46. Try, try again

~Some explicit phrases~

My nostrils felt defiled by a rotten stench as I woke up. I looked around and leaned into Pat's chest, pulling on his shirt. I breathed in his scent, panting and shaking. "Shhh, doll," Pat whispered as he rubbed my back. I removed my head from his chest and looked up at him. He gazed lovingly at me. "Good morning, beautiful. How'd you sleep?"

"Shh. Don't talk," I insisted as I buried my head in his chest again. "Nightmares. Rotten smell. All I woke up smelling was rotting flesh, sweat, and piss. You smell much better. I like it. It's light musk mixed with a woodsy smell and campfire smoke. It's warm and inviting. It's safe. Not overpowering. I need it plastered in my scent glands," I grumbled. He chuckled and kissed the top of my head.

"I can see why you would like that better," he replied as he rolled to his back, pulling me with him. I gasped as I was now laying on top of him, my arms pinned. He stroked the side of my face and I looked up at him.

"Wait! Why do you smell like a campfire?" Pat grinned tenderly at me.

"Because I helped Josh build the fire last night. You were alone for 15 minutes before Jess sent Noah our direction. He said you were screaming. We all came back to care for you. Your siblings made a bigger one while I tried to help you," he explained. I moved to apologize and he placed his hand over my lips. "Don't. I love being able to take care of you. You're beautiful, Sarah. I've always thought so," he murmured. I blushed and looked down, burying my head in his chest again. 

"Just shush," I ordered as I scooted to his side, snuggled in the nook of his arm. He held me close and traced my fingers on his chest, while the hand in the small of my back didn't move at all. 

"I'll shush if you let me look into your eyes, Sarah," he chided. I looked back up at him and he smiled. "Thank you." He rubbed my cheek tenderly and we just gazed at each other for a while.

"Okay, you don't have to shush. Talk. Please. Having quiet with you is nice, but talk," I begged.

"Yes, ma'am. I love waking up next to you. I love looking at you. I love holding you," he murmured. I smiled and he moved his hand to my neck, massaging it gently, and looked down at my lips before looking at my eyes again. Softly, he whispered, "I love kissing you too. I want to kiss you. Can I, doll?" I nodded and he pulled me up so our heads were even. I lowered my head onto his shoulder and he rolled over slightly so it was easier for our lips to meet. When he moved his lips to deepen the kiss, I pulled back, rolled over, and sat up. He sat behind me and grabbed my hand. "Would you like to stretch, doll?" Pat whispered in my ear. I nodded as he raised our hands. I bit my lip and let out a sob as his left hand snaked around my waist. I released his hand in the air and pushed his hands away from me.

"I'm sorry, Pat. They didn't do anything remotely close to that. I don't understand why this is bothering me," I wept as I hugged my knee to my chest. "I know you're helping. I know you aren't hurting me. I know you won't cross the lines." I looked back at him. "I'm afraid of hurting you or upsetting you. You don't deserve this or to have to figure out how to piece me back together," I whispered. He gave me a soft smile and opened his arms. I looked at his chest and let another sob escape before finally settling back into his arms. His right arm rested on my shoulder, his left on my hip. I felt guilty as he didn't wrap me in his warm embrace, so I sobbed and grabbed his hand on my hip.

"Doll, you're not going to hurt or offend me," he promised. "I'll give you as much or as little space as you want. My arms will always be open for you. Only you. I have no problem piecing you back together one porcelain chip at a time until you feel whole again, but I don't think you're broken, beautiful." He kissed my cheek. He took his right hand, turned my face to look up at him, and dried my tears. He sighed and lowered his eyes for a moment before he met my eye again. His eyes were filled with tears and I felt guilty again. Hesitantly and softly, he asked, "Annette, did you agree to be my girlfriend because you were afraid of hurting my feelings after that kiss?" I shook my head and looked down. "Do you want to be with me?" I nodded and blinked back my own tears. "Tell me, doll. Tell me why you agreed to be with me."

"Do you not want to be with me?" I asked, taking shallow breaths and trying not panic as I closed my eyes. "I can take it. Don't lie to me. Just don't butter me up to drop me," I pleaded mentally.

"I definitely want to be with you, but I don't want you to be in this relationship if you feel like you're only in it to ease my pain, doll," he whispered, his fingers tracing my jaw before he lowered his hand. "Annette, please be honest with me. Why are you with me?"

"I fell for you," I confessed in a small voice as I looked back into his eyes. His brow was creased, pain was in his eyes, and he was watching me for any sign of reluctance. No tears had fallen, I noted and that brought me some comfort. He had constantly made sure that I knew how much he cared about me; it was my turn to reassure him. Right now, he was doubting me which meant I was failing him. "Not because you opened your home to me. Or because you held me when I felt like I was falling apart. Not even because you heard my story and knew the whole truth," I cried, giving him another chance to see me completely vulnerable. "You gave me hope, even back when I barely knew you. Work was my escape from my dad. You would joke around with me and get me to smile, and that always brightened my day. I never thought I'd catch your eye. I'm too immature, too young, I'm not pretty enough, and you have so many other options; I would never match up to someone like um, what's her name? She quit two months ago. Uh. Oh! Skylar! Take her for example; she was smitten with you and in my mind, the perfect girl. Long legs, tan, beautiful smile, bouncy hair, and a pair of the prettiest chocolate brown eyes I've ever seen. I swear, if I was into girls, she'd be a top choice." Pat grinned and shook his head. I reached over and grabbed his hand. "I looked forward to coming to work and seeing you. Not because I had the hopes of letting you in. I looked forward to seeing you because you were the one person who consistently tried to get me to laugh. You have been the one person who has ever made me feel safe just by being in your presence. The past couple weeks, you have shown me how much I mean to you. You have gone above and beyond to give me the perfect date. I know you didn't plan the afternoon to end like that and so I won't ever hold it against you. I want to show you the same respect because I care so much about you. You are much better at it than me. I don't want to be anywhere else than with you. You are probably the only person that I want to be vulnerable with. I can see a future with you. Love, marriage, kids, old age, everything. It's complete and full; I don't want to spend it with anyone else. Now," I trailed off and looked at my feet. Pat rubbed my arm tenderly and let me gather my thoughts. He didn't try to interrupt or stop me, which made me respect him more. Who was I trying to kid though? I can't reassure him just so I didn't have to lose him. I'm far too broken for him. I knew that before I agreed to camp with him; the only reason I agreed is because it meant I didn't have to go home and for once I could feel safe - if that feeling was ever possible. I was selfish and pathetic. I took a deep breath and let it out shakily. "Now, a good piece of that complete and full picture has been ripped away from me and I can't give you things for a good future. I fear that if I get intimate with you, I'm not going to like it. That there will always be a piece of me that feels like it's missing." I sat forward angrily, pulling away from his touch completely, and dried my eyes. "I can't do that to you! I can't expect you to put your life on hold while I try and pick up the pieces. Even if you see don't see me as broken, the truth is that I am! I don't know how to piece myself back together. I can't. You deserve better," I sobbed as I buried my head in my hand.

"Doll," Pat crooned behind me. He didn't touch me and I didn't move. "Annette, look at me please," he begged. I looked over my shoulder, looking at his chest. "I'll ask again. Do you want me?" I nodded. "Do you want us to break apart?" I met his eye and shook my head slowly. He gave me a sincere, but small smile. "I'm not going anywhere then, and you don't have to apologize for this. I'm glad you expressed your feelings. You are worth waiting for. You are worth fighting for. You have no obligation to get intimate with me. If you don't want to kiss me anymore, don't. If you don't want me sleep in the same bed as you, I won't. I don't expect anything from you; aside from the fact that I expect you to let me continue to show you how precious and wonderful you are to me. I want to spoil you, love you, and cherish you. I don't have to sleep with you to do that. I want you to understand that I will never pressure you into anything. I just want you safe and happy. Skylar had nothing on you, doll. She was incredibly shallow and practically bolted the day she finally realized I'm scarred and missing a leg. You never bat an eye because you understand what it means to live in pain and you don't want people to look at you. Annette, you ran away with my heart long before I even considered giving it to any other girl," he spoke softly. I sobbed again and leaned into his arms. He wrapped me up tenderly and kissed my temple. "My sweet girl, I love you with all that I am. What is it that you want? I'll respect your wishes. Whatever it is you want, just tell me."

"I just want to be with you. You make me feel happy, even though I've done nothing but cry since I've moved to your place. If I were to look up the definition of safe, I'm sure you make me feel that too. I hate that I just feel so broken. This surely can't be the girl you thought you would want. That being said, I like being in your arms. I like kissing you. I love being your girlfriend. Even more, I love that you're my boyfriend," I confessed around another sob. 

"Oh, doll. I understand you're hurting, but believe it or not, you are exactly the type of girl I wanted in my arms: beautiful -inside and out- strong, compassionate, devoted, respectful, honest, brilliant, funny, happy, and open - with me. Everyone reaches rock bottom at some point. You've been through so much, doll. It doesn't bother me that you cry, especially since you're allowing me to comfort you. I love the fact that you like being in my arms. It makes my heart soar that you love me as your boyfriend. Truth be told, you wanting me to be your guy is the best thing in the world," Pat murmured as he stroked my arm again. "I like it too. Immensely. There's no other place I'd rather be than beside you as your boyfriend. I love having you for a girlfriend. I love holding you. One day, if you'll still have me, I would love to wake up next to you as your husband, but just because we get married, doesn't mean anything. I'm content with this; I honestly always will be because you're in my arms and that's all I ever wanted. I don't need kids with you to be happy with you, with us. If you want to be a mom, we can adopt, but you don't have to sleep with me or even take your clothes off. We can still have the future you saw, assuming you can put up with me that long. Doll, I want to be in this for the long haul. I will be by your side until you say you're done and you never want to see me again; I'm hoping you never say that. If you do, I'll leave, no questions asked. Until then, I'm going to hold you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm beyond ecstatic that you're my girl," he admitted. I looked up at him, resting my head on his left shoulder by the crook in his neck.

"I can't be a good girlfriend though. All I do is cry, break down, sleep, and cry some more," I wept. He stroked the tears away from my eyes. I took a deep breath and tried to stop crying as he continued to comfort me.

"You are a great girlfriend, Annette; by far the best and the only one I have really wanted. The others felt forced. I crave your touch. I want to make you smile. I want to hold you and be by your side for as long as I can. You make me happy. You allow me to hold you and care for you. You spoil me with love and smiles. I don't care that you cry. I'm just glad you aren't holding your emotions back and that you're opening up completely with me," Pat replied once my sobs subsided. I turned my body, leaned into him, and kissed his lips. I closed my eyes as he pulled me closer to his chest and rested his right hand on my jaw. He pulled back before I wanted him to, so I pulled him closer again making sure our lips couldn't part. "Doll," he breathed as he gently pushed me down to the bed and rested his forehead on mine. I looked up at him as I played with his hair on the back of his head; he kept his eyes closed and panted heavily. "You have nothing to prove to me," he whispered as he opened his eyes and met mine. "You don't have to feel guilty. Or ashamed. I know you love me. I'm begging you, please stop." I stared at him, dropping my hand to my stomach.

"I-I-I don't understand. Did. Uh. Did I do something wrong? I'm sah-sor-ry. I je. I just. I'm sorry," I stammered as more tears fell down. He stroked my cheek and grinned.

"Shh. You're amazing. You're in pain yet you're more concerned about my emotions. Or maybe it's just your way to center yourself, I don't know. I'm never going to stop loving you, doll. You are a remarkable kisser. I love you, Sarah Annette. I know you feel the same way about me. You don't have to seduce me to prove that," he replied. I blushed and looked down.

"I wasn't trying to seduce you. I was working on focusing on how you made me feel; I don't want it to stop. I need you to take my pain away," I admitted. 

