Contemplation

A stream of conscious piece written in the midst of haunted house living.

                                    Contemplation

 

 

 

 

sitting in the bottom of a whisky barrel, fermenting mind, body wreaks of suicide. flower petals filter through like sunlight, but yellowed whites because dying is the new disease. i ponder things like chemical cover-ups, political motives and rape. pass around a leaf inside my mouth like its chewing tobacco, envisioning second hand pollution and ignorant trucker hands. sharp words from reptilian faces i have known..white clouds interrupt the silver screen across a blue sky..so random and fleeting i must have hallucinated. my guitar gently weeps for all the lost desires and fires that were distinguished by the mortal fears and frauds that plague the fleshy world. entranced by the shards of prismatic beauty brought about by the carefree minds of souls who know..who think they know..or perhaps want to know.. jerked away to a grassy landscape..far and free, but eerily so, like in an old black and white film. serenaded by the purring roll of the tape, the raw art of visual communication. a crossroads. At least, in my recollection, standing there..ah..yes..it’s all coming back to me like in a dream, except this is an intense moment of deja vous..a memory i imagine. the blue sky, white clouds, and tranquility...yup, indeed a memory. I sat here once before. in this grassy field..meditating..alone..within a vision..complete and utter aloneness. the last one left on earth. like now..but slightly less awkward, i mean, the bottom of a whisky barrel isn’t exactly my idea of a profound connectedness with the universe. BUT, it is most definitely a great place to sit and think a while. there’s not much else to do down here after all..except rot.

 

um..so.. death. yeah..It’s the new cool. I always was a trendsetter..damn it. i shouldn't have taken all those chemicals. government conspiracy laxative poisoning. f**k. fluorescent lighting and paper napkins. where did all the UFOs go? is neptune still a planet? if my eyeballs fall out before my teeth, please throw me into Lake Eerie. I was once a poet, a musician, and lover..but the ATF got me and sold me to the Russians, who dressed me up like a china doll and whored me out to zillionaires from Dubai. Tied me up with opium chains, and fed me to the wild hogs. But those tusks are worth far more than any strung out sex slave, believe me..they got what they deserved. Fuckers. Did I mention how bad this place smells? 

 

I once jumped out of a moving train because i wanted to see what the world looked like spinning around at that angle.

 

Suicide.

 

Jesus said "Come Follow Me", then poured several rounds of koolaid, and put an entire community to rest for all eternity...a*****e.

 

My hands and feet were always my favorite parts of my body. Because I respected them, and they took care of me. Damn toxic vapors. A test tube subject, that’s what I am. Would you like to be a donor??..why yes, is that good karma? is it simply avoiding bad karma? when I toss a coin into a well or koi pond.. who hears my wish? and is there a wish factory that employs underage children to work on the production line for less than what I through in it to begin with?? Are they fed? Spam burgers , I bet. Fuckers.

 

 

 

 

By Heidi Green 2011

Author's Note

Because this is stream of conscious, punctuation and capitalization seemed more of an obstacle in expressing the full emotion of the piece. In my head, I hear this being read in the style of "Fear and Loathing".

Reviews

[TLK]

This certainly is stream-of-consciousness... at the moment it is quite opaque to me, because I don't think my own consciousness fits it. However, I am certainly interested in reading more.

[moksha]

Thanks for the input. It is very fragmented and may come off as being rather dark, as my mind state at the time was a byproduct of insomnia.