'The Bloat-Bag All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Restaurant'--fake ad; NOT a story!

A new restaurant for people looking for value (cheap!)

 

The Bloat-Bag All-You-Can-Eat Buffet

Restaurant

Advertisement

"Hey there, people, Skip Over here to ask you the $3.99 question: are you looking for a restaurant where you can snarf enough chow to feed a small third-world nation?  Well, your search is over!  When you come into The Bloat-Bag All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Restaurant, strap on you feed bag, because you'll be wobbling unsteadily away so gorged with food, you'll need a bridge just to span your swollen stomach!  Ham, roast beef, turkey, fried everything, mashed potatoes slathered in so much real butter and sour cream, you'll keel over from just looking at it!  If you're watching your cholesterol, watch it somewhere else, cause we don't really give a s**t, and we're betting that you don't either!  The Bloat-Bag All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Restaurant; it's an institution!  As in it's just like institution food; sure it's not the best, but, hey, what else to you expect for only $3.99?  That's right, for only $3.99, you'll get to load up, and I do mean 'load'!  Bring a jacket with many pockets; that way you can probably steal enough food to make dinner free for a week!  Now, that's not the way it's supposed to work, but let's face it, everyone knows and expects you'll be doing that.  We'll pretend not to notice when Uncle Frank walks away with enough bread crumbs falling out the bottom of his pants, people will confuse him with the Pied Piper!  Add cheese and meat, slather his legs in butter, and his lower half would be a walking ham sandwich!  So, your family will be walking in to eat at The Bloat-Bag All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Restaurant; only you should bring some sort of cart, cause you'll be wheeling them home!"