"You have no idea the power you hold, do you, doll?" He chuckled. I shook my head. He leaned in and kissed my cheek again, moving small kisses towards my lips. "If it helps you heal, would you like me to keep going? If the only thing I do all day is kiss you, it's a good day," he mumbled around his pecks. I turned into him and let him kiss me. When I pulled back for air, he stopped. "Powerful force. A very powerful voice," he mused. I giggled but pulled him in for more. He wrapped both arms around me as he kissed me passionately. When I felt dizzy, I pushed him back. Once again, he was panting, but he immediately pulled both arms out from behind me and stopped. He rolled to his side and gazed at me tenderly as he traced my jaw gently. "You drive me wild, 'Nettie," he whispered with a smile.

"I guess you can have those sparingly; I don't want to cause problems. I care deeply about you, Benji, and don't want to run you off," I beamed. He chuckled and rubbed my cheeks dry; I had finally managed to stop crying. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around that. I love the name Benjamin. I want to call you something special. I'm working on that," I explained as I pulled him closer again. He grinned and kissed my lips softly. When he pulled back, he rubbed my temple as he looked above my eye. I asked, "is there a bruise forming?" He nodded but didn't say anything. I nodded; I wasn't surprised. "Thought so. I head-butted him. Good news, I don't really have a headache. So, are you ready to get up, Mr. Miller?" He grinned, leaned over, and pressed his lips above my eyebrow before answering.

"Well Ms. Gibson, truth be told, I'm perfectly content staying right here in bed with you. Told you, I could kiss you all day long if you would allow it, especially since it seems to be helping piece you back together. I love you being so expressive and honest with me. I can do the same for you. Let's start with something special for me; I don't mind Benji as long as you promise not to say it outside of bed. It kinda gives me a new feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't know how to put it into words, but I like the feeling. I also know Josh would never shut up about it if he heard; part of me doesn't care either. So, are we staying in bed, doll? Because that sounds like the perfect day to me. Clothes stay on. Scout's honor," he replied. I sighed and leaned back into him.

"I would love to stay in bed with you, but I'm hungry, and in pain - I overdid it yesterday. Everything aches, and have use the bathroom," I retorted with a chuckle. I looked up into his eyes again. "I love you, Patrick. You make me happy." He grinned and kissed my cheek again.

"I love you, Sarah. I've never been so happy with anyone or anything," he whispered as he grabbed my hand. "Thank you for opening up. Now you just said that you're hungry and in pain. Let's get up then, doll. You get the wheelchair first, then you'll let me take care of you," he insisted as he lifted me out of bed into the chair. I grinned at him.

"Thank you, dear. You are very sweet," I replied. He grinned and rubbed my ear. I leaned in and kissed him one more time before I took off to the bathroom. I sighed as I looked at the broken mirror. Thankfully it was all contained in the tub below it. I sighed, stood up, hopped to the toilet, and completed my business, hopped over to the sink and washed my hands. I was startled by a knock on the door. "I'm decent," I replied. I grabbed my toothbrush and began brushing my teeth as Pat opened the door. I smiled at him and spit in the sink. "I thought you said you can't get around very well without your leg, crutches, or a chair?" I teased. He grinned.

"Not as easy as you think, doll," he retorted. He took two wobbly hops to the wheelchair with both arms out for balance as I finished brushing my teeth and put my toothbrush away. "Will you be okay by yourself? I plan on taking a shower, but don't want you to feel obligated to look out for me. I want you to feel as normal as possible and that means I shouldn't hover. You probably want to start making breakfast," he guessed. I turned around and grinned at him.

"You're smart, Mr. Miller," I teased. "I love being around you, but normalcy does involve you giving me some space. Or so I've heard."

"You're right. Besides, isn't it healthy for couples to be apart too?" He bantered with a smile and sat down in the wheelchair.

"I've heard that. If you're showering and taking my chair, how am I supposed to get to the kitchen?" I sassed. He chuckled, lowered his head, and looked at me out of the corner of his eye.

"I got a plan for that if you're game," he whispered. I nodded but gave him a curious look. He wheeled over to me and opened his arms. "The Miller Express Line is now open. All aboard," he teased. I giggled and sat down, bracing my legs on his. "By the way, you are the only one the Miller Express Line will ever be open for," he whispered and took off my sling. "Let's put your other sling on, doll. This one is great for when you're in water, but right now, it's causing your arm to chaff." I nodded and let him take off my sling with the holes. He pulled out some vanilla lotion and lathered it on my arm before snapping me up in the other sling. I grinned and looked over my shoulder at him. He kissed my cheek. "I love the smell of this lotion. It's light and sweet like you. I should have asked about your preferences. I'm sorry. I think Jess put floral, fruity, and some sort of oatmeal lotions under the sink too." I shook my head with a grin.

"Ew! No. Keep those away. Vanilla is perfect. It's my favorite and smells wonderful. It's gentle and refreshing without feeling likes it's overpowering. Not to mention, it's silky and I can feel it already working on moisturizing my skin. It doesn't feel like it'll be gritty or leave a residue. Thank you. You should do the other arm too," I murmured as I looked down at my sling. Jess had managed to wash and dry it; I couldn't see a trace of blood or dirt. 

"Done," he whispered after he lathered up my other arm too and kissed my right shoulder.

"I love you, Pat. Thanks for treating me so kindly," I replied as he wheeled us around backwards. I looked over my shoulder at him. "Show off," I teased. He kissed my temple and chuckled.

"This is nothing yet, doll," he responded softly. I raised my eyebrow. "I'll show you when you aren't so fragile," he promised as he pressed his lips against my temple again. He stopped in the middle of the kitchen and rocked us back and forth. "What are you thinking of making?" I bit my lip as I stood up. Pat immediately pulled me back to his lap and wheeled over to the counter so I had something to hold onto. He was reluctant to let me stand but he gave me my space. I opened the cupboards and grinned as I pulled out two loaves of bread, the vanilla extract, the cinnamon powder, and the syrup. 

"French toast. I can pair it with eggs and sausage patties. Sound good to you?" I asked. He grinned, rolled over to the fridge and pulled out the eggs and sausage for me.

"Sounds delightful, doll. How much do you think the four of us will eat? You can probably get away with making only one loaf. I'll see you in a few minutes. Please don't hurt yourself," Pat begged. I grinned.

"No promises on that. I do promise to stay right here in the kitchen. Thank you for getting me out of that blasted chair," I retorted with a grin. He pursed his lips. I looked back at him. "I will do my best not to hurt myself. I'll be good," I promised. He looked up at me with a question in his eyes. I held up three fingers and stood up tall. "On my honor, I promise to listen to the doctor and take it easy. If I'm in trouble I will scream. I do not need any knives so I won't even look for them. I don't think I'll have to bend over to put anything in the oven; we don't have to worry about wires getting crossed. I will leave my sling on. Now shoo. I'm cooking you breakfast." He chuckled and I lowered my hand.

"Yes, ma'am. Behave," he replied as he started to wheel himself away. "I'll see you soon." I grinned and turned around and started to prepare breakfast. After finding a mixing bowl, I began prepping my batter for my french toast on the counter as Josh came into the kitchen. I scowled and plucked some egg shells out of the bowl. He laughed at me. 

"What? Have you ever done this one handed? Everyone knows it makes you even more clumsy," I sassed with a smile. "Good morning, Josh."

"Morning, Net. Need help?" He asked kindly and washed his hands. 

"Thanks, Josh," I replied sincerely as I hopped closer to the stove and began to look for skillets. Josh shook his head at me and pulled over a chair. I scowled at it.

"Please sit. Pat will kill me if you hurt yourself," Josh insisted. I gave him a hardened gaze. "Again, I can cook, remember? And you're getting shells in our breakfast. Besides, you won't be able to dip the bread, hop back to the stove, put it in the hot skillet without losing your balance. Please, humor me."

"Fine," I sighed as I grabbed a cutting board, balanced it on a middle drawer, pulled the chair closer, and sat down. "But you asked me not to make a habit out of you cooking."

"You're not making a habit out of it; I'm just not letting you cook right now," he replied cheekily. I sighed again and looked around, trying to figure out what I could do on my makeshift counter to help prepare breakfast. "We can make fun of Pat's cooking later. I know he was fully counting on you guiding him step by step on how to prepare food, but for now, you can pretend I'm him. Just be a good girl and just sit there out of the way. Don't really tell me what to do though. French toast is easy," he teased. I giggled.

"Will you let me help with something? Oh! I can make patties! Pleeeassse," I begged. Josh nodded and handed the sausage down. I placed it on my mini table, opened it up, and began flattening the meat.

"Just take a chill pill, Net. I'll let you help as long as you stay put. Do you use cream in your batter?" Josh asked as he heated up the skillets. He handed me a clean glass. I grinned.

"Smart. Thank you. Pat will love the fact that I'm not doing this alone. Now, why should I add cream to my batter?" I asked as I used the glass like a cookie cutter. Josh handed me a cookie sheet that I could place the patties on it.

"Makes the batter thicker, therefore you can prepare more french toast. Were you thinking at all when you thought of this breakfast? I swear it's like you were counting on my help," he replied as Pat came back in the room. 

"Gotcha. You can add the cream if you like; I never have. And no, I wasn't thinking of you. French toast just sounded really good," I replied.

"Uh-huh. Likely story. You know it's a damn sure fire way to get Pat worked up. He worries a lot about you. We all do," Josh stated, nodding at his friend in the hallway. Pat grinned and wheeled himself to the middle of the kitchen - between Josh and myself. 

"I'm glad you're awake and forced her to sit down. Thank you," Pat remarked, looking over at me; Josh nodded. "Like he said, doll. I worry about you. You're my whole world. Losing you in any way means my world comes crashing down. I can't have that."

"Har, har, har. So is that why your shower was so short? Did you actually use soap or do you need to go wash behind your ears again? I told you I'd be good. Besides, Josh came down after I broke my second egg and begged me to stop," I replied sarcastically, moving some patties to the cookie sheet. Then I balled up the meat again and began to flatten again.

"I'm good, doll. Nice and clean," Pat chuckled in reply. "So, Josh made you sit. Were you trying to climb on the counters? I mean that is how short people cook, right?" I stuck out my tongue and shook my head.

"No. She wasn't climbing, but I got you covered, Pat," Josh chuckled. "I would never let her hurt herself, or see if climbing and cooking was her thing. It just sounds dangerous."

"I have never climbed on the counters to cook, maybe to get some spices, but never to cook. I'm going to kick you out of my kitchen one of these days. Then I'll cook for you and really show you how it's done," I teased. Josh winked at me and I shook my head. I closed my eyes, rolled my right shoulder forward and backward, pursed my lips, and looked down at my arm. "What happened last night? I feel like I went through the blender," I admitted as I looked up again. Josh and Pat looked at me in surprise. 

"What do you remember, doll?" Pat asked kindly. I bit my lip. I remembered quite a bit, but I needed to hear that Josh was okay. I sighed.

"Shower. Screaming. Mirror breaking. Forest ball. Pinatas. No sound just empty lies bouncing in my head. A kiss that stole my breath," I confessed truthfully. I left out the part that I knew I had hurt someone. Josh and Pat exchanged glances; Josh nodded and turned away.

"When did the sound leave, doll?" Pat asked. I bit my lip.

"I pretty much didn't hear anything once I turned on the tree," I told him. It was at least five minutes of silence, but he didn't need to know that. They all thought I was out of it last night, and that was okay with me.

"That's pretty much all that happened," Josh confirmed as he put some egg battered bread in the hot skillet. It sizzled and popped. I bit my lip and Pat stroked my jaw until I relaxed my face.

"Do you remember anything else?" Pat asked kindly. I looked up at him. I grinned and made marks in the meat on my table. Long-short-long-long. He chuckled as he looked at it. 

"Did you actually sleep?" I inquired as he met my eye again and I noticed his dark circles.

