on the edge of break

SPRING BREAK!!!! well...when are we gonna get rowdy?

the days of hanging out in empty bars

while my brother plays nine ball

and drinks s****y beer

with his high school chums

are over.

21 came and went,

and the crutch of drinking

finally snapped under my leaning frame.

it's been six years since

skeleton hands snatched away

any joy from this unnecessary time off.

w****s and douchebags pack their SUVs

and make pilgrimages to the coast.

I crack open an oak barrel

and don't sleep until

i've licked the bottom clean

alone.

I want to open old wounds

in the blackness of an empty apartment

and not consider how I arrived

at this current state

both miserable and beautiful.

there's a face i remember

that for one instant

acheived such beauty

it left its lips upon my heart

that will remain until the day

i mercifully meet the darkness.

two years of preparing for that moment,

and all i have is a picture to remember

that God can be benevolent,

even to a dirty mind and soul.

it may be Spring,

but ice still litters the ground.

cold or warmth makes no difference,

for there is only time.

Time enough to end it all again

and start anew once more.

Reviews

[TLK]

There's a strong theme here, but I'm not sure if the language and imagery truly capture it. You TELL me about your despondence and self-hatred, but I don't get enough of a FEELING for it.