Thirstin the Unexcited

Thirstin lived a very grey, very unexciting life. The shirt and sweatpants of his daily uniform were both grey and unexciting. His shabby charcoal apartment in the basement of the complex on 185^th street oozed the unexciting dullness of Thirstin.

          The only exciting thing that Thirstin had in his life was his job. Every morning at seven, Thirstin would take the subway to the upper east side of the city. Sipping a cup of watery grey coffee, he would pluck every single leaf off of every single tree within his reach. Then every evening when the clocks tolled five, he would lumber back to his unexciting flat and gaze at unexciting reality shows late into the night; a warm beer in one hand and a cold hot-pocket in the other. Luckily for him, he got weekends off.

          “I’m not crazy; I just think life should be unexciting. That way no one can get hurt by hope and expectations.” 

Thirstin would announce this to anyone who would stop by him and watch, with horrified faces, as the piles of emerald leaves would grow higher and higher.

          The police did not find his occupation all well and good, either. In the beginning, Thirstin would have to run for blocks when any man in uniform would cast an eye on his work. Now, years later, the police have given up trying to catch the de-leafing scoundrel. For what Thirstin has not realized is that a wealthy patron has paid to have every single bare tree that is left every night be replaced with a lush, green one. By morning, people were surprised to find their blocks back to normal. Rumors circulated. The trees were magical, said some. It’s a sign of the zombie apocalypse, swore others. We’re all living a dream inside a dream! The ideas snowballed.

          Thirstin never caught on. And the police never knew who this mysterious patron was.

_________

          One day, when the grey breath of the clouds shrouded the sky and the northern winds were blowing down mercilessly on the city, something odd happened.

          Thirstin was standing on a rickety ladder he found at the dump, plucking leaves and deep in thought on why life must be so colorful.

Pluck, pluck, pluck.

          “Who needs green?”

                   Pluck,

                             “Purple?!”

                                      Pluck,

           “Blue?!?!”

          As if God himself heard Thirstin’s squabbling, something blue caught his eye. Looking down the street, he saw a blue jacket fixing the leaves he had just plucked back onto the naked trees. Of course, there was a person in that jacket, but the sheer shade of blue (a bright lapis) distracted anyone from looking at who wore it. If you must know, the girl inside it had pale brown hair, pencil straight to the navel with a thick row of bangs to match. Eyes the color of sapphires and a cheery, crooked smile were fixated on her current occupation.

          Fiona’s nimble hands wrapped the scotch tape thrice around stem and branch as Thirstin, in a huff, walked over.

          “What is the meaning of this? You are ruining my unexciting goal of making New York unexciting!” His voice cracked as the last word left his mouth.

          The glittering gaze of Fiona turned to Thirstin.

          “I have an exciting goal to make the world even more exciting; especially New York. I’ve been watching you pluck the leaves off the trees. What an odd, exciting lifestyle. I thought I’d join you, but instead tape back on the leaves. They look prettier on branches, than off.” She went back to her work, humming softly.

          Spluttering and flustered, he turned, pretending to walk back to his end of the block, but instead he ran around to the other side of Fiona’s tree and started ripping down the taped leaves.

          “Hey! You don’t see me attacking your work, now do you?” Fiona dropped the tape and put her hands on her hips, “You don’t even know what I’ve been doing for the past few years, do you?”

          The ripping stopped.

          “Whaddya mean?” A quizzical look shined through his grey rain cloud.

          “Just meet me tonight at the Italian restaurant two blocks from here,” and she walked away.

________

          Thirstin stood outside the restaurant, feeling violated from being ripped out of his unexciting life, almost like the leaves he plucks daily. Looking up, he saw the jacket before he saw Fiona. She strolled into the restaurant as if she owned the place, which is plausible since it was called ‘Fiona’s Little Slice of Italy’. Thirstin pondered this.

          He followed her inside, perched at the end of his chair across from her, and squirmed as the rich, festive atmosphere closed in on him.

          “Well,” he muttered, “get on with it.”

          Cocking her head to the side, Fiona stirred the straw in her glass of water before straightening her back and taking on a business-like air.

          “Alright, fine. I own this restaurant; it was passed down to me from my grandfather. It is very famous, and is still very profitable. I have been watching you for years, seeing you meticulously strip the trees bare around the place. I was confused and angry: why would a person do such a thing? But my grandfather told me; maybe he has not been exposed to the exciting or the beautiful. So, I started to have the trees that were bare be replaces with leafy ones. I thought you’d catch on and stop this madness, but you haven’t. That is why I made my appearance today. Also, the tree-replacers are in an uproar that they have to plant trees five days a week, all year round. Good thing you don’t work weekends.”

          Thirstin sat in silence as the background music played a jolly Italian tune.

          “That is why I told you to come here tonight. I have decided to bring you excitement, joy, hope, and happiness. Cesare, bring out dinner, please.”

          Thirstin looked up as a massive plate of spaghetti and cheese and meatballs and sauce was laid out in front of Fiona and him. She extended a fork to him as he looked at the food reluctantly before taking a mouthful.

          As the hot, saucy, delicious dish touched his tongue, Thirstin stayed silent.

          “Well?” hope and impatience glimmered in her eyes.

          Thirstin looked up and smiled. For the first time in his life, he was excited.

 

 

The end.