Take it to lose it

I had to do this story for GCSE coursework. It isnt my best but the head of english at my school said she really enjoyed so i want to see what other people think. I am only 14 but i want your full oppinion as harsh as you want because you all are probab

‘Take it! You’ll like it I promise, its good stuff no crap honest’ Rose urged the spliff towards my clenched hand. ‘I don’t do drugs Rose. I don’t want any ok leave me alone’ I objected forcing the spliff in Rose’s hand away from me.

            Rose and I had been best friends since we were in infant school were we used to play with Barbie’s and smoke chocolates cigarettes. Things had become a lot grimmer since those innocent days. Rose smoked drugs not chocolate and anything just about everything else she could get hold of she smoked. I often considered disappearing from Rose’s life and leave her to her own devices but I new I probable couldn’t forgive myself if anything happened to Rose down to her addiction. So I stayed with Rose, I didn’t leave her side we were inseparable we did everything together other than one thing. I hadn’t touched drugs in my life plan to start doing drugs either, but each day I followed Rose down grimy Alley way’s full of scum bag’s and dealers to buy whatever drugs she was in the mood for that day.

            Your properly thinking if I was her best friend why did I let her do these things, I tried really I did everyday I’d plead and beg until I was blue in the face but it was no use. Rose wouldn’t stop, she wouldn’t cut down she was well and truly addicted to the stuff and it started to show.

            She looked ill, her face was white and pasty and her eyes were bloodshot and in a constant drained, drowsy state. Her once gorgeous mane of blond hair was bleak and lifeless and she was always in a buzz and always anxious fort the next fix. Everything my best friend was she wasn’t anymore.