"I slept some. I got about my average amount. It's an easy day today, doll. I'll be fine," Pat confessed. I nodded and looked at Josh, biting my lip. His back was turned towards us as he worked on the cooking the food. Pat followed my gaze then kissed my cheek. I turned my attention back towards him.

"He's a good friend and I heard. In bed. I heard," I whispered, biting my lip and trailing off. Pat grinned and ducked his head.

"Always so selfless, doll," he whispered. "Alright. Tell her, Josh. She needs to hear it from you, not me," Pat ordered as we both looked in his direction again. Josh turned around and looked at me, his eyes were soft and laced with concern.

"You said that I hurt you - a nice jab. You wouldn't let Jess look," I murmured. Josh nodded and rolled up his shorts slightly. A oval shaped bruise had formed just above his knee. I gasped and moved my hand to my mouth. Pat caught it before I touched my face. I looked up at him confused.

"Raw meat, doll," he explained kindly. I nodded and looked at my hand. Pat grabbed a clean towel and cleaned my hand before depositing the towel in the sink. He then pressed around the sore spot on my arm. "You got a nice bruise because of it too. I think you actually bruised worse than he did," he teased. Then he pushed my chair back and finished making my patties as I propped my foot across his lap. Josh brought a skillet over and Pat put several patties into it. "Josh should heal pretty quick. He likes it rough you know," Pat teased. Josh chuckled softly and I lowered my chin to my chest as I blushed.

"He's not my type. Sorry to disappoint ya," I whispered as Josh brought the skillet to the stove. Both men snickered. 

"You're not mine either, Net," Josh replied. "Too wild. Or maybe not wild enough. You are pretty quiet. Although, if you act like you did last night. Nope. Never mind. I never wanna know about what you two do, got it?" I giggled as he winked at me again. 

"You're horrible, Josh. We snuggle and kiss - with our clothes on. Do you ever think about anything else?"

"Never, Net. You should know better. What's bugging ya?"

"I don't want to hurt anyone. By choice or not. Just the one time?" I asked hesitantly.

"You didn't hurt anyone; you hurt Josh. He doesn't actually count and I'm sure he deserved it," Pat chuckled.

"Hey now! Thought we were friends?! Besides, she's too sweet to hurt someone on purpose. Seriously, I'm fine, Annette. It was just like bumping one of the tables at work; stings for a moment then it's forgotten about. I know you didn't mean it, and I know that doesn't make it okay. I promise, I'm not mad," Josh reassured me before I could rebuke Pat. I glanced back at Josh. He turned around and flipped the bread and put the meat on the heat. He watched the food as he talked to me, making sure it didn't burn, but I felt he was hiding something. 

"Please," I begged. "Tell me what happened. The way my arm feels, I did some damage. I hurt you. I need to know."

"It was just the one jab, but you did try to hurt yourself and me several times. What was it you said a while ago? 'I won't let you hurt yourself because I'm the muscle to hold you back' or something like that?" I nodded. That sounded about right. "Well it was a challenge last night, but one I didn't mind taking on. You seemed fine when you mentioned playing ball. You were laughing and cracking jokes. Then you flipped out on the tree. I ran over, stood beside you, tried to grab your arm, and guide you back to Pat's arms. I also had to avoid getting clobbered on the head, you were going a little crazy and I couldn't predict which way you would swing the branch. You didn't notice me and I stopped the branch once before you hit my head, but you didn't hurt me then. You didn't hear Pat and I begging you to stop before you hurt yourself. You just kept crying, yelling at the tree, and breaking the branch in your hand. Did you say ice, wind, and being buried? Like alive?" I looked down and blinked back tears.

"Probably. I have a lot of secrets. Dark, painful secrets. Dad tried to get creative-"

"I don't want to know. Seriously. Please don't. I heard enough; I got the super condensed version of your week from hell and I overheard the bit about the barbecue after your shower last night. Annette, I felt sick and had to leave; I'm sorry. You are seriously the sweetest person any of us knows and you don't deserve that type of life. I admire and respect you for never letting it define you or letting it show; it blew my mind that you were around that all the time and always so happy. I don't want to know any more, and if any of us can, you know we'll prevent you from seeing more pain," Josh interrupted, softly. I looked back up at him; he looked at me in pity before turning back to the stove. "So anyways, after you crashed to the ground, I tried to pick you up again. Instead, you grabbed another stick and made a crutch. It wasn't a very good one but you made it to the beach, I was behind you all the way, preparing to catch you if you stumbled or fell. Pat practically was yelling at me to stop you. Every time I put my hands around your waist to pick you up, you would try hitting me with the stick, screaming, or something. Then I tried to cradle you in my arms, and you tumbled forward. No worries. You didn't fall or hurt yourself. I yelled at Pat too - by the way, I'm sorry. He was trying to stand up and help; I could only put up with one unsteady cripple at a time. Your strength impressed me and I wasn't going to let you fall, but I didn't know how to grab you without making you freak out. Noah and Tyler ran over and tried to help too. I think at one point, the three of us had you in the air and you managed to kick every single one of us in the head because you were flailing about. We tried to keep you safe, but apparently restraining you would have hurt you more. So we let you hop. Your brothers stayed back and I stayed close to you. I let out a sigh of relief when you sat down on purpose, not falling over because you lost your balance. Actually, we all were relieved. You were oddly quiet and Tyler was flipping out that you might go in the water right as you sat down," Josh explained. Guess I did actually clock out. I didn't remember him trying to grab me at all. Nor did I remember stumbling or being lifted up. 

"I'm so sorry. Thank you for making sure I didn't hurt myself. What about you? Did I hurt you?" I spoke softly, my voice cracking. Josh looked back at me and shook his head. "Finish the puzzle. I remember yelling at the tree then kiss on the dock; you're not there. What happened next?" I needed to make sure I didn't miss anything else. Josh was always honest and blunt. Pat looked over his shoulder and smiled at me as he loaded more patties onto the cookie sheet.

"You frightened us more. Like Josh said, he benched me while he tried to keep you from hurting yourself. You are trouble, doll. I swear my heart was trying to stop. You were downright scaring me," he confessed softly. I nodded.

"I gather that I did nothing but that last night after my shower. Please. Tell me, Josh. Pat would edit so he would only tell me what he thought would ease my mind," I begged, looking back at Josh. He flipped the food again before meeting my eye.

"Noah was crying and trying to get you to come back to reality. It's never a good thing to see a man cry, but we could all relate. Tyler was pacing back and forth nervously as Pat gave the run down, which left me with guardian duty. Net, like Pat said, you scared everyone. Jess didn't come down; I think she was using the bathroom or finding food. Probably for the best because you thought you killed her. We all know how much you hate the attention on you. Between the four of us, we tried to bring you back to reality gently, but you were having nothing to do with it. You wouldn't respond to anything. I kept trying to pull you back, Pat tried to stand to get to you, and Tyler made him stay put and sit down. Finally Pat sighed, suggested I back up a little, give you a little space, and just focus on keeping you out of the water; which honestly wasn't easy. Noah kept trying to talk to you and you weren't responding to anything. You collected several pebbles and stones. One by one, you threw them into the lake. You let out little sighs and grunts as you threw. The tears streamed down your face non-stop. You did that it as hard and as often as you could for about ten-fifteen minutes. Then suddenly, the strangled cries stopped, your throws became less frequent, and you stopped moving at all. I assumed you were done, so I put my hand on your back, and said your name again. You panicked and caught me with your elbow, let out a heart wrenching scream, and threw the handful of rocks you had left into the water. You looked up at the sky then back at the water, like you were magnetized to it. You kept trying to go in there; it started with your toes. Your cast almost got wet. I turned you sideways and you dunked your brother," Josh explained. 

"I did what?!" I gasped as I looked down at my broken and battered body. Pat and Josh laughed causing me to look at them again. "No! I couldn't have! Especially like this! Noah's slippery and never loses a dunking contest. I've never successfully dunked him," I muttered as I creased my brow, trying to remember. I uncrossed my legs and bounced my left knee nervously. 

"You didn't dunk him, per say," Pat remarked as he cleaned up his station, the cookie sheet finally full of patties. He then washed his hand and brought over a wet rag to wash the cutting board. "Noah willingly sat in the water to keep you from rolling into it. The only way he could look in your eyes was if he was kneeling in the water since Josh wasn't giving up his post on your right side; which was also necessary. The waves lapped up and splashed Noah's shorts. He was wet up to his hips, but he didn't seem to care as he was trying to help you. He said he's never experienced this defensive mechanism with you." I nodded. 

Josh continued, "Noah snapped at you and you decided to move again. Every time I approached you to bring you back to Pat's arms, you would try to get away: twist, turn, or wiggle away. The only good jab you had was just after the rocks, right here on my leg. Any other time, it was just hard to hold onto you; you're more slippery than a fish. I don't know how Pat holds onto you so well, but I commend him for his efforts. So anyways, you slowly -and painfully for us to watch- made your way to the dock and crashed on it. Noah and Pat joined you to keep you from trying to take a swim. You were bound and determined to get in that water. I don't know what you were thinking or doing, but it was like you were brain dead. Zombified. Different. I don't know. You scared us and we just did what we could to keep you from hurting yourself, but like I said, it was like the water was pulling you in. It was not an easy night." Josh pulled the cookie sheet of raw meat over to the stove and began cooking it since his meat skillet was done with the first batch. Then he flipped the french toast and cooked patties onto another cookie sheet in the oven; I gasped when I realized it was already half full. Pat washed his hands again and brought me a wet towel. I used it to thoroughly wash my hand. I met his eye.

"So we didn't stargaze?" I accused. He grinned at me, taking the towel away and helping me clean up completely.

"You did, I watched you," he replied. He reached over and rubbed my cheek. "You're my star, doll." I blushed and looked down as he wheeled back to the sink and draped the wet towel over it. 

"He had the best success pulling out of your trance," Josh added. I blushed deeper. Pat chuckled. 

"It was one hell of a kiss," I admitted as I met his eye. Pat winked at me and gave me an air kiss. I smiled and looked down. "Definitely the best I've ever encountered. It was a great reality check."

"Clearly," Josh chuckled. I looked back up at the men as Josh added more bread to the skillet. Pat was balancing on one wheel in the wheelchair and rocking back and forth, grinning at me. "You passed out afterwards, well we all thought you did," Josh confessed as he turned around and smirked.

"Sorry," I repeated. I looked back at Pat as he lowered the chair down to the ground. "I couldn't move. I couldn't open my eyes. Nothing. I heard everything, felt the movements. I didn't mean to scare anyone. At the time, I knew I was safe in your arms and the thought of you not holding me scared me," I explained.

"I know, doll. I gathered that much when you began to hyperventilate," he replied softly. I nodded, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly.

"I didn't want to be away from you, my safety net. I began to panic and you rubbed my back and talked soothingly to me. I closed my eyes and listened to your voice. I told you once I could listen to it all day. Then my leg gave out and caused another round of panic." He held his hand out to me. I grabbed it. 

"We know, doll," he murmured with a grin, before kissing my fingers. 

"So Noah was soaked. He sat in my bed, but I didn't wake up wet. Oh! I need to call him!" I exclaimed.

"He removed his wet clothes and wrapped up in a blanket before he sat on the bed. It's also why Tyler carried you inside instead of Noah. He never said anything, but we could tell it was on his mind," Pat confirmed as he wheeled over to the table and grabbed my phone. He came back over and handed it to me. I immediately began dialing Noah's number. It rang four times and went to voicemail. 

"Hey, No-No, in case you haven't figured it out, it's 'Nettie. I'm checking in like you wanted me to. I love you. No crescent moons, bone chips, or pinatas. I'm good. Have fun at work. Thanks for finally letting me dunk you; Josh filled me in. Better yet, thanks for not wrapping me up in a hug to get back at me," I spoke into the phone. I hung up and sighed. Pat took my phone away and tucked it into one of the drawers in the kitchen. I sighed again, leaned my head back, arched my back, and tried to stretch. I winced in pain, closed my eyes, and bit my lip. 

"Hey, doll. Can I help you with that?" Pat chuckled as he squeezed my hand. I opened my eyes and caught Josh flipping the meat again before he put more french toast in the oven.

"You sure?" I asked. He grinned. 

"As long you're comfortable with it," he confirmed. I grinned. 

"How? We tried that earlier," I admitted as I dropped my head. My head shot up suddenly as I remembered something important. "Oh my gosh! I forgot to make the coffee for you guys! My head really isn't on straight! I'm the only one who can function without it. Where's the stuff?" Josh and Pat chuckled. Josh pointed at the brewing pot.

"I got it going, Net. First thing after making sure you were safe in that chair. I really need it but your bubbly personality makes up for the lack of caffeine," Josh chuckled.

"No coffee for us and you didn't watch the sunrise either this morning," Pat surmised. I bit my lip with a nod as I blushed. He smiled at me. "Yet you're still a ray of sunshine and more cheerful than either of us," he admitted as he stroked my cheek. "Would you like to try stretch again?" I released my lip and nodded. He grinned. "Okay, doll. Let me stand up then." He continued to hold onto my hand as he grabbed the counter and stood up, turning around and leaning against the counter. He pulled up the cutting board, stuck it in the sink behind him, and shut the drawer. Then he pulled me up with him. I held onto him and buried my face in his chest. "Whenever you're ready, doll," he whispered. I looked up at him and grinned. I released his back and interlaced my fingers with his. I took a deep breath. He placed his right hand on the small of my back. "Toes, doll," I nodded and stood up on my toes. He lifted my hand above my head. I closed my eyes and arched my back. He leaned be backwards and released my hand. I fully extended it and leaned back further. I bit my lip and he pulled me back up. "Leg?" Pat asked. I nodded as I opened my eyes. I looked down as he supported my knee and extended my leg straight out to the right.

"Higher," I insisted through a grimace. He conceded and raised it infinitesimally higher. I swung my hip painfully back and forth. I may have only gone a couple inches either direction, but it was progress. I looked up at Pat and grinned. I grabbed his hand, leaned into him, and kicked my foot back as high as it would go, which apparently wasn't very high. "Ow!" I mumbled as I lowered leg. Pat looked at me in concern. "Good ow. I'm just super stiff," I told him as I took a deep breath. I heard chuckling behind me, so I looked over at Josh. He had just finishing scrambling eggs. He looked back at us and winked.

"If you two are done making this kitchen steamy, breakfast is ready," he informed us. I blushed and hid my face in Pat's chest. He rubbed my back and squeezed my hand. "Pat, that was fu-sorry. I'll be good. That was freaking hot. Can I show her?" 

"Show me what?" I asked as I peeked over at him. 

"Now that you've mentioned it, you have to," Pat teased. "She won't drop it." Josh pulled out his cell phone.

"The first picture you guys ever took together," he explained. "It's not as hot as this though."

"The one on your porch? Sunrise?" I asked as I looked up at Pat. He looked down at me and grinned. "I saw that. You showed me after breakfast that day. You recently sent it to me. It's the one picture I have of both of us looking at the camera." He shook his head.

"Here, Net," Josh shoved his phone in front my face. I released Pat's hand, grabbed Josh's phone, and gasped.

"Pat!" I whispered as I continued to stare at the picture. The picture showed me fully looking at the camera. I wasn't smiling but was clearly happy. The golden beams of the sun hit my face and made my blue eyes look almost violet. My braided headband seemed to glisten and sparkle like real gold was woven into it. The hair on the top of my head looked like an golden oil spill against his white railing. I looked like I didn't belong here, like I was from a different planet. Half of Pat's face was visible, but I couldn't see much as he was in shadows. I could tell he had the biggest grin as he gazed upon me, his hand resting by my head on the railing. I chuckled and looked up at him. "You didn't kiss me here," I accused. He grinned and shook his head. "But it looks like you were going to."

"That's what I said!" Josh chuckled as he took his phone back out of my hand. "Annette, I love how much devotion and love is coming from both of you. Even in shadow, you can tell that Pat was looking at you tenderly and it's by far the hottest picture I've ever seen and the kiss last night is exactly how I imagined this kiss going had it happened. I'll send the picture to you. You can admire it later. Now it's time for breakfast. Let's eat," Josh commanded as he pocketed his phone. I looked back up at Pat and smiled.

"You owe me a kiss," I whispered. "That was a highly intimate picture. I didn't even know you took it," I accused as I leaned into him. He chuckled, closed his eyes at the same time I did, and he lowered his lips onto mine: slowly, sensually, and sweetly. I broke away and opened my eyes. I swayed and tried to catch my breath. He chuckled and pushed me back into the table chair. "Sparingly," I muttered, causing him to laugh again.

"Agreed. How many pieces of toast, doll?" Pat inquired. I moved to stand up. "No, doll. Just sit, please," he begged. I nodded and scowled. "Have I told you that I love you and all your quirks today?" He murmured. I grinned and shook my head. He smiled. "Well I do, doll. Now, how much food would you like?"

"Two french toast, one sausage patty, and half a scoop of eggs please," I requested. Josh stood behind me and pushed me to the table. I giggled, "there's too many protective brothers!"

"Did you call me?" Tyler asked sleepily as he stepped into the kitchen.

"Nope. Talking about Pat's brother this time," I replied cheekily as Pat joined us at the table, setting my food down and three sets of silverware. Then he removed the chair beside me so he could slide up with the wheelchair. I smiled warmly as he positioned himself and we were now elbow to elbow. Josh stood up again and poured a cup of coffee for both him and Pat. He brought both cups over then grabbed his own plate of food and a plate for Pat. I looked around and sighed. I moved to stand up; Pat put his hand on my shoulder. "I need juice, butter, and powdered sugar," I told him. He smiled at me and rubbed my shoulder before dropping his hand. 

"Got ya, sister dear," Tyler yawned. He brought me the items I requested then dished himself up a plate and poured some coffee then joined us at the table. I grabbed my silverware and finished preparing my food. "Thanks for not making me scrounge for my own food," he mumbled as he sat down. Pat laughed and looked at me, shoveling his own food in his mouth. As I took a bite and savored it, I looked over at the men joining me for breakfast.

"How long are we staying?" I asked hesitantly. Pat looked up in surprise. "Sorry. I was just curious. I don't want to ruin anyone's time here, and I want people to have a good time. It just seems too soon to pack up because the afternoon was ruined yesterday."

He held out his hand. I dropped my fork and reached for his hand. "We have it until Friday the 15th of September, but we can leave whenever you want," he promised. I nodded. He stroked my hand tenderly. I squeezed his hand and lowered them both to my lap. I watched them and took a deep breath. I shuddered as I moved his hand down my thigh. Slowly, I released his fingers and pushed his hand to rest on my knee. Then, I released his hand completely and moved mine back to my fork. He rubbed above my knee softly. "You sure, doll? I don't have to touch you if it's making you uneasy. Is this okay?" I met his eye and nodded. He gave me a small grin and continued to eat, making a point to just rest his hand on my knee and not stroke it. I stuck another bite of food in my mouth and ate slowly, taking slow deliberate breaths.

"Stop it, 'Nettie," I berated myself mentally. I took a sip of my juice and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I looked over at Pat and smiled. "Thanks for making me feel safe." I looked at Josh and Tyler. "All of you. I really appreciate it," I confessed. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Josh. And scared you. All of you. These stupid defenses my body-"

"Stop, Annette," Tyler warned, interrupting me. I looked over at him. "No more pity parties. Well you can have them, but you have nothing to feel guilty over. You brain is remarkable. It doesn't react the way it should. I've witnessed rape victims time and time again; you surpass them by a landslide. They couldn't eat, laugh, joke, or let anyone touch them-"

"Were they given a choice?" I interrupted. Tyler offered a small smile, but looked down.

"That's beside the point," he whispered as he met my eye again. "Not everyone was restrained. As soon as they were back in their room, they didn't make eye contact with the other women; they just curled up in a ball in the corner. Trust me, you're doing better than any of them. Look at yourself, 'Nettie! You're doing great. You're letting Pat hold and touch you. You're letting him kiss you. Your spark is still present in your eyes. Your body shut down last night to heal. Sleep, friendship, laughter, and love is what you need to get through this. We're all here for you." I nodded and gave them a small smile. Pat squeezed my knee and I looked at him. 

"I'm proud of you, doll. Not one of us is mad at you. You do have a spark in you eye, and it usually spells trouble. I love it and look forward to your crazy plans. You're not strong in this moment, you're just 'Nettie," he murmured. I gave him a half smile.

"Seriously, Net," Josh interjected. I turned my attention to him. "We love you for your quick wit, loving nature, and compassion for others. Last night, you made sure we all knew that you were okay in some sense before we went to bed. I half expected you to want to run to the couch or bed after I told you what happened last night. I expected your color to drain - which it did some. I expected you to faint or throw up. Instead you apologized profusely, called your brother, and stretched. You have a hearty appetite. You're smiling and laughing with us; it's not your normal hype, but you're still happy-ish. You totally have every right not to want to be happy right now. The only time I noticed you had a problem this morning is just after Pat asked if it was okay for his hand to stay on your lap. Since I've gotten the privilege to really get to know you, you've been anything but predictable. If you need to break down and cry, none of us will think less of you for it. Whatever you need, ask. We're here to help you out. Like Tyler said, friendship is one of the things you need right now; you've got it." I gaped at him, nodded, looked back at my plate, and finished my breakfast in silence, unable to find the words to say. 

"Can I have some pain medication, please?" I begged when my plate was clear. Josh nodded, stood up, located my pain meds and brought me back the bottle. I picked it up and tried to work on the seal. Pat moved his hand to try and help me. I wanted to shout at him to back off, but decided against it and let him help me. "How badly does this hurt my supply with what they took?"

"Not bad," Pat confirmed. "You're down to one or one and a half a day instead of your full two. Those three full pills aren't a big loss." I nodded and grabbed his hand again. I bit my lip. "So, you're in charge today. What's on the agenda, doll?"

"I don't want to go outside, or home just yet. Noah took my books Tuesday, so I don't have homework I can do. Oh! I need a computer," I exclaimed. "I'm taking a computer class and have to design a webpage. I can't do that in a notebook." All three men chuckled.

"We have my laptop here now, but you don't get to play on it out here. The last thing you need to do is immerse yourself behind a screen; that gives you the option to build your walls up again. We don't want them up yet. Plus, I believe Jess and Noah already got you your own laptop. It's at home," Tyler remarked. I nodded then traced a scratch on the table with my finger.

"What are you planning on doing with the broken mirror?" I asked to no one in particular.

"Throw it away. No sense in saving it," Pat replied. He tucked a stray hair behind my ear. I met his eye. 

"Can we save it? It was therapeutic and probably why I wanted to play pinata with the trees. I might come up with a fun project for all that broken glass," I whispered. All three men looked at me with a shocked expression. 

"No," Pat whispered. I met his eye. "I can't let you be destructive right now either. Please ju-" 

"I didn't say I wanted to destroy. I want to create," I countered, glaring at him. 

"I understand. You scared me so much last night, doll. Being around that broken glass might trigger another outbreak for you, another rage attack. That's what started it, the broken mirror in the bathroom. The amount of adrenaline coursing through your body must have been pretty damn high, especially since you were able to keep your balance. The only way you could have managed to break the mirror from the shower would have been if you threw the chair. I think you did because it was in the tub too. Tyler picked out the sturdiest chair he could find; it has some weight to it. The only way you would have been able to throw it was over your shoulder, doll. With how fragile you are right now, that possibility shouldn't even be considered; you could have damaged your shoulder or ribs or something," he explained. I bit my lip and looked down as I heard Josh and Tyler gasp. "When I know you're back to your cheerful self -without help- then you can do that project. You were so angry that you went all killer-warrior on the tree, threw stones into the lake, and wanted to go into the water. Doll, I cannot in good conscience let you go down that road again." I looked around the table again. Everyone was looking at me in sorrow, but nodding in agreement with Pat.

