Imprisoned in the Past

A Poem by Molly F

unspoken words to a substance abusive parent

The longer you lock that image of me inside your head, you restrict me to change. I am changing but you cannot see it. You have an image of me and that is all you see. Trust me, I am not the same person. Release me from your judgments. I have enough on myself already. Try not to be overwhelmed with your embarrassment that you are not the person you want to be, at least just let me be me.

I am stuck in the middle. I have nowhere to go. Yet, no one is paying attention to me.

They only remember my importance when I am gone.

They want me to stay in these chains, but I want to leave.

I am not the only one who is stuck; you are more stuck.

You cannot move.

You have not been able to escape the mental state you entered twenty years ago. You also have not been able to escape the consequences and side effects of your actions.

Sadly, that was your decision. The repercussions that affected me were not my decision.

Free yourself of your bad habits, and I will wander free. I will not be stuck in a cage full of worries.

Keep yourself trapped, and I will be trapped right there with you.

Be careful, I am trying to escape. With the help of others, I am on my way out. Once I am gone, I will not want to come back.

If you let yourself go - if you let me go - I will go.

But I will come back.

Stop containing me in your own problem. I will come back.

Why is this so hard for you-- Why can you not let yourself go-- If you do not have enough strength now, will you ever--

You will never be free from this trap. I will never be free of constant worry and uneasiness. You could have freed both of us, but now you do not have a choice. I will try to forget you and the habits weighing you down. At the same time, you will be the one thing always on my mind. That is something the therapists cannot change.

Stop lying to yourself and surrender.

Go to rehab.

I will see you in visiting hours. You will be waiting. You will finally escape the dense fog of emotions associated with the habits that almost killed you.

I told you I would come back.