            It was Saturday night or in Rose’s words “Part-aay night”. We were going down to the flats, the usual hangout for the main dealers and users alike. We walked in all but silence and I looked in awe at my once beautiful confident happy bubbly friend and the monster that had took her place. ‘I want this to stop!’ I ordered grabbing Rose by the shoulders. Rose laughed and broke my grip of her and carried on walking spinning around in circles. ‘ROSE I mean it, your stopping now I can’t continue to watch you like this!’ I cried trying to grab her again but failing to stop her in her circling spin. She stopped and fell to the floor in laughter ‘Ooh Maddie you worry to much, you no you really should try some like I said it’s the good stuff’ She winked offering me the joint again. I snorted ‘Me have some what and end up like you! I doubt it if you don’t stop I’m telling the police and I swear I will do it!’ I threatened whilst pulling rose to her feet. She gasped sarcastically and giggled quietly to herself ‘I tell you what’ she chimed ‘I will stop IF you try some’ she smirked. I furrowed my brow ‘No rose that’s not even a possible exchange is it? I’m not taking it rose and that’s final. By this point we were at the flats and we walked towards the bins were the dealers tended to hide out. ‘alright then Lillie but that’s the only deal I’ll take so I guess I’ll go have fun now whilst you watch bored out of your brains whilst I get lovely and stoned’ She chortled still with a twinkle in her eye trying to change my mind. It worked. ‘Ok rose’ I snapped ‘Give me a drag, but only one and that’s it and then we leave no more drugs’ I ordered my hand held out for the spliff. ‘that’s my girl’ she grinned ‘but not this stuff, it’s good I’ll give it that but If you want a real good time then we need something stronger’ she laughed. Then mumbled something to a dealer and he handed over a little bottle. ‘Let’s go party’ Rose sang. We walked into the flats and took the lift to the 10^th floor and knocked on the door of one of the flats. I was scared but as usual Rose took the lead too confident for her own good. The door of the flat opened and a bellow of smoke flew out choking me making me cough. Rose gave me firm daggers like I was embarrassing her. ‘Err hey there I’m rose’ Rose grinned eagerly. The man she was talking to her was tall and pale like Rose but his skin was tattooed and he was all ready extremely stoned and his head drooped and his eyes were puffy. He didn’t respond to Rose’s greeting ‘What you got kid?’ he asked. Rose took the little bottle from her pocket and lifted it to his face he bent over to have a better look his bald head catching the dull lighting in the corridor of the flat. He smirked and turned his head and called to who ever was already inside ‘Whoa guys Kids got some good time’ he bellowed ‘Come in kid, just remember we share drugs right?’ he said. Rose nodded and we followed after him and coward behind Rose frightened and scared. The flat was small and dirty, there was so much dust it made a cover over the door frames and the floor was brown but like it had once been another colour. It stuck which I no is common sense seeing as the flat was full of druggy’s but the smell was overpowering and I found it hard to breath but tried not to choke as I remember the daggers Rose had gave me for choking last time. We walked into the living room and gathered across the floor and the torn cigarette burnt settee where about 9 people. 5 men and 4 woman all of them stoned out of there heads. Most of them barely looked up as they entered the room they were too engrossed in rolling a spliff but one lady looked up and her eyes widened. ‘Bloody hell Gary you’re going to be letting toddlers in soon! There just kids’ She said a bit angry. She turned her head to us ‘Guys what you are doing with yourselves? This is no place for to young girls get out of here for your own sake’ the woman said sounding truly concerned. I wanted to hug her right there and then and grab Rose and run out of there and then but the man obviously named Gary glared infuriated at the woman. ‘Clara mind your business will you, they’ve got good stuff so there allowed in ALRIGHT!’ he argued pushing her down to the floor. I was horrified and fear struck I wanted to run now regardless of whether Rose came with me however Rose smiled like she agreed with the man and grabber my hand and the man led us to the circle of people on the floor surrounded by tin foil and needles and the odd lighter here and there. They looked mummified except from the lady who had warned them to get out she sat on the settee next to another woman and although she was smoking something she didn’t look half as bad as the rest of them. We sat down and my body was shaking and a felt like I was going to be sick. ‘Guys we got some Flash’ Gary cheered taking it from Rose’s hand and holding it up ‘shall we precede with the session my friends’ he leered. They all stopped what they were doing for a moment and all chorused in a little celebration. The “Flash” was paced round the circle each person putting a bit on one or two drops on there tongues. I kept my eyes on the bottle staring at its every move. ‘Rose err what’s flash?’ I queried she smiled at me ‘Awesome stuff babes you’ll have some fun with this crap’. The bottle came to me a young scaring looking man passed it to me he looked like the kind of man you would never stay in the same room alone with, he had that funny look about him. I grasped the bottle tightly my hand still shaking. ‘Rose wh-what do I do with it?’ I asked eyeing up the bottle suspiciously. ‘Tip the bottle back and squeeze gently, let only a few drops in your mouth it’s strong stuff’ she explained. I shakily lifted the bottle and tilted my head slightly I squeezed and the moment one drop touched my tongue my head jilted back and I was done. I was scared to have anymore and passed it on to Rose who laughed at my fear and drop about three drops in her mouth before Gary grabbed the bottle from her. ‘Oi little girl I don’t want to call an ambulance whoa there ok!’ the man said. I figured he wasn’t really concerned about Rose’s welfare, more about the idea of people coming and seeing he’s drug polluted flat.

            The stuff didn’t take any effect on me really but Gary said sometimes its takes hours for any change. I was actually more hoping there wouldn’t be any change. Everyone Carried on smoking and Rose included whilst I sat looking stupid until a weird lady covered in piercings came and sat by me. ‘Hey there you look a bit- well sober but don’t worry chuck we’ll change that soon enough’ she winked and placed some tablets in front of both me and her. They were different colours with faces on them. I wanted the woman to leave me alone and take her drugs with her but I could see she wasn’t planning on going anywhere anytime soon. The woman looked at me strangely ‘Love there E’s you look like you’ve never seen them before’ the woman laughed at me like I was mad. I didn’t dare tell her I had no idea what they were I was too scared. I just joined in her laughing wishing Rose would come and rescue me. ‘Come on then, are you going to have one or what?’ the woman questioned rolling her eyes as if she thought I was a bit slow. I just sat there and slowly nodded shaking but I picked one up and popped it straight into my mouth and swallowed it as quickly as I could without a second thought. ‘Woo-hoo Go on girl’ Rose cheered coming and smiling at me. She looked a bit gazed out already not like she didn’t always but I could tell she’d taken something else. She lent over and picked up one of the E’s and through it back and swallowed it and then took and second one ‘for good luck’ she smirked chucking a second back. I went into the kitchen trying to avoid further meetings with anyone else. I stood scared and frozen in the cold dismal kitchen. I opened the fridge. It contained a number of things i didn’t recognise some alcohol and not much else. I grabbed a bottle of vodka and sat in the corner getting covered in grime and sat gulping every drop down I don’t no how long I was sitting there for but it took until me to finish the bottle of vodka to move.

            I threw the bottle aside and stood up. My head felt dizzy and everything was distorted and i sank bank into the corner my head spinning around. I sat for a while and then in the corner of the kitchen there was a creature it was looking at me eyeing me up like it was going to eat me. It was walking towards me it was only the other side of the room but it took so long the creature didn’t reach me and sat there staring at it rocking myself The creature was going to get me and once it did what would it do. The thing walked slowly its feet spreading out on every step it took its time like it new there was no get away for me. I screamed as loud as I could until it felt my lungs were going to explode No-one came maybe my screams weren’t as loud as I presumed it was but after a while someone walked in. It was the guy the strange looking guy that you wouldn’t stay in the same room as. Although I’d been scared of him earlier I was overjoyed by his presence. The creature didn’t leave but it retreated into the corner. The man laughed at me and walked over to me. I gazed at him and then burst into hysterical laughter, he laughed too ‘Arr I see the Acid had kicked in’ he laughed and picked me up and through me over his shoulder. I didn’t hesitate I didn’t care less. He walked into the living room and I briefly saw Rose collapsed on the settee on top of a few of the people from earlier.

            The man carried me into the bedroom and through me onto the bed. I hallucinated for a few minutes colours were not as they should be and it felt like I could see things I should hear and was hearing things I should be doing and my head was spinning around like I was in a kaleidoscope. The man had climbed on the bed as well and he lay next to me. I chatted complete rubbish to him and he joined in talking complete rubbish back before I new it he was on top of me snogging me. He wouldn’t stop and I was weak against him and we wouldn’t get off. My head sang 1000 thoughts most absurd nonsense but one was very believable indeed. My thought from earlier “I wouldn’t like to be in the same room with him alone”. That thought was coming into place right now and I couldn’t escape it until a sickening feeling filled my throat and my tummy felt like it was coming out of my mouth and then it happened, however disgusting it possible saved me. I was sick I through up everywhere hopefully into his mouth more than anywhere. My eyes rolled into my head and I was spinning and blacking out. I saw him get of me and tut in disgust he spat on me and left and then I was gone Unconscious, lying in my own vomit. I don’t no how long I there but suddenly I jolted and suddenly shot up sitting up on the bed. I couldn’t quite remember what happened but I stood up stumbling like a new born foal trying to find my feet but to be honest I reckon I’d have better chance as a horse trying to find its feet than right now. I used to grimy, filthy walls to support myself an I stumbled into the living room hoping that the man wasn’t in there.

            He was there, the woman who had given me E’s was there, the Lady trying to save me from all this was still there, Gary was there and a few others were there. Then I saw Rose lying face down on the floor. I walked over to her as quickly as I could, trying to avoid contact with the man from the bedroom. I slumped to my knees next to Rose. ‘Rose are you ok’ I cried. ‘It’s all groovy babe’ she chimed. I left out a brief laugh ‘I’m so proud of you babes your truly are my bestest friend in the whole world I love you till forever’ She announced proudly. ‘I didn’t pay much attention I tried to lift her up with not much look then she was sick, All over the floor. Gary had a look of disgust on his face ‘ergh everyone out this session is a bit out lived’ he said trying to shuffle everyone to the door. ‘but I can’t move her by myself’ I protested glancing at Rose. ‘I can help’ The man from the bedroom quickly offered. ‘No!’ I protested rather loudly, the kind woman from earlier looked at me raising her eyebrows then nodding. ‘No worry’s Ben I’ll help’ she said, once again I could of hugged her.

            So me and Clara held Rose up from both sides with the man from the bedroom and then woman who gave me the E’s behind us with a few more people following along we all got in the life and worked our way down. There was silence by most of us in the lift other than two of the druggy’s who were pointing at each other in hysterics of laughter. The man from the bedroom now discovered as Ben stood opposite me Staring at me uncomfortably and I looked at my feet and the beer bottles in the lift surrounding them.

            When we reached the bottom floor we walked outside slowly as I kept walking in the wrong direction. We sat Rose down on the curb and I sat next to her and The Clara stood next to us with her hands on her hips like she was protecting us and the man from the bedroom stood a few metres away on the phone ordering a taxi. I looked anxiously and tried to decipher what he was saying to the taxi driver though a lot of what he was saying just went over my head. I think Clara clocked the look on my face because she came and sat next to me and put her arm around me. ‘What happened beaut?’ I put my head down and burst into streams of tears, she glared at Ben but he didn’t see. ‘Honey what did he do? Did he hurt you?’ she quizzed me looking as though she was going to burst into tears herself. ‘He was on me’ is all I could manage. She did shed a tear now ‘Evil *******, sweetie did he touch you? ‘ She continued to question. ‘He he kissed me, that was it’ I stammered she sighed slightly. She stood up and walked over to him and started arguing with him. I couldn’t quite hear what they wear saying I was in a gaze and was kind of doing the whole hearing colours and seeing sounds, It was all black!.

            Suddenly Rose was being sick, uncontrollably and for about 2 minutes none stop and then blood was coming out and she was choking and her eyes were rolling into her head. We couldn’t stop her and we didn’t no how to help her. Then inconveniently the vodka decided to make an appearance and I was also being sick. By the time I had finished begin sick so had rose but she was lying on the pavement she was muttering harshly ‘It’s coming the creature it’s going to get me’. ‘She’s hallucinating’ clara said ‘what the hell has she had Ben?’ Clara screeched. ‘I don’t no the kid took anything going!’ he stuttered nervously. ‘phone an ambulance Ben!’ Clara ordered he didn’t move. ‘BEN phone an ambulance!’ She ordered angrily he didn’t move from the spot he was standing. ‘Ben PHONE A BLOODY AMBULANCE NOW!’ She bellowed. He didn’t move at-all he looked like a zombie, it was actually really scary I didn’t no an explanation for what he was doing. I ran over to him and grabbed the phone from him and dialled 999 as fast as I could.

            I put down the phone and went to pass it back to Ben. I hesitated, he looked at me like I was his prey he had evil in his eyes, he pounced like a lion on it’s prey I was thrown back to the curb as he jumped on me. He held me down my head smashed of the curb and a leash of searing agony swept through me. I struggled and kicked him and somehow got lose I ran away from him but he got up and grabbed a broken bottle and chased me. I no this man wasn’t the nicest of people he was probably the lowest of people but what he was doing he didn’t seem in a right mind. He seemed evil, determined he wanted to hurt me and I think drugs had helped him with this. He reached me and through his arm around my neck and he smashed the bottle of my head.

DARKNESS

            I woke up. I could hear machine’s beeping and a musky smell of cleaning products. My eyes took a while to adjust but I soon realised I was in hospital. I tried to sit up but failed, I was weak and the pain in my head remained just not as severe as before.