"We can't either," Tyler added before taking another sip of his coffee.

"It's for your own good, Annette," Josh murmured.

"Stop it," I demanded, slamming my hand on the table. "I'm not going to break apart like the porcelain doll you are looking at me like. Nor will I use the glass shards as a weapon. As for the water, Pat, I know that I was thinking that I wanted to float, not swim or sink. It was quiet and calm. I wanted that. I felt chaotic, stressed, and panicked. I wanted my mind to match the water. I remember thinking 'one touch and it'll all go away.' I'm not depressed - at least I don't think I am. Nor am I suicidal, wanting to be alone, or thinking I need to cause my body harm. I don't want to die. I remember thinking that I wanted to be surrounded by the water, not in it. Part of me must have known that if I made the way to the raft by myself-ish like Josh said I did. Time and time again, all I hear is people telling me how amazing I am, how strong I am, how all they can see is my beauty, joy, and strength. Maybe I'll find a project that will help emulate that. I want to use the mirrors."

"That's what you were thinking?" Tyler whispered. I looked over at him, offered a small nod, and bit my lip. "That's not what I thought. I was thinking the worst case scenario. I never would have guessed that you were just trying to find the quiet." 

"Me either," Pat confessed. I looked at him in shock. "Doll, you told me that you would have chosen to be drowned again over him touching you. I thought that perhaps you were still relapsing and looking for an escape. I wish you could have let us know what was going on in your mind last night; we would have worried less."

"The lake was smooth and calm. It looked like black glass; it was beautiful. I wanted to be in the middle of it. I wanted to watch the ripples. The water was cool and refreshing; it felt like it was alive," I replied.

"That explains why it seemed like you were drawn to it," Josh mused with a smirk. "You really didn't want to immerse yourself in it?" I shook my head. "Good. Because we couldn't tell, but we're glad that wasn't the case. Like Pat said, if your mind was working and letting you talk, we would've relaxed much more."

"And I probably would have taken you out there again if that's what you wanted. We'll save the broken mirror, doll. But you're not doing that project until you're comfortable with the mirror in your room on display all the time and I would really prefer if you didn't do it alone," Pat bargained. I nodded. That was only fair. I still had issues looking in the mirror. I looked around at the table and began to stack dishes. "Don't even think about it, young lady," Pat chided as he pushed the dishes out of my reach. Tyler and Josh immediately stood up and cleared the table. I looked over my shoulder as they started to do the clean up.

"Well then, what will you three let me do?" I asked as I looked at Pat again.

"Well since you wanted to stay inside your choices are read or nap. Today only," he replied with a smirk. I scowled slightly. "I'm sorry, doll. We don't have any card or board games. There's puzzles and coloring stuff. I'm sure you and Tyler would love to go into a geeky chemistry mode, but we can't replace our supplies out here as easily as we can at home; there's a budget and anything that's extra on the list Linda gets told about. You know how meticulous she is about bookkeeping. If there's more here than what she okayed, she ends up having to raise her prices. I know that you would have fun and Tyler would try to help keep you balanced and going too crazy, but he gets just as excited and distracted as you. Plus, I'd rather not see what type of messes you can make in this house," he explained. I nodded and rested my head on the table. Pat rubbed my back and continued, "I'm glad to hear that you aren't depressed or thinking about death. I'm sorry that your mind was even too chaotic for you. We can do whatever you want to do today, doll. I'm sure you can figure out something for us to do inside. Josh and I would be out on the water or hiking through the woods. Neither one of us really liked staying indoors when we came out here. If you liked it out here, we'd spend time fishing, picnicking on the lake, maybe going for a canoe ride. I can't believe we never thought of forest ball." I smiled. "Sarah," Pat whispered. I turned my head, leaving it on the table, and looked at him. He stroked my cheek tenderly. "I'm staying right here, by your side all day. So when you figure out what you want to do, just let me know, and we'll go do it."

"I'm not confining you in here with me," I replied. "You three can still go enjoy the lake." 

"That's not going to happen, doll. You are not being left alone," Pat replied softly. I sighed and nodded. "Come here, doll," he coaxed as he grabbed my hand and tugged it gently. "Bed or couch? It's much more comfortable than that table." I turned my head so I faced the table again, but I didn't move to sit up. He continued to rub my back and my hand simultaneously. 

"Neither," I confirmed with a sigh. I sat up slowly and looked at him. "How long would it take to set up the hammock? Could we do it in here?" He grinned and kissed my forehead. "You left that out of the options," I teased. 

"What? The hammock or the kissing?" Pat retorted with a chuckle. I bit my lip and looked down.

"Both," I whispered. I sighed and looked over my shoulder again. Josh and Tyler were finishing with clean up duty. "What are you guys doing today?"

"I might nap," Tyler confessed as he yawned. I shook my head and giggled. "What?! Admit it, 'Nettie! Since I've known you, sleep has not come as easily for those around you. Last night was no exception. I kept coming back down and pacing the hallway. Pat allowed the door to stay open."

"He's not the only one that checked in last night," Pat chuckled. "Not once did you wake up though. Everyone checked in at least once. Before you ask again, doll, I slept soundly after Jess and Noah left at five. You didn't even stir when Jess checked your vitals again; flying colors, my love. Noah wouldn't have left if your numbers were still off. You woke up at around nine. So I did get a solid four hours then but the whole night, I probably got about six hours total on and off." I nodded; it wasn't the best numbers, but he slept. "It's nice to know you have so many people who care about you." I grinned.

"Of course we care, Net. Since you got out of the hospital, we've been even more on alert with you. We're always concerned about what may happen next, if you have another episode, or relapse again. Everyone cares deeply about you. It's only natural for them, us, to worry about you," Josh added. The way he said it, even though I knew he was sincere, caused my blood to boil.

"Well then stop worrying! I didn't ask for any of you to care for me! I didn't ask that any of you to worry and stress about me. I didn't even ask-" I yelled, glaring at Josh and Tyler. Pat turned my head and pressed his lips against mine passionately. I closed my eyes and returned the kiss, slowly letting him deepen the kiss and pull me in tighter. When we broke apart, I tried to continue with my thought process, but my head was foggy. I kept my eyes closed as I tried to piece back together my puzzle. "I didn't ask to be put on the sidelines," I murmured in a calmer tone. Pat kissed me again. After the second time his lips moved, I opened my eyes, pulled back, and pushed him away. "I didn't even ask for you to take my anger away. I thought you said no more ulterior motives for kissing me!" He chuckled and his eyes twinkled with merriment and mischief. Josh and Tyler were also laughing at us. I looked back over at them. "You guys keep telling me not to bottle my emotions. So why am I not allowed to rage right now?"

"Ulterior motive or not, he was protecting you. Admit it, Net. You were being stupid. Pat was smart and got you to shut up before you said something you would regret later," Josh chuckled. I squinted my eyes at him as I tried to glare but found I just wasn't angry. I lowered my head and giggled. I took a deep breath and tried again. This time I was able to hold a fierce gaze. Josh smiled. "We can't stop worrying about you, Net. Nor will we. It just let's you know that you have people who care about you too. You care about everyone, but rarely let people care for you. You're not alone anymore. You really are like a beam of sunshine. Even when you are so bitter and down. Everyone can see that. You do know that no one expects you to hold it together all the time right? We don't want you to fix everything that you see is broken. Nor do we count on you to make us happy. Annette, just worry about yourself for a change. You need to take the time to replenish your well of joy. Only you know how to do that." I wiped the tears that were falling silently from my eyes. "We're here for you, Net. Just say the word and we'll help out or go away," he promised.

"For such a goofball, you can be profound sometimes. This is the second time today you've gone all theological on me. I didn't know you had it in you," I replied with a grin. He returned the smile and gave me a curt nod. I dropped my head as sobs tried to take over my body. "For once, I don't know how to make things better," I confessed. "I'm tired of crying all the time. I tired of sleeping. I'm tired of not being able to just put a smile on and move on. I've never felt so broken, lost, and afraid."

"There's the first step," Tyler mused. I looked up at him. "You're admitting you have a problem and need help." 

"And we're glad to be of assistance. I'll say it again. Whatever you need, just ask. We're here for you," Josh added. I looked over at Pat. He opened his arms again. I leaned into him but I didn't move out of my seat. He rubbed my back tenderly. "Ty and I will be close by, Net. However, Pat's kinda selfish though, and doesn't share you." I smiled against Pat's chest but didn't look up.

"Which is great, because he really is good for you, 'Nettie," Tyler added. I laughed. They were right.

"He's the best," I confirmed. I sat up and looked at Pat. He grinned and wiped my eyes. "I don't deserve anyone like you."

"Come here, doll," Pat coaxed as he tugged on my shirt and left hip. I conceded and let him pull me onto his lap. "You do, sweethea-"

"NO!" I interrupted. He gave me a confused look. "Don't say it," I whispered, as I began to shake involuntarily. "Don't call me what they called me," I added mentally, unable to voice it. My chest bounced and I tried to get a breath in. I felt like my eyes would bulge out of my head. He rubbed my cheek and I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"Hey! What's going on? I'm still going to say it, because you deserve to be cherished and loved. That's all I'm doing," he insisted as he kissed my temple. I tucked my elbow between our bodies and snuggled into his shoulder. He wrapped both arms around me, traced his right hand up my left side, and rested his head on mine until I stopped quivering. "I don't know what's going on in your head, doll. I just thought you should know that I still love you, Sarah," he whispered. I grinned.

"Ditto, Pat," I giggled and kissed his cheek. "What do you want to do?"

"No, doll. It's all about you. We're doing whatever you want," he replied. I sighed and sat up. I looked back at Josh and Tyler. Pat turned my head to look at him. "Me and you, doll. Don't worry about them. Like they said, I don't share very well. And like I said, you will not be left alone. I also said my perfect day involves just holding you," he murmured. I met his eye and grinned. He smiled and braced his forehead against mine. "So what are we doing?" Josh chuckled.

"I need your shoe!" I demanded as I pulled back and looked in Pat's eyes. He chuckled and lifted his foot; it was bare. I scowled. "And your metal foot is still in the living room?" Pat nodded.

"Why do you need a shoe?" Tyler asked, as he sat down at the table. I grinned and looked back at Josh who was smiling impishly.

"To throw at him; everything is a sexual joke and it shouldn't be. Just because Pat is sweet and Josh isn't, doesn't mean I have to listen to him guffaw every time Pat inadvertently makes an implication of doing something alone with me," I remarked. Everyone in the room chuckled. I looked back at Pat.

"She's right, Josh. Your mind is filthy and I have no intentions of crossing the line. I just love holding her," he murmured. I grinned.

'Fine! I'll try to keep it bay. You guys are asking the impossible though," Josh grumbled. "I still want to know what your plan is though so I can plan my day." I kissed Pat's nose and looked back at Josh.

"Wanna see if we can get him riled up?"

"Oh! I'm always down for that, Net! What are we doing?"

"I would love it if I could work on muscle strength today," I insisted as I tried to stand up. Pat pulled me closer. 

"Doll," he warned. "I'm not sure if I like you in cahoots with Josh, but you're not allowed to hurt yourself. You said you felt like you went through the blender last night. I'm not having you overdo it again; you're still healing. You will tell me exactly what you want to do. I don't want to lose you to your anger again. Nor will I sit back and watch again as you say one thing but misdirect and do something else entirely. Please," he begged.

