17. Visitors

A knock on the door startled me awake. Groggily, I sat up as the door was pushed open. "Hello! Hello! I'm just here to draw some blood. Sorry for disturbing you. Let me prop this door open. So much bustling! It's easier to people watch," she said in a sing-song voice. 

"Doesn't that distract you from doing a good job on me?" I asked with vast skepticism.  

"Oh no! Of course not! You see I talk while I work and it's so much easier to talk if I have someone to talk about. For example..." I toned her out and laid my right arm flat. She took one look at my situation before tsk-ing. "The nurses won't be happy I have to stop your medication; I can't draw from the same arm your IV's are in. Oh! And they have the tubes wrapping behind and under your bed! I'm surprised they aren't kinking. Now, can I use your other arm? Ooh! We'll have to take that nasty sling off. I can't do my job with it there!"  

"Then don't. Go get one of my nurses before doing anything you shouldn't," I said with a hint of annoyance just as Mrs. Malloy walked through the door. 

"Willow! What are you doing in here? Out! She has a no draw order. We the nurses will draw as necessary," she snapped. As Willow left, Mrs. Malloy looked at me. "I'm sorry, hun. She doesn't pay attention to orders. Call for me if she comes back." I nodded and settled back into the pillow. "Oh! By the way. Your father just arrived. Are you up for company?"  

"If he's my only option then no," I thought but out loud replied, "sure, that's fine." As Mrs. Malloy left the room, I quickly dialed Noah's number and put the phone under my blanket. "Hey, Dad," I said as cheerfully as I could as he walked through the door in uniform. He humpfed at me in response and I gulped; my throat suddenly felt dry. "How's Mom and Annabelle?" I tried again. He looked out the open door and came closer, glaring at me and standing in what I found to be an intimidating pose, one hand fingering the snap on his gun holster, the other pulling on his bulletproof vest by his shoulder. 

"You ruined everything," he hissed. "As far as your mother is concerned, you're dead. Do not call. Do not stop by. Good-bye."  

Stunned, and for the first time, I tried to stop him. "What did I do? Can I please at least pick up some clothes and my bank card then? What am I supposed to do? I'm still 17. You are still legally responsible for me. You-" he cut me off with a slap across the face. I glared at him; my time in the complex had awoken a courage I didn't know existed. "I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't realize I offended you by coming home. I know I can't do anything right, but I need you. Most parents would be overjoyed to see their child again," I cried.

"Don't call me that; I am not your father. My daughter is dead. Her mother and I closed her bank account to use on her funeral. Her sister has inherited all of her belongings. There is nothing you own or have a claim to, minor. You did this to yourself when you ran away with your boyfriend. If you call for a ride home, you can guarantee your body will end up in the river," he fumed quietly. 

"I don't have a boyfriend. I would have introduced him to you," I retorted. He slapped me again. My cheek stung and I resisted the urge to cover it up. My eyes watered, but tears didn't fall.  

"Don't lie to me," he growled in my face, his eyes squinting slightly. "He's been in here the most. Your nursed has informed me that he refuses to leave your side," he snarled in my face, shooting small droplets of spit into my face.

"Tyler? He's here on Noah's behalf," I replied. Dad grabbed my left shoulder and applied a significant amount of pressure. I bit my lip as lots of tears sneaked out of my eyes. Ignoring the pain I continued, "you didn't hear? Oh that's right he's dead too. Tyler is Noah's co-worker. Apparently Noah made into the government and right now is undercover on assignment. I have no idea what he's doing or where he is. He was still able to keep tabs on me though somehow. Tyler is acting as my surrogate brother. He's only here to make sure I woke up, and I did. He left shortly after. Look around! He's not here now," I was almost yelling. My tears continued to fall but I pressed on, "see Noah had this feeling that you would try something before I woke up; up my morphine while the nurses had their backs turned, strangle me, or something to insure that I didn't wake up. Noah still cares about me. It's nice to know I have family I can rely on. You won't be able to hid behind that badge forever. But if you really wanted to insure my demise, sign for my release now! I won't be able to make it out there without the hospital staff, especially since I don't know how to get a hold of Noah." 

"My badge has nothing to do with you living or not. Your mother and sister think you're dead and that's the end of discussion. You should have just stayed away. I'll be picking up your final paycheck later. After all, my poor defenseless daughter can't even move around the house. I had to pick it up to help her. Good luck on the remaining days of your life. Don't forget, the river will be waiting for you if you call or come home," he snarled as he released my shoulder and walked out the door with a smirk on his face.  

"You won't win," I wept, lightly touching my shoulder. "I'll prove you wrong. I will succeed. I can be strong, if only just for me." I grabbed the teddy bear in the chair beside me, hugged it tightly as I buried my head in its fur, and openly cried. "Noah!" I exclaimed, remembering the phone. I picked it up and placed it by my ear, holding in place with my shoulder as I wiped my eyes with my hand. "Noah? I made it worse."  

