Residual Effects

Memories can be unfair

 

 

Residual Effects

 

Why do I always answer the phone even after seeing his name flash on the caller ID.

Here I am in a situation-

Stagnant yet safe relationshit (no typo) when the one that got away (sigh-I might as well be fully honest!)

No

The one I let go for the sake of said relation-in-s**t called me per my fucked up request to still remain “friends” I’m selfish as well as masochistic.

Oh how scandalous it was when we met:

Me, the (still) unsatisfied minx sipping a martini while weighing the options of being alone or being bored at a semi-dive. I was also waiting for him to show up; after meeting him at a lounge while knocking back drinks with some girlfriends. He was there with club soda-was he recovering…just didn’t like the crisp taste of vodka, I wasn’t sure but when his light browns sought and destroyed my reddish (tispy-ish) browns I did not care. I feigned a headache and left, making tracks to the subway.

He followed

We stood on the platform for the train like a teenage couple in love; smiling while he took off his bomber jacket and protectively placed it on me despite my weak protests. My cell rang but I ignored it, didn’t need a buzz kill, or guilt.

Right before the uriny air from the E train swooshed in, I received a kiss that was worth the possibility of catching mono. He held my hand and walked me on the train and I felt him pressing paper into my left hand before the sliding doors closed short. His name and number was written in huge letters…

I kissed a stranger!

 

I catted around with him; this man who was supposed to be a temporary thing suddenly became my co-conspirator. He held back giggles as sad excuses floated out of my mouth explaining my where-a-bouts. Every time I started to feel guilty, he would do something so delicious that I was able to justify my infidelity-to myself that is. I fancied myself the cosmopolitan until he uttered four little letters. I repeated those letters and that brought on a discussion that was our downfall:

 

      “Choose Me.”

      “I can’t, I have time invested with my intended babe.”

      “Don’t give me that s**t! You’re just scared, or are you just playing us both?”

      “I don’t want to hurt him; he’s going through a lot…”

      “Then give me back my damned key.”

 

Our love nest was to be no more

He was right-I was scared

I settled for a pathetic sure thing when happiness kissed me on the forehead and wished me well

He got even (in my mind) and met someone else rather quickly

My arrogance chortled-then he gave her my key

 

Oh, we dance differently now

We both complain about the people who love us; although it bothers me that I tend to b***h way more than he

I chide him when he rants

He offers friendly (starting to hate words with friend in them) support and I want more

It sucks…

“Tell me how truly miserable you are; that you miss me as much as I miss you

Tell me that you forgive me and that you really don’t love her like you do (not did!) me. I swear I won’t let you down again, I won’t be so f*****g stupid or scared

Give me back my key!”

 

Of course I never say those things (I’m such a p***y)

When we talk, I give him enough bad luck dialogue hoping he would put on a cape and ‘rescue’ me

Fool me once, shame on you…(he’s no dummy)

 

He promises that we will meet up for coffee sometime (right) and he never forgets to remind me that I deserve to be happy.

 

      “You need to cut him loose already!”

      “So that we can be together?” muttered

      “Huh?”

      “I said ‘ok’” we both know that will never happen

 

Now, whenever we hang up from each other, I can feel his lips on my forehead-more and more it seems so final

 

 

Author's Note

It's been awhile since I've posted ;) Yet another piece from my life

Reviews

[SPINNING ON that dizzy ..]

Ahhh man. This is such a difficult dance - well described and evidenced here.... It took me a long time to loose the sure s**t (no typo - haha) so I know of what I weep..... You can sure tell a story there lady - I can see this with the smoke and music in the background and the train clanging and the muted laughter and spotlight on the faces when they are lying.... or not telling the truth .... to each other...... hmmmm.

Well told story - sad no less....

Kath

[B. Boileau]

Wow ! Very relatable,atleast to me. I've been in those friendshits (no typo)
amazing and discriptive. Left me wanting more. (Sorta in way like the real thing)
Thanks !