Mist

We used to fight all the time

Curse words and names

You tore me apart

Because I could never hurt you

Like you hurt me

I would just listen

Barely defending myself

I would do anything just to stop the fighting

But now that it’s gone

I would do anything to get it back

You were wretched and critical and cruel

And I couldn’t stand you

I told you so all the time

You made me miserable 

But when you weren’t making me miserable

My god, I was so happy

As miserable as you made me,

You made me ten times happier

It’s a mystery

I’m not sure when it began to slip away

Us

Maybe it happened when the fighting stopped

I thought it meant we were getting stronger

But maybe it just meant you stopped caring

Our fights were stupid

Jealousy and selfishness and passion

They were stupid

But they mattered

And then it stopped

I hope you loved me once

You don’t now, I’m sure of it

But there must have been a time

God it kills me

The fighting didn’t destroy me

I fell in love with every epithet

It was when the fighting stopped.

When you began to fade.

It’s impossible to hold on to mist

But I tried

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

For leaving

For wanting to leave

For letting us fail

And I hate myself

For not being enough

For not fighting back

For missing you

Being with you was a suicide

But I’d rather self destruct with you

Than spend a day without you here.