Triggered

Depression isn’t a constant state of sadness

It’s not even predictable

He comes out of nowhere

In the middle of the night

First thing in the morning

He doesn’t care if I’m having fun

Or with my friends

Or at the gym

He comes out of nowhere

Quick as a storm

And just as dangerous

Swallowing me

Engulfing me

And down I go

Once I’m down, there’s no standing up

Not for hours

And when people ask if I’m okay

As they always do

I don’t even know how to answer

Because nothing is wrong

And I have no reason to be upset

Yet I am

It’s so much more than sadness

Its heartbreak and physical pain

I stop breathing

And I try to sleep it off but I can’t close my eyes without sinking even lower

I’m not okay

Nothing is okay

What’s wrong? Everything.

Don’t try to understand

When he’s triggered

It’s done 

And I don’t stand a chance

I’ll numb it

Or try

And nothing will work

So I’ll collapse and eventually fall asleep

And have nightmares

But anything’s better than being awake

And feeling so empty

And rejected

No one is ever there for me

How could I let them

They’d never love me if they saw my dark side

They probably don’t love me anyhow

I hate him and everything he does to me

I need a doctor

A friend

Anything

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the real life feel to the poem. Depression is a inner demon hard to defeat. Hard to defeat and harder to control. I like the description of depression in the poem. Most of us struggle with some form of depression. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote