Where Did You Go--

unspoken words to a substance abusive parent

Some days,

you acknowledge your problem.

Most days,

you can hardly remember last night.

The doctor says

another drink will kill you,

Your conscience says

one more cigarette will not hurt you.

Have you forgotten what you are leaving behind--

The man you used to love.

The daughter whom you abandoned.

The son you have spent so many years building up.

And me.

With you gone,

my sanity, my hope,my prayers

also disintegrate into the air

in which you will take your last breath.

How can you be oblivious

to the lives you are affecting--

Do you comprehend

anything I am saying to you--

It is depressing that I expect

nothing from you anymore.

When did I become the parent,

and you the child--

Why am I carrying your limp body,

weighed down with depression and drugs,

up the stairs so my friends will not see you--

Where did your respect for yourself go--

what happened to your reputation--

You could have not put me in the car

when you put a bottle of wine in your bloodstream.

I was too young to know,

too naive to understand.

I thought your mood swings were healthy,

and your demeaning words were

well deserved by my stupid, inconsiderate,and  adolescent self.

What made you disappear;

I wonder what goes on in your brain.

What made you disintegrate into a blank,

empty body--

When I look in your eyes,

I see no one.

Your words

do not make sense.

Your thoughts

do not make sense.

The fact that you have deprived yourself from daylight for days

does not make sense.

My whisper or my scream,

you will still hear nothing.

You have dug yourself such a detrimental ditch

that you cannot crawl out of alone.

Your only hope for help is a single prayer.

You still have not realized your problems enough to pray.

Your emotional abuse has left

scars in my personality.

You have no goals left in life, no motivations.

Soon, six feet under you will lie.

You have had many chances to flee,

yet you are so weak you cannot even get off of the couch.

You limit yourself, disable yourself to ever heal.

Please, I want you to see my wedding.

I want you to meet my kids.

But all you will be seeing

is the inside of your eyelids.

My friends are not going through this

and I feel alone.

Your suicidal thoughts have influenced

my view on life.

It took me a while to realize the gift of life and

that I should not take it away from myself.

Did you ever think this would happen--

You have weaknesses and problems,

but so do seven billion other people right at this moment.

Try to abandon your unhealthy habits,

you are familiar with abandonment.

Reviews

[Dogbomb3]

Great work. I really like the contrast of the opening lines.

Some days . . .
Most days . . .
The doctor says . . .
Your conscience says . . .

I thought you could have developed that more.

[friendsandfamily]

I can really put my self in your shoes with the way you write this essay. All the problems are stated clearly and the response is just waiting to come. Really good poem, keep it coming!