"Pat, stop being a f*****g pansy. He's right though, Net. You need to tell is your thoughts before I agree to anything else," Josh demanded.

"Fine. I want to go up and down the stairs by myself. I can do it. I need to not depend on you guys all the time. Plus, if I hobbled along the beach, you know I can do this too," I replied. I looked around the room. Everyone looked fearful, but I saw the mischievous glint in Josh's eye gleam brighter. "News flash, guys. I'm not as breakable as I appear to be. I'm perfectly capable of doing things on my own." I looked back at Pat. He seemed conflicted. "No misdirections. I sit on the stairs, push with my foot, and pull with my hand until I'm at the top step. It's exhausting but it's the closest thing I get to a workout. I've done it."

"And how did you discover you could do this?" Pat asked as he rubbed the outside of my thigh. I bit my lip.

"When Noah told me I'd be staying with my friend, I had to think of a way to get into Renae's house. It's all one level but you have to go up four or five steps to get in her house. I practiced when you left me alone in the bathroom. I didn't think you or Noah would let me see her if I told you that. She has always been the one person I could count on to not baby me. I did it at her house. I have no reason to lie to you," I told him truthfully. 

"I know, doll. I shouldn't be surprised that you tried to do something that could hurt you," he murmured impatiently as he looked me over. "I'm not talking you out of this, am I?" I shook my head and took his lead from yesterday.

"I'll let you choose my activity. Here's your choices: I do that or you let me hobble around the living room like I did on the beach. Or, I do option C and everyone has to do exactly what I tell them too. Even Josh and Tyler, they're not getting out of this if you choose it, dear. I have a few more plans up my sleeves. I'll be happy with A, B, or C. You might not, though," I told him as I wiggled excitedly in his arms. 

"Don't choose C," Tyler begged. "She's far too perky about this. I've seen the projects she's done with your neighbor, this is worse. Worse than Jess switching out my wardrobe."

"No choose it! I wanna see what she makes us do. I really want to see her ruffle your feathers. I'm looking forward to it," Josh countered. I giggled. Pat shook his head as he looked in my eyes.

"All of the options require you doing some sort of physical activity, don't they?" Pat asked. I nodded and grinned. He pursed his lips, thinking it through. "I don't want to watch you hobble around again, and you aren't telling me what you have in mind for C. I can get behind plan A, doll. I'd prefer if you did that, honestly. That way I at least know you'll be sitting down," he agreed then looked back at the other men in the room. "Only if you two are right there beside her."

"Happy to help," Josh insisted.

"No way will she hurt herself. The moment she starts shaking she's done," Tyler confirmed. I grinned. Another small victory. Pat wheeled us to the stairs and I happily stood up. "Take it slow," Tyler ordered. I nodded and held onto Pat's shoulder as I turned around and sat on the second step up. I put my right hand behind me and braced with my left leg. Together I pushed and moved up the stairs. "In front or behind?" Tyler asked Josh. 

"I'll go behind. You watch her muscles from the front. You sister has trained you better in the art of medical exhaustion. You got this, Net," Josh confirmed as he slid around me. I looked up at him as he sat three steps higher. "Want me closer?" I shook my head, looked back down the steps, and continued to climb one step at a time. Pat's eyes grew in concern. I smiled at him as I moved up one more time. I had just completed my fourth step; this was going wonderfully. I positioned myself to do another. "She's breathing harder," Josh noted. I looked over my shoulder and glared at him.

"I'm fine," I insisted with a grin. Yes I was breathing a little harder but I wasn't out of breath. I moved up the step. "I just did five steps. There's 14! You can't stop me yet! I can do this. Just shut up! I'm only breathing a little harder because you guys are finally letting me exert myself slightly. It's taken two and half weeks, but I'm done being carried around! I actually reached that limit a while ago. I hate having to depend on someone else to help me get around. It's a whole new concept. I've tried to be gracious and accepting, but space is good too. I mean no offense to anyone."

"No offense taken," Pat confirmed. I smiled as I looked back down at him. "What was plan C, doll?" I worked on my next step as I thought it over. 

"Oh, I don't know. Probably limit the mobility on Josh and Tyler and make all three of you workout with me. Basically see who would tire out first. Or bake. I was bluffing," I admitted.

"D****t! Knew you should have chosen C," Josh playfully teased. I looked over my shoulder at him and smirked.

"Nah. You definitely would have been screwed - not physically! Crying out loud! My bad. I would have made you wear a pink tutu and prance around the cabin until my sides hurt from laughing too much," I giggled, working on another stair. Josh put his head down and laughed.

"Jess didn't bring one of those up," Tyler replied. I turned my attention to him as I took several deep breaths. "I can make a call though, 'Nettie; she'll find one to bring up." I grinned and shook my head; I couldn't actually torture Josh like that.

"Worst case, I can make one too. I'd have to go through my closet though. I don't sew but I'm sure I could make something work," I replied.

"Oh, I'm sure you could," Josh teased as he pulled my braid gently. I giggled. "You also know that I'd rock it and since there's not many people around here, I would have no problem with it as long as I was in control of all the phones and the cameras never came out. How you feeling?"

"Fine," I stated. I looked back at Pat as I worked on another step and teased, "plus, the more I do, the better it is. Maybe it'll keep you and your big lungs at bay for a bit. Everyday I'm getting more oxygen into them. I may not need your help calming down soon."

"You're crazy, doll," he grinned. "My big lungs are always going to be there for you." I grinned and paused.

"That may be so, but eventually, I'll have my legs back too. Once my lungs can handle full capacity breaths and I can run, you might have trouble keeping up with me. After all, I can't sit still. You've said so yourself," I teased. He chuckled. I put my hand above my head for a moment while I rested. My lungs felt like they were on fire.

"Are you alright, 'Nettie?" Tyler asked. He was two steps down from me to my left, making sure I could still see Pat. I nodded.

"Just taking a breather. I'm fine. Elbow room is exciting," I grinned. I refused to tell them about my lungs; I didn't want to be done yet. I looked back at Josh and smirked as I put my hand on the wall and winked. "You look bored. Shall we take it up a notch?" Cautiously, I stood up. All three men let out a startled exclamation. I grinned at all of them. Josh and Tyler were now both one step away from me with their hands raised as if they were preparing for me to fall. "That's better," I giggled. "You worry too much. I'm fine," I repeated. "Just taking it up a notch. Squats," I explained as I held onto the wall lightly and lowered myself down two steps higher. I grinned and pulled my leg up. "After all, I'm determined to stop swaying. I don't think my leg strength is all that good, but I gotta be able to outrun my boyfriend. Well, one of these days." Pat shook his head, Tyler pursed his lips, and Josh sighed behind me. I giggled again as I stood up.

"You're going to give everyone heart attacks," Tyler smirked. I grinned.

"I know CPR," I retorted as I lowered myself down again. I looked over my shoulder at Josh. "You might be out of luck; the other two have had my lips on theirs before. I'm not willing to make it a three-fer. I'm only partially kidding. I couldn't just let you lay there unconscious and not breathing."

"Annette, you are full of surprises," Josh chuckled. "Don't know how you can handle such a high spirited woman, Pat." I met Pat's eye at the bottom of the stairs. 

"She's worth it. I love all of her quirks," he replied genuinely.

"I'm flattered. Thank you, sir, for your kind words. Now, are you going to join me, dear?" I asked. He grinned and shook his head.

"Not without crutches or my leg," he replied. "I can try that but I'd much rather just watch you. You have exceptional control. I think you have more strength in that leg than you think you do. You're not even swaying, doll." I grinned and stood up again. I was nearing the top of the staircase; I could be done with one more squat after this one. In my excitement, I missed my stair and started to slide down the steps. Josh and Tyler immediately grabbed me. I tried to shake them off. "Doll, I think that's enough for today," Pat begged.

"I'm only four steps away! I was two! Please, let me complete this task. I got too excited. I can do this!" I replied with a slight grumble. Tyler kept his hand in front of me, but thankfully Josh let go. I looked over my shoulder at him and grinned. "At least I have one of you on my side." He chuckled. I turned around and moved up one step at a time again. Pushing with my left foot, pulling with my right arm.

"Doll," Pat begged from the bottom of the stairs.

"Pat," I mimicked in the same tone as I went up another step. Tyler moved to his knees and crawled up the stairs keeping his arm in front of my waist as his hand held the wall.

"You got this, Annette! Two more steps," Josh cheered. "Sorry, man, this is cool. I'm all for her pushing her limits. Mainly because I want to see her outdo you. That and last night, nothing would have stopped her. If I bring her down right now, you know she'll just find her way back here. She's always been one for completing tasks. You gotta admire her tenacity."

"I do," Pat confessed. "But you don't have to hurt yourself to earn my respect, doll."

"I'm not doing it for you, and I'm not hurting myself on purpose. I'm just clumsy. We've been over this," I countered. I grinned as I went up one more step. "I'm doing it for me. You want me to fill my well up again? I am. By being independent, self reliant, and proud of my own accomplishments. I know you have enough in your tanks to spare for me, but I need to do this," I insisted. He nodded and lowered his head as I worked on the last step.

"I know, doll," Pat replied. I bit my lip as I looked over my shoulder. Josh was standing back several steps but had a smile from ear to ear. I grabbed onto the corner of the wall and used that instead of the slick surface of the floor as a brace. Pat looked back up at me and smiled as I settled onto the top step. I grinned and scooted back all the way. Carefully I stood up again and leaned against the wall. "I'm proud of you. Now will you please come back to the safety of my arms?" I took several deep breaths and shook my head.

"First I'm taking a breather. Then, I'm going to wait right here. If I can do it, so can you. You still have a tour to finish. Plus, your buddy here gave you a challenge," I teased. "Can I outdo you, darling, even though I'm a little battered?"

"Yes, you can," Pat chuckled. "You win. I'm not doing that. No tour from me." Josh wrapped his arms around my waist, picked me up, and carried me through the upstairs. 

"Let go!" I hollered with a giggle and kicked my feet.

"Stop it or you'll hurt yourself. Pat said no tour from him. So you're stuck with me as your guide. Plus, I gotta get you back for that out of luck comment. Can't believe you wouldn't save me just because you haven't had your lips on mine," he teased as he threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and walked me through the hall. Tyler ducked down the stairs as Josh opened the first door. "Bedroom number one: two bunk beds, so this room can sleep four." He kept walking as I tried to peek in the room. "Stop wiggling or you'll bonk your head, and Pat will kill me."

"Only if he comes up here, but apparently he's afraid of heights," I teased. Josh chuckled. 

"Tempting. Maybe I should throw you in there then," Josh pondered.

"I heard that. I am not afraid of heights, but if you're not down here in a minute, doll, I'm going to pound Josh," Pat warned playfully. I giggled.

"Ooh. Pat, trying to threaten me. Don't start something you can't finish," Josh remarked loudly. "Anyways, bedroom two: one bunk bed, one full sized bed. Bathroom, simple." He turned around and opened the doors on the other end of the hallway. "Bedroom three: one loft bed, two twin beds. Finally bedroom four: three twin sized beds." Josh turned the corner again and began making his way down the stairs.

"Wait!" I bellowed. "You showed me the rooms but I didn't actually get to look at them. And I want to go down by myself!" I protested. 

"Nope. Pretty sure I was nearing the 50 second mark," Josh teased around a chortle as he handed me off to Pat.

"Maybe some other time, doll," Pat crooned in my ear as I looked back at him. I pouted. He grinned which made me smile. I kissed his cheek and looked at Josh.

"Thank you for the tour. How does anyone sleep being crammed into those rooms? Surely you could remove some beds!" I exclaimed. He grinned. 

"Surprisingly, those rooms have a lot of space. Noah and Jess took bedroom two last night. I'm in three," Josh replied.

