18. Setback

My body felt weighed down as I opened my eyes slowly. A bright light was above me. I squinted against it and tried to sit up. "Whoa! Not so fast," a voice said beside me, his hand guided me to a sitting position. I turned towards it and began to tear up. NO! He shouldn't be here. "She just lost all color, guys. Get the nurse!" 

"Not yet. Let me try first. 'Nettie, who shouldn't be here?" That voice, I knew that voice. Noah! I shut my eyes tight. This isn't real. It's all in my head. A tear slipped out of the corner of my eyes. I had to make it stop. "'Nettie, calm down. You're not imagining anything." 

"I know you want to feel in control and are trying to break me, Ark. But messing with my memories is low, even for you. Thought you already tried that tactic," I muttered under my breath. Silent sobs shook my body. I moved my hand and covered my eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears streaming out steadily. "You can't turn the people I care about against me, even if it's all in my head." The hand left my back, but I couldn't place anything else happening; I didn't want to. I needed to wake up. Fully wake up. This was wrong. 

"'Nettie, you're not dreaming. Open your eyes. Look at me. I'm not in your head. No one is turning against you," Noah pleaded. I scrunched them tighter. "Sarah! Open your eyes," he demanded. My brother only called me Sarah when he desperately needed my attention. Slowly I put my hand down and opened my eyes. He stood in front of me at the foot of my bed. "Forgive the silence," he said out loud. Next to his hip he subtly signed, "you used to sleep with a stuffed white lamb when you were a kid. Two years ago, Great Grandma gave you a blue and green washed stone bracelet. You put it around the lamb's neck that has been taking up residence on your dresser for the past ten years. Do you believe I am here?" I nodded. He continued to sign, "great. You're safe. No one is going to hurt you. You sign when you panic, that's why I could answer your questions even though you never voiced it. Tell me something that could never have been beaten out of me by anyone." 

Keeping my hand by my hip, I signed back, "your favorite song is Dirty Little Secret by All American Rejects." 

He smiled. "Not even my girlfriend knows that yet. Now, where are you?" 

"Large room. Huge mirror. He punishes me. Ark took me. He wants me." 

"Focus. What do you last remember?"  

"Being forced under water. Why am I tied up? I can't move my arm!" I blinked back tears as I tried to move it again; I couldn't even bounce my fingers on my left hand. I refused to take my eyes off my brother as I was convinced this was just a bad dream. "What's going on?"

"In a minute. How did you get here? This room. This place," he signed. I looked around the room. Pat sat in the chair beside me holding his breath. Two people were sitting by the table full of flowers. I looked back at my brother confused. 

"Has it always been this bright? Where's the mirror? Where am I?" I signed and began to tear up again.  

Noah stopped signing by his hip and moved to signing fully in front of his body. "Focus, 'Nettie. You're safe. What happened?" 

"They're going to see! Stop! Go back to your hip! They can't know we can communicate," I signed frantically by my hip as I gasped and started to hyperventilate. He just grinned at me and put his palm by his temple and moved the fingers towards me. Right. Focus. I bit my lip and bounced my fingers trying to remember where I was. 

"Stop, 'Nettie. Breathe," he ordered as he crossed his hands; he was telling me he wouldn't sign again and that I was stressing him out too. I clenched my hand into a fist and sat there staring at him. He gave me a small nod and smile to encourage me. 

"Okay. So Noah' s acting like I'm safe, not in danger. Come on! Focus, 'Nettie. Look at your surroundings. Figure it out," I mentally chided myself as I took a deep breath, looked at my leg and arm -both in a sling of some sort- and exhaled. Finally, I signed, "Lionel is Ark. He tried to rape me. I said no. He broke my leg. He's dead. Ronnie shot him. My head hurts." I paused, my body shook as silent sobs continued to control my body. I took three deep breaths, winced, hugged my chest, and studied the faces of the two by the table. Nurse Jess and her brother Tyler - got it! I grinned. "I'm in the hospital. Missoula. I just had to have emergency surgery due to several blood clots," I whispered piecing the puzzle back together. Everyone in the room let out a collective sigh of relief and grinned. 

"What was that?" Pat whispered in awe. I looked over at him and studied his features. He smiled warmly at me. 

"Unfortunately, after a severe concussion, 'Nettie's mind often takes her back a few days, its own protection barrier per say. This is the most delayed reaction she's ever had. She thought she was back where they captured her, playing mind games. She wasn't expecting to see your face, man. The quickest way I could convince her she wasn't dreaming, was to sign. Her hand twitched, did you catch that?" Noah explained.

"I did. I just always thought she had a nervous twitch. She did it often at work too. Seeing you do it too, I could tell you two were talking somehow, but I never would have guessed it was a communication method," Pat replied. I bit my lip; I wasn't imagining things and just scared my friend. 

"We tried to keep it that way; the more people that believed the nervous twitch the better. A long time ago, we began to communicate with sign language, but we had to keep it on the down low. Dad never caught on and it's how we made sure the other was alright. I moved to signing in front of my body because that would shock her the most and jolt her memory. When you were brought in on Wednesday, 'Nettie, I expected some delay when you woke up, just not the second, er uh, third time you woke up. I'm just glad we were here. I can't imagine how this would've gone if it happened in the middle of the night," Noah calmly explained as I met his eye again.  

"Wait?! So I did that often? I don't remember," I replied thinking back to previous injuries. 

He chuckled, "not too often. Usually, it was just you and me, so your memory didn't seem too bad. A short while later, you would be on track again and it's like it never happened. I never asked if you remembered those incidents. Sorry." 

"Vaguely, maybe. I don't know! And anyways, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Any of you," I said apologetically. Turning towards Pat, I continued as hot tears fell down my cheek, "especially you. I bet I just made you feel tiny; my color draining at the sight of you. You must have thought I hated you. I'm sorry. I just didn't think your face would be the first one I saw. I don't hate you. Again, I'm sorry." 

"You're good, doll. It's not in you to hate. Disdain maybe, but never hate. Besides, that wasn't nearly as stressful as the past week," he admitted and held up a wilted remains of baby breath with a grin. "You destroyed your flowers, doll." I laughed softly, blushed, and looked down as he continued, "as a matter of fact, it was kinda entertaining watching you interact with your brother. You actually show your emotions with him. It was nice to see you be vulnerable for a change instead of so guarded. We're all just happy that you're okay, doll. You're safe. Just remember that." I bit my lip again as I looked across the room. Jess, Tyler, and Noah nodded in agreement. 

"Can I give you an apology hug?" I asked as I met Pat's eye again. He grinned and stood up.

"If it'll make you feel better. You're fine though. Really, doll," he murmured as he sat beside me and gave me a side hug. I leaned into him and wrapped my arm around his waist and gave him a tender squeeze. He rubbed my back as I sat up again.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. 

"You're fine, Annette. I'm glad you're back," he murmured.

"I feel so weak," I confessed. "And stiff. And sore. And hungry." I paused between often trying to exactly pinpoint what I was feeling.

Jess laughed, "figures. I'll go get you some broth. Beef or chicken?" 

"Chicken," Noah and I both confirmed at the same time as she left. Pat walked over to the garbage and threw the crumpled flower away then sat back down in the seat beside me. "So Pat told us his offer. I think you should accept it. We haven't found a place to rent yet, so we're chilling in hotels," Noah voiced. I opened my mouth to protest and he raised his hand. "He told us of your feelings about being a burden. So he extended the stay to us too. One of us will always be with you. Plus, most hotel rooms are ill equipped to fit your wheelchair that you are bound to get. There isn't a guarantee that you'll get a ground floor room." 

"And my place is all one level with plenty of space," Pat added. I gave them all a half grin. 

"One of you will always be with me? Even here, overnight?" I asked. It didn't escape my notice that the three men exchanged glances. 

"Annette, is something making you uneasy about being here alone?" Tyler questioned. I nodded and the three of them exchanged another glance. 

"What's going on, doll?" Pat asked. 

"I don't know! I just don't feel safe! I can't be here," I wept as I pulled my left knee and the blanket to my chest, and rested my head on my knee. Pat stood up and grabbed my hand. Noah rounded the bed and sat beside me on my left. He carefully wrapped me into his chest making sure he didn't bump my shoulder. Tyler was now standing at the foot of my bed. I leaned into my brother and cried. He kissed the top of my head and softly rubbed my back. When I had calmed down a little, I stretched my leg out again. Tyler rubbed it sympathetically. "Over a year I haven't seen you. I didn't think our first embrace would be with me so broken," I cried into Noah's chest. 

"I'd always be here for you, 'Nettie. Broken, fixed, or anything in between; I'll always have your back. I missed you, kid. Love you," he whispered, kissing my head again. 

"Love you too, Noah," I wept. 

"You know it hasn't been a year," Noah teased. I looked over at him and he grinned. "It's been about 11 months and 15 days," he stated in a manner fact tonation. I stuck my tongue out at him and leaned back into him.

"You and your damn numbers," I grumbled. Causing everyone to chuckle softly. "I hate you all looking at me like I'm going to break," I mumbled.

"We care about you, Annette. Being vulnerable doesn't make you weak," Tyler repeated the same phrase he had said earlier. I grinned at him. 

"No one expects you to stay strong forever," Pat added. I looked over at him and he smiled weakly at me. I squeezed his hand a little tighter, causing his smile to broaden.

"Who died? You all look so solemn," Jess declared as she walked back in the room with a tray of food. I nuzzled into Noah's neck and grinned. Everyone chuckled. Tyler and Pat went back to their seats. Noah stayed next to me. 

"I'll stay tonight, sis. Before you eat, you need to cough again," Noah stated. I nodded and tried to cough. My chest burned and every muscle ached. I shed some more tears as I tried again with success. "The strongest person I know, even if you are so broken," he admitted and kissed my temple before settling me back into my pillow. He pushed the table over as Jess brought me the tray. Hand in hand, they moved towards the table of gifts 

"Do I need to eat alone? It feels weird eating while you all just watch," I remarked. They all chuckled softly. "Although, I do appreciate you all being here." Pat stood up again and slid over a piece of paper. 

"Actually, I'm going to head back home, doll. I promised I'd say good-bye before I left. Here's my phone number. Call me if you need anything at all. Anything. Linda and I will come back tomorrow. If that's okay?" I nodded and squeezed his hand. 

"Thank you, Pat," I whispered. He squeezed my hand again and gently placed it in my lap. His fingers traced the top of my hand as he withdrew from my grasp. The action sent shivers down my spine. I met his eye and grinned. "I mean it. Thank you. For everything and sticking around and saying good-bye. I wish I could tell you how much it means."

"You betcha, doll. I always keep my promises. I'm glad you woke up and your brain isn't scrambled anymore. Take care. I'll see you tomorrow," he promised as he headed towards the door.  

"I think you deserve some peace and quiet," Tyler offered as he moved towards the door with Pat; they bumped into Lauren. Pat apologized and Tyler chuckled then looked back at me. "Or maybe some good quality girl time," he implied winking at Noah. Noah grinned and stood up. 

"I think that is just what you need!" Noah insisted as he gave my left foot a tender squeeze. "I'll be back later." I nodded and grinned.

"Are you okay with this?" I asked Jess. 

She nodded. "It will be fun," she agreed. "Come on in, sweetie!" Lauren smiled and came in to sit beside her. The guys waved, left, and closed the door behind them. Jess stuck her right hand out. "I'm Jess." Lauren shook it. 

"Lauren. Do I have you to thank for getting us out?" Jess nodded slightly but pointed at me, and Lauren grinned. "I don't need to know the details and I won't tell anyone that you were there too. My mom thinks our kidnapper had a change of heart, since he brought us here, and I'm perfectly inclined to let her and the rest of the world think that," she said sincerely. "Enough of times past. Annette, I brought you some goodies! Now that you're awake, you'll have to let me give you a makeover," she giggled holding up a pink paper bag. 

"Can I eat first?" I inquired, gesturing to my untouched food. 

"Of course! I think Jess and I can gossip for a minute!" Lauren replied with a smile. I returned the grin. I tried unsuccessfully to open the lid to my soup before Jess came over. 

"Two hands are better than one," she teased opening the broth. "I got you some crackers too. You need something more than just liquid, sweetie." 

"Thank you!" I genuinely expressed, picking up my spoon. 

