Attention Needed

Dark days...(A new piece)

 

Attention Needed

 

I am barely holding it together

 

I eat, I drink diet tea, eat some more, take fat burners, eat some more, take a water pill (with diet tea), eat some more and…eat some more

 

I wake up in the morning cramping.  I feel better after I am cleansed from the inside about 3 times within 10 minutes.

 

I take medicine after screaming at my daughter in the morning while getting her ready for school.  I hug her and kiss her and beg forgiveness.  Then I take more medicine and nap-when not eating,

 

I cancel my doctor’s appointments and only show up to refill my prescriptions.  I am reminded that I haven’t had a check up.  I nod my head and then get my meds.  F**k ‘em.  I’ll be back in a month. Wash, rinse, repeat.

 

I feel weird.  I can’t remember certain things and it scares me.  My boyfriend understands me, sort of.  He calmly peels me off the ceiling when need be and tries to relax me.  We have great sex; I am blissful.  I need him.

 

Sometimes I just cry for no reason which is weird because the pills I take for depression and anxiety are supposed to work, right?  My world is a wonderful place when I am sleeping.

 

I think I forgot how to dance. 

 

I am going to buy some laxatives.  It makes me feel better when I take them after I eat. 

 

I eat

 

Author's Note

Sometimes it's hard to explain...

Reviews

[Janyce Helen Van Es]

I gotcha-I'm there! Except I don't take my meds anymore. Too afraid of the side effects. My brother died of those side effects.
I cry a lot-I eat too much and have become obese and diabetic because I am in a relationship I can't end. Co-dependency-and very expensive. He has a lot of problems of his own. I already have IBS so I don't take laxatives. If misery loves company-we're pals for sure.

I think it is screaming and not creaming-caught that. I scream at my husband. My daughter won't talk to me anymore-says her adopted mother is her only mother now.