"And I scooted two twins together from four," Tyler added from the couch. I yawned and tried to stretch again, causing me to bite my lip in pain. "You did great on the stairs," Tyler praised as Pat wheeled us into the living room. Tyler sat on the floor, tied his right ankle to his thigh with his shoelaces, and tucked his left arm into his shirt. "So you would have immobilized us like this, 'Nettie?" He asked. I nodded. That was kinda my idea, but I didn't flush out all the details. Tyler grinned and tried to get up on the couch again. He fell and I giggled. 

"Need me to show you how to do that? Maybe I can figure out option C after all," I teased. He grinned, shook his head, and tried it again. Once again his hand slipped and he fell to the ground. Pat and Josh were trying to stifle their laughter too. Tyler tried once again and the whole room guffawed. "Are you making fun of me? I know I'm clumsy, but you might be insulting me," I giggled. Tyler finally decided to roll to his knee, crawl up the couch until he could stand, then sit down. I hid another yawn behind my hand as I used my left hand to press against my right ribs. Everything hurt, but I wasn't going to say anything.

"See, you don't need me in a tutu to get comic relief. You have your brother here for that," Josh chuckled. I giggled again.

"You're right, 'Nettie. That's a work out. I would have lost. You have extraordinary strength. How's your arm? I feel like I need to find a heating pad right now?" Tyler asked as he put his shirt back on fully and untied his shoelace and began threading it back through his shoe.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," I replied sincerely. Pat began rubbing my arm anyways. I looked back at him and grinned. "To the couch. sir, please. I'd rather snuggle with you than on you." He grinned and wheeled us over.

"Yes, ma'am. You're the boss," he replied. "My beautiful girl, may I have your hand?" I gave him my hand and he guided me to a standing position, with his left hand holding my hip. "Thank you. I'll happily hold you on the couch. Don't move. I need you to behave while I move outta the wheelchair."

"Do hurry. My knee is about ready to buckle," I admitted as I bit my lip; I felt out of balance. 

"Got her," Josh insisted as he came up behind me and braced me, wrapping both arms around my waist.

"Thank you," Pat replied as he moved to the couch, turned sideways, and Josh lowered me into his arms. "Do you want a blanket, doll?" I shook my head, but Josh pulled one out anyways. I rolled my eyes and snuggled into Pat as he wrapped both arms under my sling and under my waist. Josh lifted my legs onto Pat's and draped the blanket up to my hips.

"Thanks, Josh," I said wearily as I unsuccessfully tried to stifle another yawn.

"That was quite the workout. You aren't quite ready for that amount of exertion; your body needs to heal still. You can sleep, doll," Pat whispered in my ear. I grinned and closed my eyes as he kissed my head. "When you wake, let me massage your muscles," he begged. I nodded. He kissed my head again. "Thanks, doll."

"You guys just can't sit here and watch me sleep," I murmured, but didn't open my eyes.

"Don't worry about it, 'Nettie," Tyler chuckled. "Josh and I are making up words to play gestures with. We'll do that and Pat has to guess since he'll be too busy holding you to act anything out." I giggled and rolled my head to my right so I was facing the couch.

"Keep it clean, boys," Pat warned.

"Or don't. It's not like I'll be paying attention anyways," I mumbled as I moved my right leg out from under the blanket. I playfully nudged Pat as I spoke softly, "you should stop being so OCD about cleanliness. Remember, messes are fun too. Words or literal messes." The room erupted in laughter.

"I like your girlfriend," Josh teased. "She'll actually let us have fun." I sat up and looked at them. Josh had broad and cheeky grin on his face. Tyler looked sheepish and was turning red. Both had small sheets of paper and a pen. I looked back at Pat.

"If you're concerned about what I might overhear, I can go to bed?" I offered. He shook his head and pulled me back into his chest. I grinned as I closed my eyes again.

"No way, doll. You're not leaving my sight other than bathroom privacy and they're not coming into our room. This is not up for debate," he whispered. I wrapped my arm around his and held onto his shoulder. "Sleep, Sarah. I'll be here when you wake up." I nodded and drifted off. A loud rumbling laugh startled me awake. I kept my eyes closed and shifted closer to Pat's arm. He tightened his arm around my waist. "Next one," he laughed. "Monkey eating a banana." Josh and Tyler laughed. "Um, is it a monkey? Crap. Well is this thing eating something?" More laughs. I blushed and sat up. I glared at Josh and Tyler. Josh immediately dropped his hands to his side, his face flushing bright red. 

"Let me guess. Your idea, Josh?" I ventured. Josh nodded and turned a brighter shade of red as he snickered. I looked back at Pat; he looked confused. 

"Hey, beautiful. Did we wake you?" I looked back at the other two across the room and grinned.

"Kiss me," I demanded as I looked back at Pat. He grinned and turned my body slightly. He kissed me softly. I sighed and wrapped my hand around his neck and pressed harder against his lips. Our lips moved in unison. I nibbled his lip as I put my leg on the ground and backed away from him. I looked back at the two on the other couch. Both had an amused grin on their faces. "You wanted him aroused, now he's aroused," I stated as I stood up. Pat was breathless, seemed to be in a fog, and his cheeks were flushed. He tried to pull me back into his arms. I shook my head. I hopped to the wheelchair and sat in it. "Excuse me, gentlemen. I'll give you a few minutes to collect your thoughts and become civil again. Then it's lunch time," I insisted as I rolled away. Josh and Tyler let out a hearty laugh. 

"Dude! Annette wasn't even watching and she got it!" Josh chuckled. I rolled my eyes and wheeled myself to the company bathroom, choosing not to all the way through the house.

"Men are pigs," I whispered as I looked in the mirror. "At least your boyfriend isn't though," I retorted as I sat down. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Maybe I should get them outside; no more babysitting. I stood up and flushed the toilet and hopped back over to the sink so I could wash my hand. I let out a surprised yelp as someone knocked on the door. I turned off the water and took a deep breath to calm myself. "I'm decent. Give me a minute," I insisted as I lowered myself back into the chair. The door cracked open.

"Are you okay, 'Nettie?" Tyler asked. I nodded as he came into the room and stood behind my wheelchair. "We're sorry if we made you uncomfortable. We were just trying to get him to loosen up a little. He's so tense. We just wanted him to relax and not be so on edge. He's overly concerned about you. We figured if we could get him to relax while you slept, he wouldn't be as tense." I nodded as he wheeled me back towards the kitchen. 

"I get it and appreciate the effort. Care to help me prepare lunch? Then it's time to go outside. I'll probably make Pat fish," I insisted. I bit my lip. I hated fishing but I couldn't keep these three inside any longer; especially if it meant I had to listen to them. 

"Love to, sister dear," he responded and stopped me by the counter. "What am I preparing?"

"A picnic or two," I replied as Josh helped Pat hobble into the kitchen. I met Pat's eye as he lowered himself into a table chair. Josh moved over to the sink and help Tyler prepare a meal. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"I'm fine, doll. Are you?" Pat asked kindly. I nodded and looked away. "Then why do you look guilty?" He accused. I looked back at his eyes. 

"I am," I insisted as a single tear leaked out of my eyes. I wiped it away hastily. "I kept you inside with me and these crazy brothers thought it would be a great idea to see if they could continue to rile you up. Then my first thought when I woke up was to encourage them. I'm sorry for leaving you to such horrible conditions. I'm a terrible guest or host or whatever." Pat opened his mouth in protest and I continued quickly, "so I'm getting a picnic lunch ready, we're going outside, and you guys are going fishing. With your bare hands would be impressive, but not necessary. I hear it's quite relaxing. Also, I didn't get a chance to see what meat we have so I was thinking fish for dinner. You guys have to catch enough for that. Thoughts?"

"Sounds like a plan, but I thought you said keep the fish out of your kitchen," Pat teased. I bit my lip and looked around.

"This isn't exactly my kitchen, is it?" I retorted sarcastically as I met his eye again. He shook his head and grinned at me. I took a deep breath. "You said you weren't going to leave me alone, but I can't leave you with them anymore. I can't hear another innuendo. I want to be alone with you; you said you would be hiking or on the lake. Given my circumstances, only one of those options is available. Plus I was hoping for a better outcome this time around when you brought me back to shore," I explained around tears. I looked down, clamped down on my lip that was beginning to quiver, and blinked my tears away. 

"Come here, doll," Pat pleaded. I shook my head. Tyler crouched in front of me and looked at me.

"I'm going to move you over to Pat's arms. He helps keep you calm," he stated softly. I shook my head again. Tyler sighed. "Okay, you can stay put, but you're not alone and the only thing waiting for you on shore will be two very concerned friends," he remarked. I nodded. He reached over and rubbed my knee tenderly. "We care about you." I nodded again, bent over, and let the tears run freely. I rested my elbow on my knee and crossed my arm over my chest, holding onto my left shoulder as I tried to contain the shaking and crying. Tyler wrapped both arms around me gently and put my head on his shoulder. "Hey! You're fine. You can cry, don't hold it in. Josh and I were not trying to upset or offend you. We're guys with dirty minds, and that's the only explanation I can offer. I'm sorry." I nodded and pulled back. Tyler stayed in contact with my body as he rubbed my leg affectionately. "If you don't calm down, I'm bringing Pat over here or you over there. 'Nettie, please look at me." I took a calming breath as I was able to reign in my emotions. I let my breath out slowly as I looked up. "Talk to us, Annette," Tyler ordered.

"It's fine. I get it. That type of talk usually doesn't bother me. I don't know what's going on," I cried. I sat up and dried my eyes. I looked back up at Pat. "I'm sorry for crossing the lines," I whispered. He grinned.

"Nothing to apologize for, doll," Pat insisted. Tyler rubbed my knee one last time, stood up, and walked over to the counter.

"Definitely don't apologize for that, Net," Josh interjected as he rummaged through the cupboards and pulled out several bags of chips and crackers. Tyler began slicing a block of cheese and some summer sausage. "You nailed it. We were trying to arouse him. He can be a little thick sometimes," Josh stated. I blushed and lowered my head as more tears threatened to spill again. Pat cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"I'm not thick. That last 45 minutes was hard to play dumb. Lollipop. Popsicle. Bush. Hot dog. Beach balls. Fuel pump. Explosion. Your acting sucks. Your minds are deep in the gutter. I gathered what you guys were getting at. Let's face it, you just don't have the skills Annette does," Pat clarified. I blushed a deeper shade of red every time he said another word. "Breathe, doll. You're turning purple," he ordered. I bit my lip and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. I stood up and pushed the wheelchair in his direction, refusing to look at any of them. Then I hopped about halfway down the hallway and leaned against the wall. I closed my eyes and took deep slow breaths. After the third one, Pat wheeled himself down and greeted me with a, "hey, beautiful." I opened my eyes in surprise. "Sorry, doll. I didn't mean to startle you. Were you planning on running away?" I shook my head as I put more pressure against the wall with my back. Pat smiled warmly at me. "Josh has a tendency of being a little crass sometimes; he came up with more than half of the gestures. I couldn't reel him in if I tried."

"I'm well aware of that. I've never been the butt of his jokes before though. Or somehow implied to be a part of it. I couldn't take it. Did they want you to suck them off, or me to suck you off?" I whispered as more tears fell down. He opened his arms and I shook my head. He nodded and lowered them. I took another deep breath. "I can't do it Pat. I'm sorry I gave in and kissed you like that."

"Don't apologize for that, doll. I'm not going to lie. I really enjoyed it. You didn't cross the lines. We've kissed several times before. Granted not many have left me speechless and breathless. Plus, I was the punchline not you, doll. Never you," he replied with a sincere smile. I grinned and looked down at him.

"Doesn't that hurt you?" I asked softly. "Me doing that and just leaving? I don't want to hurt you." Pat put his head down but he was grinning. "That's not an answer," I whispered.

