what a waste it all was

It’s 12:24 and I’m on my second to last night of duty.
Dan asks me if I’ll still write poetry
I say yeah.

It’s freshman year and my brown hair
Dyed blonde and then back to brown
Is a little thicker.
I have only 3 tattoos, not 5.
My virgin body thinks it’s an accomplishment
To go three weeks without jerking off.
The dyke down the hall fooled me,
I just thought she was punk.
I finger-banged a senior
On her bed while Oceans 11
Sounded in the background.
I didn’t know what a female orgasm looked like
Until that night.
A few months later and I’m drunk and stoned
On top of a girl who doesn’t know my name,
My birthday, my favorite food, or my past
She lets me do what I want
Because it’s college and that’s the way it is.

Things get blurry and all of a sudden it’s sophomore year.
The freedom of last year is gone.
I hook up with one resident on a lonely duty night
Three years later and she’s still after my junk.
I smoke a lot because it’s easier than talking to people.
One tanned girl with long black hair catches my attention
And I’m so f*****g lame I put a crayon picture she drew for no one
On my wall.
I like being around her because it makes me think
Of the girl I left behind.
People who shouldn’t-- die, and I’m still here.
Spring turns to Summer.
A ghost finds me where I expected,
It’s finally time to let her go.
I cut myself loose from cardboard and screws
And I’m right back where I was.

Junior year begins and things don’t look better.
In a month I turn 21 so I start drinking a lot.
I keep promising myself I’ll quit smoking,
But it takes some time to make up my mind.
The short blonde hair girl from training:
Why do I still think about her?
A few false starts
Before I say f**k it
And show up at her door with a pumpkin.
She flirts but I’m too stupid to realize it
Three months later we’re boyfriend/girlfriend
She’s the only one who ever kissed me first.
Life goes on, but it’s different.
The year fizzes out…

It’s senior year and I’m pissed.
I live in a phallic building
And all I want to do is graduate.
Random job applications and classes I’ll never need
Suck up time I could use
To make lasting memories and so forth.
I look at her and realize
She’s gonna be my wife.
It’s right there in one big moment
All the suspense gone,
Someone took a fork to my balloon.
Nothing’s new, Nothing’s cool.
A real been there done that attitude.
Coors Light and Dry Roasted Peanuts
In my underwear watching television
When I should be studying.
Some s**t happens
No one notices
The End.