            ‘Oh my God sweetie your ok’ My mom was sitting next to the hospital bed she got up and I could see her face covered in tears. ‘What happened?’ I mumbled. ‘Sweetie you were knocked out there’s a big wound in your head and your system contained drugs’ mom explained to me. ‘Ben?’ I gasped remembering ‘He’s gone, don’t you worry you wont see him again’ my promised me. ‘I’m sorry’ I whispered, ‘No honey it’s ok your safe now that’s all that matters I just never expected this’ mom assured me. ‘What about everyone else?’ I asked concerned about what happened to Clara. ‘Everyone on the soon is being prosecuted and possible jailed’ mom explained ‘No!’ I gasped ‘Clara, saved us, she helped us get out away from it mom away from them she didn’t do anything she Saved us!’ I cried. Mom bowed her head. ‘Mom, what’s happened?’ I ordered ‘MOM tell me’ I begged. ‘I’m sorry sweetie I really am’ she murmured tears sweeping her face. I was confused.

            ‘ROSE!!’ I suddenly realised. ‘Mom’ I cried ‘where’s Rose!’ I ordered. ‘MOM’ I bellowed. ‘She’s gone sweetie she’s gone’ mom looked up her face stricken was sadness and overcome with tears. ‘No’ I wailed, ‘NO- no-no-no-no!’ I bawled ripping the chords attached to me from my body. Mom tried to hug me, I didn’t want her, I wanted Rose but Rose was gone, dead I’d never see her face again, I’d never hear her voice or her contagious laugh, she was family to me and now she was gone forever.

Drugs! What are they, they ruin lives they destroyed mine and took my best friends and now I was left with nothing. An empty place in my heart and deep sickening thought constantly pounding me telling me I could have avoided everything. I took drugs to stop Rose taking them now she’ll never take them but this wasn’t the way I wanted it to end. I wanted t hurt Gary for so long, Ben, the dealer, the woman who gave me E’s and everyone else there, I wanted them to pay they should suffer for what happened to Rose but it was inevitable it was bound to happen one day. You never think it’ll happen to you! It didn’t exactly but it took my best friend and nothing will change that, nothing will ever bring her back. She’s gone forever.

 

By Molly Martin

 

Author's Note

Hi again. Like i said i want honest oppinions i want to improve and i can only do that with peoples honesty. Please keep in mind this was a draft so there are a lot of mistakes but i would really appreciate tips and ways i can improve.
and if your reviewing it you obviously read it so i thank you so much you dont no how much i appreciate it :) xx

Reviews

[dusk1107]

wow... I think this is totally amazing! I read the whole thing before I read your notes, andI must tell you, I was even more amazed when I saw your age! I agree with formating and small gramatic issues for any improvement, but as far as content, I think you have done a brilliant job!!! Looking foward to more of your work!

[Greg Close]

Hi! Great story arc, one of those endings you kind of anticipate with a bit of dread in your stomach. I like that you had them escape the flat. It provided this kind of false sense of relief, like maybe they will make it out of there unscathed... and then you "spring the trap" while they're on the curb. Really helped to ramp up the drama! Grammar and format are your biggest enemies, here - good news is, that's the easiest thing to fix, if you work on it. The hard thing is coming up with something to say that's worthwhile, and you've got that. I'd just suggest keeping up what you're already doing and also reading a whole bunch (because that helps you put your own stories in the right structure - pacing of paragraphs etc - and get as much out of school as possible while you're there. A good teacher can really help with the details. Thank you for sharing!

[Tina Kline]

I think this is a really really good story. It has everything a story needs: It has emotion, a good plot, the main character the reader cares about, threat to this character and loss. Not counting the grammer and spelling errors you have a fantastic story here. I suggest more paragraphs to break up the writing would help. What a wonderful story you've written!

Tina

[Sidewalk]

Okay, I liked this. The grammar and spelling needs work. Also, some paragraphs to break things up will also be good. I also think the last paragraph is unnecessary as the reader can come to their own conclusion quick enough. Overall, this was pretty decent, especially from a 14 year old.