and your wits, against nature’s fury!  When you purchase and watch this how-to video from Gary and Larry Berry, you’ll know all about becoming Backwoods Bob.  You’ll learn how to prepare yourself for roughing it by drinking as much liquor as you can safely hold and still drive your camper before you leave, so that you will not remember just how bad of a time you had, and just how ripe an un-washed human body can get after only the first couple of days.  You’ll learn valuable skills for surviving on canned chili, beer, canned ravioli, and beer.  You’ll also learn how to cover your un-washed stench by walking through your campfire smoke several times, thereby preventing several large, hungry, killing-machine predators from catching your putrid stench, assume something died, slobbering up to you and, using your reeking body-smell, zeroing in on you and closing their vise grip-like choppers around your puny little head, devouring you like people jerky.  You’ll also learn how to judge just how much beer and cigarettes to bring along.  It sounds unimportant, but we can’t begin to tell you how many campers have run out of one, or both, tried to hike to the nearest store, become disoriented, and the rescuers sent to look for them find a starved-to-death, or frozen-to-death lifeless corpse.  Needless to say, dying on a camping trip can ruin the entire experience!  In our video we’ll teach you to enjoy your camping experience without dying, hopefully!”