"While you eat, can we decorate your toes?" Lauren inquired as she held up a bottle of hot pink nail polish and a bottle of black nail polish. Jess clapped her hands in excitement. I rolled my eyes and nodded as I took a sip of the soup. Jess uncovered my left foot from the blanket. "So what do you think, alternating toe colors or in the style of a french tip?" Lauren asked. 

"Both!" Jess giggled. 

"Agreed!" Lauren handed over the black polish. "Three each?" 

"Sure! I'm certain we can knock this out in no time flat," Jess stated and they both began painting a little toe. I noticed I felt the brush strokes on each foot and grinned. Things were definitely looking up. They chatted away idly but I tuned them out as I ate. I didn't even notice when they switched colors. "Annette!" Huh? What? I put my spoon down and gave Jess a quizzical glance. "Are you alright?" She asked me. I nodded. 

"I was just asking if you were ready for your spa day. Your spoon has clanked the bowl three times now," Lauren informed me giving me a look of concern. I looked at my empty bowl and blushed before looking at my toes. Instead of a solid print of color with a thin line of the opposite color on the top, they had actually done chevron stripes and I couldn't tell which base color they used on which toe. 

"I doze off mentally when I eat I guess. Sorry. Yeah, I'm fine," I replied pushing the table away. "Spa day? Sounds fun. I've never had one before. I love my toes, by the way," I grinned and they both bounced up and down on their toes. Jess cleared my tray and stuck it outside my door as Lauren dumped her bag on my table. "What is all of this stuff?" I asked looking at the vast array supplies on the table. I recognized the hair brush, hair spray, toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, lotion, and Icy Hot - a muscle relaxer. I smiled. "Bless you, Lauren. Hygiene tools!" I giggled. I picked up the mint gum she had brought as well and popped a piece in my mouth. "Seriously! Thank you!"

"You're welcome. So we have dry shampoo, exfoliating rub, clay mask, manicure equipment, and other beautifying products like makeup - just because it's fun," Lauren explained pointing to various items. "You're pretty, but I figured you could use some pampering. Jess? Are you familiar with these products?" 

"I am. Let's get to work," Jess replied enthusiastically.

"Not yet! Please help me put some Icy Hot on my shoulder and hips," I begged. Jess nodded and she immediately opened the cream and rubbed it on my left shoulder while I rubbed it on my right hip. Then she walked over to the sink and washed her hands and brought over a wet rag over to wipe my hand off too. "Thank you so much." 

"Of course. Okay, Lauren, what should we start with?" Jess asked. Lauren grinned and picked up two random items and handed one over to Jess. Together they began working on me. "Let us know if we cause more pain. We'll do our best to remain gentle. We'd hate to give you any unnecessary pain, but you have to let us know," Jess instructed. I nodded. She began spraying the dry shampoo in my hair as Lauren rubbed some goop on my hand. I closed my eyes and let them work. My machines began beeping sporadically again. I opened my eyes and looked at them. "o2 stats again. Sit all the way up, Annette. We have to put the mask back on," Jess urgently explained as she put the mask on me and turned it on. I nodded sitting up. "Lauren, we have to raise her hand above her head. Her lungs aren't expanding properly, causing her breathing to be labored and her heartbeat irregular." Lauren nodded and lifted my arm as the nurse came barreling in. I tried to regulate my breathing, but I felt faint. 

"Ladies, sorry to interrupt your fun," she said as she came to my right side, looking at all the machines that continued to beep. "We're going to have to remove the wrap around her chest. Keep her hand up, honey. You guys did everything right," the nurse praised as she took the pillow from behind my back and moved it to my left side. My head bounced, my chin connected with my chest, and I shut my eyes. "Keep her awake! If she falls asleep, she may not wake up," the nurse instructed as she undid the latch to my shoulder sling and maneuvered it to the pillow beside me. My body screamed in pain and tears fell. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes and looked at Jess wearily. She smiled at me, I nodded subtly, and slowly blinked. I was still awake and I wasn't giving up. Jess and the nurse worked simultaneously to unbutton my shirt. When Jess was done, she gently pushed my head up. I sat up tall and she grinned at me. "Keep that arm up," the nurse commanded as she began to unwrap my chest. I took as deep of a breath as I could, but I just felt dizzy. 