"If that's pain, doll, I'll take it a thousand times over," he chuckled. He looked back up at me. "We would have issues if you rubbed my thigh or tried taking my shirt off, but you didn't cross the lines. It's like when I kiss you like that. My goal is to get you to settle down and get your mind off of whatever is bothering you, or bring you back to reality. Anytime you take the lead you drive me absolutely bonkers and I love it. There's a part of me that doesn't want the kisses to stop, but there's a bigger part that really enjoys when you do that. You left me breathless for a change. Don't feel guilty over it. I loved every second of it," he reassured me. I reached my hand out and he met me halfway. He squeezed mine sympathetically. "You're in the driver's seat, doll. We won't do anything unless you're sure you want to. The moment you feel it's too much, you're welcome to leave like you did. I'm not upset. As long as you come back to me in your own time, I'll be happy," he promised. 

"Seal it?" I begged as tears continued to fall silently down my face. Pat stood up, pinned me against the wall, and leaned in. His right hand rested behind my neck. I looked up at him in anticipation. I took in a shaky breath as I met his eyes.

"Are you sure, doll?" He breathed as he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against mine. I took a deep breath and tilted my head back. Our lips met and I squeezed his hand tighter. He pulled back, released my neck, and leaned on the wall. I gasped for air as I studied him. He smiled tenderly at me and released my hand so he could wipe my tears. "Sarah, you are the most beautiful soul I know. I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," I sighed. "I need your big lungs." He chuckled, wrapped me in a warm embrace, adjusted his position so his back was against the wall, and he rubbed my back. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent, grateful for the moment, I wasn't pinned. "Don't leave me," I begged around a silent sob. He brought one hand to my head and stroked it, the other drew small circles on my lower back.

"I don't plan on it, doll," he promised. "If I do, I'll always come home to this. This is where I belong," he whispered and kissed my head. I looked up at him.

"I don't want your home to be where I'm so broken. I want to feel complete in your arms, not barely together," I wept.

"We're working on that, doll," he promised as he stroked my cheek. "You can take as much time as you need. You can't scare me away. I'm a lost cause, completely entranced by you." I grinned as he bopped my nose. "There she is. My insecure, beautiful, radiant Sarah. The girl that needs help and asks for it. Thanks for being so open with me, doll. Thanks for not wearing the mask of confidence that Annette proudly displays and hides behind. Thank you for not hiding your pain behind a smile. Thank you for your heart," he whispered as he lowered his head closer to mine. I blushed and ducked my head. He tsked me until I looked up again. He grinned and rubbed his nose against mine. "I told you, doll. My whole world is in those eyes. Don't hide them from me." I grinned.

"You'll make a person go dizzy with your stare down," I teased. He wiped my eyes again and pulled me closer to his chest.

"Then I guess I better hold on tight in case you take a stumble," he teased. I giggled and put my head on his chest. "Are you hungry, doll? I hear that dock calling our names. After all, that's what you were getting at, wasn't it?" I giggled again as I nodded. "Do you want to try a canoe this afternoon?" I shook my head. "Okay. The dock it is. Whenever you're ready, doll. I like this option too."

"I like the idea of picnics on the dock with you. Josh and Tyler aren't coming are they?" I asked as I bit my lip in concern and looked back at him. He smiled. 

"Just you and me," he replied warmly. "And a picnic basket. And the mosquitoes. And possibly a fishing pole," he teased. I giggled and nodded. "Okay, doll. Hold onto the wall for a minute and I'll sit down. Together we'll go down to the beach." I nodded again as I obeyed. He quickly pulled me back into his arms, draped sideways in his lap, and wrapped me in a warm embrace. "I lied. I'll need one of them to help us go down the hill so we don't crash. I'd just rather be safe than sorry," he whispered into my hair. I giggled again.

"I might actually be able to walk again if we crashed," I teased. Pat chuckled as he stroked the bruise on my hand. I looked down at it and shuddered. "I told you I'd end up all colorful if we went camping." Pat looked down my arm and paused when he noticed the bruise. His fingers stopped moving and he tensed beneath me. I pulled my hand into my lap and changed the subject. "Enough about that. Good memories. Day on the lake, soaking up the sun rays, enjoying your company, and maybe even learning to like fishing. Most of all, diving deeper into the pool of love," I spoke rapidly as I looked at him and kissed his cheek. "I don't hold you responsible, you know? You did what you could to protect me. You didn't hesitate when things went from bad to worse. Pat, you wanted to take care of me and that meant stepping in front of me. Nobody has ever done that before. It's a new feeling but one of the best ones I've ever experienced. I love you for your caring and protective nature. I love that you're my shield. I will never hold it against you if sometimes I still get hurt when you tried to protect me. Please understand that. I know it wasn't your fault. I'm not mad at you." He grinned and began wheeling us slowly towards the kitchen. 

"I know, doll. I know. You're far too forgiving to everyone but yourself. So, pool of love? I that's one pool I'd love to swim in forever with you," he whispered. I giggled and he smiled. "Can I kiss you?" Pat begged. I nodded and leaned in as he stopped our ride. His left hand traced up my back as his right hand rested on my jaw. I moved in closer and he smiled. "You should let me lead, doll," he teased as he tilted his head in and move closer to me.

"Thought you said I was in charge and that you liked it when I led?" I retorted. He chuckled and sat up straight.

"You're right, doll," he whispered. "I'm all yours." I grinned, wrapped my arm around his neck, and pulled him closer to me as my eyes closed. When our lips finally connected, I felt frozen to the spot. Gradually, the passionate kiss became softer until Pat pulled back and stroked my cheek. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at him. He had a goofy grin on his face and the intensity of his gaze gave me shivers. I lowered my hand and rested it on his chest. He wrapped his right hand around my fingers and took a deep breath. "You are so beautiful. So sweet. I love you, Sarah," he whispered as he embraced me warmly. I leaned into his neck and just sat there.

"I love you too, Benji," I whispered. He played with my braid and rubbed my back until I sat up, turned my body, and rested my legs on his. 

"Shall we go, doll?" I nodded again and he smiled, moving both his hands back to the wheels. We poked our heads around the corner cautiously as we heard a loud guffaw. Josh and Tyler were snacking as they joked and leaned against the counter, and Josh was turning red from laughter. Tyler's shirt was covered in mustard, but other than that, there was no visible mess. Pat parked the wheelchair, grabbed my hand, and looked at both of them. Josh and Tyler turned to us. "Annette gave me permission to ban you from the premises if you do anything to make her that uncomfortable again." Pat teased. I started to protest and he covered my lips with his hand. "She also would like to add that you are both very immature and need girlfriends. Until such a miracle happens, leave us alone." I giggled and lowered my gaze.

"Oh really?" Josh countered as he walked over and flicked Pat's hand by my mouth. Pat dropped his hand and shook it. "If that's so why'd you stop her from speaking up? We're all ears, little Net," Josh beamed at me. I giggled again.

"Nope. I think he covered it all. Oh with the exception of we're going to the dock. We need help getting down there please. Unfortunately, I don't want to see either of you anywhere near the dock. Especially you, Tyler. I hate the smell of mustard," I replied as I crinkled my nose. Josh chuckled.

"Alright we'll help. We kinda snacked on most of our lunch anyways," Josh replied. 

"I'm changing my shirt. Then I need to take care of my sister. Jess left specific instructions for you," Tyler added as he ducked down the hall.

"Should I be concerned?" I asked Pat. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Your sister," he whispered. I grinned. Tyler came back down with something tucked under his arms.

"Alright. Ready?" Tyler asked as he grabbed a smaller picnic basket then the one we had yesterday. I nodded as I rested my head on Pat's shoulder. "Whacha think, Josh? Easiest way to do this is carry them both," Tyler teased. Josh grinned and grabbed the footrest, tilting us backwards. I yelped and closed my eyes. Pat wrapped his arms around me and exaggerated his breathing. I tried my best to copy him as we were lowered down again. I grabbed his hand and held onto it like it was my life support.

"We're just kidding, Net," Josh chuckled. "There's a lot more layers to you than we originally thought." My breathing came out in short spurts but I refused to open my eyes as we started to move.

"Focus on me, doll," Pat instructed softly. I turned my head towards his voice and squeezed his hand tighter. He brushed his cheek against mine, took another deep breath, and I copied him. He moved his head again and was by my ear and I felt his breath curl around my neck up towards. I tensed but didn't pull away. "You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are creative. You are passionate. You are considerate. You shine doll. Although, I've yet to see where your solar panels are located," he whispered softly and slowly by my ear. Thankfully, his breath tickled my jaw. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He grinned as our eyes met. "Thanks for calming down, doll. Another victory in the books," he praised. I looked around and gasped. We were on the beach. Josh and Tyler were working on hooking something up to the dock. Sounds of a hammer striking a nail filled the air. Our dock now had a little side rail and a flowy curtain being draped over it. I looked back at Pat. "Jess is afraid of you burning," he answered my unasked question. I nodded and looked back at the black lacy tent that was meant to provide my shade.

"It won't protect much," I muttered.

"It'll protect you enough. You're also going to slather up in sunscreen," Pat ordered. I pouted. 

"I hate how it smells. But yes, dear, I'll do it," I confirmed. "Where's your tackle box and pole? What can I do to help you?"

"Shh, doll. You are supposed to enjoy the afternoon. No need to worry about me," Pat chuckled. Josh and Tyler came back over.

"Come here, sister dear," Tyler beamed. I bit my lip and he just chuckled. "Oh, 'Nettie. Told you, I have to take care of my sister," he chided. He grabbed my hand and hoisted me up. Then he carried me to the dock. "Stay in the shade. It'll let enough sun through that you can enjoy it but you won't get burned. I'd hate to see you looking like a lobster, so please follow directions," he begged. I nodded and scooted over. I grabbed a pillow and held onto it. "One more thing. Here," he insisted as he pulled out the same sunglasses I wore after leaving the hospital and put them on my face. 

"Thanks, Tyler," I replied sincerely with a grin. He leaned over and kissed the top of my head. Josh helped Pat hop over with a pole and tackle box then pushed us out. Pat pulled out the sunscreen and began to rub it on my arms. I stared at him and he smiled warmly at me. "Okay so question. We were out here for hours yesterday and before that, dancing in the sun. I didn't wear sunscreen yesterday. Why all the precautions today?"

"Yesterday was overcast. The sun had a hard time peeking through all the clouds even though it was so warm. There isn't one cloud today, doll," Pat replied as he rubbed the sunscreen on my cheeks. "Even though the sun didn't show much, your cheeks are still rosy pink. I can't imagine what would happen if yesterday was a day like today. If you burn, I can't kiss you. And I really like kissing you," Pat chuckled. I grabbed onto his button down shirt and pulled him closer. He grinned and met me halfway, kissing me ever so softly. "Yeah. Just like that," he smirked and grabbed my hand. "Shall we see if your brother packs a good of a lunch as your sister?" I giggled as Pat pulled the basket in front of us. "Summer sausage, cheese, crackers, and I think every chocolate bar in the house. Not as pretty of a basket as your sisters, but still just as fun. I'll have to keep the frozen water bottles on the chocolate to keep them from melting," he told me. I grinned and looked around. Pat kissed my cheek as he snuggled in behind me. "I've never seen a sight more beautiful, doll," he whispered as he kissed my neck. I flinched forward and he rubbed my shoulder instead.

"We need to get you out to sight see more then," I teased. He chuckled and put the basket in my lap. I grabbed some summer sausage and took a bite, then I offered it to him. He finished it and kissed my fingertips. "Not as romantic as strawberries and grapes," I giggled, "but I couldn't ask for better company."

"Agreed," he replied and kissed my cheek again as he dug in basket and fished out more food. "You are by far the best person I've ever come to know. I love you, Sarah." I grinned and leaned into him; he was truly the best.

"Love you too, Benji," I whispered, accepting another bite.