blue

1:11am

i can almost feel your fingertips tracing my back

the ghostly touch torments my skin

i slam my face into my pillow and scream as the memories invade my consciousness

every kiss, every time you rubbed your thumb across my hand, every time our bodies collided, the sudden silence

i can't make any of it stop

psychological pain

it feels like your heart is suffocating in the sinkhole of your chest and your brain is all you have left to emotionally react with

yet at the same time your head is exploding in scorching pain because all you can see is the face that caught you before you fell in the darkness but suddenly let you go when you started bubbling with love

i can't stop the stinging tears streaming down my cheeks, that you once held in your hands while you kissed me

i can't remember how to breathe

do you remember when i showed you venus in my front yard or when we went camping and all you talked about was bigfoot or when you kissed my head on the transit on a late night back to my best friends house or when you played Loose Lucy on guitar for me?

because that's all i can ever f*****g think about

but i forgot all the times you said you loved me

can you blame me?

Author's Note

this is a poem about events from january-february, so i wrote it as if i was still in that moment