"No, Annette! Keep them open. Don't let your eyes roll into your head. Look at me, sweetie," Jess spoke loudly. I opened my eyes and looked at her again. My eyes blinked rapidly as I tried to focus. The nurse finished unwrapping my chest and had me lay flat on the bed, both hands resting at my side. "Annette, come on. Breathe, sweetie. Breathe!" Jess was pleading, nearing tears herself. I inhaled, counted to six and released my breath. I did that again. Finally the beeping stopped. I went back to breathing as normally as I could. My breaths were still very shallow, but I didn't dare try and take deeper ones. The nurse listened to my breathing and my heartbeat. 

"Much better. Keep her on the oxygen for half an hour at least. We'll put your shirt back on sweetie, but I'm leaving your sling and wrap off for a while. Try not to move," she instructed. I tried to nod but I don't think my body moved. Jess nodded in my place as she began fastening the buttons on my hospital gown again.  

"We'll take good care of her," she promised with a smile. The nurse left as quickly as she came in and Lauren grabbed a soft hand towel and began to softly clean the goop off my hand and arm. "You, missy, like getting everyone's heart racing," Jess teased. I shook my head and my eyes bulged. "I'm kidding, sweetie! But seriously. You need to worry about yourself instead of trying to please everyone else." 

"I agree," Lauren piped up. "You're in this mess because you wouldn't let them hit anyone else. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful I'm not hurt too, but imagine how much less pain you would be in now if you let them hurt us too." I opened my mouth to speak but Jess gave me a stern look. So I went with the method that worked best with Tyler. Holding up a fist with just my pinkie and thumb extended, I motioned to the table to my right. Lauren caught my meaning and handed me Tyler's phone. 

I typed, "Lauren I would do this at least 100x over if it meant you, Adam, and Ryan were safe." 

"I know. You have a pure heart of gold. Please just don't die for me, okay? I thought you did die in that place, and it made me sick to my stomach. All I could do was cry. You don't deserve to die; especially for me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Plus, now that we're out, you have a speech to work on," she replied. I tried to nod, but the best I could do was look up and down. At the moment I felt like I was back in sludge. Lauren finished toweling off my arm and met my eye. "Annette, can we finish pampering you? I don't know of any other way I can truly thank you."

"Your gratitude is well received. You owe me nothing. I don't want to be treated different," I typed and showed her. 

"Whatever. You wanted a friend and now you got one," Lauren replied with a grin. 

"Two," Jess added. I smiled at both of them and they went back to work. "Good news, now that your arm is out of the sling, we can paint your fingernails too! Don't worry, we'll be gentle." I looked up again then down. I could feel my eyelids getting heavier. Did the nurse up my morphine drip while she was in here? I couldn't remember, but I was feeling drugged. I closed my eyes while they worked, but made sure to move my fingers so they knew I was still awake. "Well, ladies. This has been fun! Annette, it has been half an hour. You can take the mask off. Junior here says I need to go to bed! I'll help prop you up and I'm off." I nodded and sat up. Jess removed the mask and hung it on the bed beside me; now on the left when it was usually on my right side. She held up my left arm as they worked together to prop up the pillows behind me. Jess eased me into the pillows and propped my left arm back on it's individual pillow. "Lauren, it was a pleasure to be able to truly meet you. Take care. Annette, keep fighting. We love you, sweetie," Jess said with a wink as she walked out the door, shutting it behind her. I looked over at Lauren, she looked uncomfortable but relaxed. 

"Lauren, if you don't want to be here, you don't have to feel obligated to stay," I said kindly, my words slurred slightly and I furrowed my brow; it wasn't right but I didn't have a reason as to why it was wrong. 

"You shouldn't be left alone, and I really don't mind staying. Adam is still at practice. We're going on an actual date tomorrow. We'd go tonight but practice started at seven and probably won't be done until ten or so," she grinned at me. 

"That's wonderful! I'm happy you two have a chance to do that," I exclaimed. "You both helped save my life back there. I wanted you to know that, and I'm eternally grateful." 

"We were just being decent human beings. It's the least we could do," she acknowledged. "I am curious though, how do you get so many cute guys to surround you?" 

