I am not My Corrosive Mask

A poem about hiding your true self

I am not I

I am not you

 

I am a problem child

I have faith in others, trust in all

Yet bad things overtook… and I began to fall

Looking for escapes from life as it is

No routine: every Thursday, the weekly pub quiz.

 

I am not one

I am not two

 

I tried it all, making it better… or worse?

I can quit this escape but what remains is the curse

Feeling like a test subject: Frankenstein in the office, media in the air

To the lack of anything bar social care

 

I am not ready

I am not prepared

 

I… it must be, just can’t be like ‘them’

Wish I could go back… to the age of ten

Take back all the pain I did cause

Still sometimes my life is stuck on pause

 

I am not steady

I am not scared

 

 

So now and then I’ll try to figure it out

But all I accomplish is one more shout

Now I believe I can improve, but for all I don’t know I can’t learn from myself

Just hide once again: under the radar �"going stealth

 

I am not him

I am not her

 

I don’t blame anyone, I blame myself �"understand

So why when I sit can I never fully land?

Clarity from overdose �"too much hell

For now I have faith �"never learnt to tell

 

I am not here

I am not there

 

Surely… only up I can go? I already reached my all time low

Too much insecurity, I need not show

I do try, but why, for what you ask?

To rid everyone of this: corrosive mask.

 

I am not

I am just me

 

Accused of everything from abuse to theft…

So what’s left? Lies, confusion, a damn Cuckoo’s nest?

What will I say this day and time: this is the end…

The conclusion line