"What are you talking about?" I asked, seriously confused. 

"Well, your brother has always been cute, and good at sports, so you know, instant turn on. Then as I was coming in those two bumped into me and I was like 'hello muscles'! The one guy works with you, right?" I nodded again. She grinned. "I thought he was hot at lunch for sure, but then I saw his leg and that takes him down a few notches." I hardened my gaze at her slightly but didn't say anything; Pat was no less of a decent human being because he wasn't whole. In fact, he was the most recent guy I knew. "Then you had that other guy with those pretty eyes and thick lashes. He looked back at you before I could get lost in them but all three of them are so toned and hot! And you had all three in here," she chuckled. I joined in. 

"Well hot is not a word I would use to describe my brother. I guess I didn't really study Tyler or Pat. They're good friends. They just want to make sure I'm okay. I don't notice Pat's leg any more. I don't think it defines him," I said as I blushed. 

"But if you could, would you do one? They obviously fawn over you," Lauren remarked, twirling her brown hair in her fingers. I turned a deeper shade of red. 

"Honestly, it's not exactly something I dwell over. I'd hate to ruin a great friendship because of it," I confessed. Lauren tossed her hair over her shoulder. 

"Whatever. So no boy talk. That makes you uncomfortable. I get it and you'll lose me with academic talk, so what can we talk about?" She pondered out loud. 

"Sleep," I mumbled, only half joking. "I feel beat. All my energy is drained." 

"Understandably. It's 8:45. I can stay for another half hour, then I have to go. You're welcome to rest, but your body keeps trying to fail and I'm not leaving you alone. I don't know what to do, but you've been alone enough," Lauren announced. "Now we don't have a lot in common, but I will try and be a good friend to you, Annette. My skills lay in makeup and gossip. Yours is in books and such. I want to learn from your compassion though. Also, if Adam and I break up we're going to the mall. Guys seem to bend over backwards for you. I'd love me some good arm candy." I grinned; no sense in getting her off the topic of boys. 

"Okay. I'll help. I know that if I were to date though, he'd have to be more than just brawns and muscles," I replied, indulging her slightly. 

"Ooh! What would your perfect man be like? This is my favorite game!" Lauren giggled and bounced in her seat. I grinned.

"Truth be told, he has to be able to be my friend first," I explained. 

"There's more! Like would he be tall? Athletic? Strong? Smart?" Lauren begged, leaning forward in her seat in anticipation. Just then, Noah walked through the door, holding a backpack and what looked to be a collapsible chair. 

"I'll get back to you on that, Lauren," I promised. She stood up and flung her hair over her shoulder again. "Thanks for a fun night." 

"Okay. I'll hold you to it. And anytime. We'll have another girl's day soon. See ya! Noah, good to see you again. Bye!" Lauren waltzed out the door. 

"Hey, 'Nettie. Jess called. Some night, huh?" Noah asked. I grinned sheepishly. He came over beside my bed and set his items in the chair Lauren had just vacated. "Do you want to sleep or play a card game and catch up." 

"I really want to say catch up but," I yawned, "I can't seem to stay up." Noah ruffled my hair and removed the pillows from my back, laying me down gently. 

"Sleep. The nightmare is over. We'll catch up later," he insisted, removing the chair from it's sleeve. I gasped in wonder as I realized it wasn't a chair at all as my brother set up a cot against the wall. "Are they wrapping you up again tonight or putting your arm back in the sling?" 

"I don't know," I replied honestly, stifling another yawn. It hurt to move. "Guess I should cough again before calling it a night, huh?" Noah grinned, put the bear in my lap, grabbed my hand, and gently pulled upright. I leaned forward and coughed. Then he helped me lay down again. "I feel drugged, Noah. Weak and tired. Sorry for being such boring company," I slurred, snuggling the bear to my chest. 

"Sleep, 'Nettie. You've earned some rest. Love you," he murmured affectionately as he pulled the blanket up, covering me to my belly button. I closed my eyes but was unable to say anything so I closed my ring finger and middle finger into my palm, leaving my thumb, pointer, and pinkie fingers upright - sign language for I love you. Even though I was in a lot of pain, sleep came quickly.