"I'm here, 'Nettie. We heard everything. You were very brave to talk back to him. I'm proud of you, kid. Don't say anything. Just listen and cry; it's okay. You're right. You will succeed and are strong. You're not alone. Jess and Tyler are with me right now. We've got your back. Don't worry about where you'll live, but you never have to return home. You'll just have to accept my, excuse me, our help for a bit. Are you okay? We're still half an hour away," he replied. 

"He slapped me a couple of times and pressed down on my left shoulder. Other than that, this visit was mild compared to his normal visits. Good news though, I don't think I have to see him again," I explained. My voice cracked as tears continued to flow. "Is this the life I'm destined to have? Nothing but abuse every other day, maybe every other week?"  

"No!" Noah reassured at the same time Pat walked through the door saying the same thing. I sat there stunned for a minute, trying to say his name. Pat gave me a small smile as he gestured to my phone, asking if he could talk for a moment. I sat frozen and speechless but pulled the phone away from my ear. He took the phone and handed me a single red rose and put a bag m&ms in my lap. As I sat there dazed and numb, I put the rose in my lap at well so I could softly touch the petals, still looking up at Pat trying to compose myself again. People shouldn't ever see me like this; they would do something stupid and I couldn't look at them knowing they knew fine was a term I never was but always used. I couldn't stand the looks of pity or them thinking that I did nothing but lie to them. "Is this the brother? This is Pat from the restaurant... I only caught a partial of conversation... Yeah... She looks a little rough around the edges - pale and peaked... One side is red, not bad no... Emotional. Affirmative.... I know." His eyes studied me for a moment. Gently he cupped my face with one hand and wiped the tears that continued to silently fall with his thumb. "It's okay to cry, Annette. You don't have to feel guilty or put on a show. You're fine, doll. It's okay," he whispered, pulling the phone away from his mouth. He brought back quickly as he continued to talk to my brother. "Yeah... No she doesn't... Don't worry. I'll stick around. She'll be fine... Based on his last line, I doubt he'll be coming back but I'm afraid he'll try to kill her if their paths cross again... Gladly. I'll do my best; it's kinda in my nature... No. He won't get her paycheck either. We still have her tips from last week too... No... Yeah, he asked. Something was off, I refused to let her boss hand them over... Always. They consider me their eyes and ears... Yep. I'll let them know... Definitely. One of the strongest... Will do. Take care, man. I'm staying put until you guys are back." Pat hung up and handed me the phone back. Once again he wiped the tears that were falling down. "Hey, doll. I overheard what your dad said, I stepped in the open door as he mentioned you being dead to your mom and I noticed the anger in his body language as he growled about your last paycheck and final days. I wanted to clock him, but figured you needed a friend more here than in jail. I ducked into an empty room as he left. I came back and waited outside your door, giving you time to pull yourself together. When you asked about the abuse, I lost it. I'm sorry. You don't deserve to be hurt ever. Why do you let him talk to you like that?" He asked angrily, but in a soft tone. My lip quivered as I was unable to answer. His face immediately relaxed as he gazed upon my frightened expression. "When you get out, are you going home?" I shook my head. Home? I had no place to call home now. I bit my lip and sucked in some air. "Hey! Shhh. I'm sorry, but I'm glad to hear that. You gave us all quite the scare," he murmured setting the tissue box in my lap. I broke down again, burying my head in the teddy bear as my body shook with tears. "You're safe, Annette. Breathe. Calm down," he murmured softly.  

"I'm so sorry, Pat," I whispered around my sobs. He tenderly rubbed my back until I calmed down. "I'm sorry," I repeated as I looked up at him. He gave me a small smile and dried my cheeks.

"Hey, doll, don't apologize. It's fine. Truth be told, I wasn't sure if I'd truly be able to protect you if we went camping," he teased as he sat down in the chair beside me, scooting as close to the bed as he could. I laughed and looked him in the eyes. 

"Truth be told, I probably would've ended up looking like this anyways. Me and the outdoors don't get along very well," I teased back. He smiled but it didn't meet his eyes. I hesitantly lifted my hand and reached for him. He smiled and leaned into me. Gently, I placed it on his cheek and stroked the dark circles under his eye with my thumb. "Last Friday, you had a grin from ear to ear. It was a beautiful sight. It was the face I saw when it got rough." He looked at me with surprise, but his blue eyes still seemed lifeless. "Now your eyes seem empty and your smile barely shows. Somehow, I feel responsible; I'm sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have left when you wanted me to," I wept, my body shaking again. He covered my hand with his left, moved my hand, and pressed his lips to my fingers. Then he enclosed my hand in both of his as he rested our hands on the bed. He studied our hands; I studied his face as I let my tears fall silently. 

"Annette, I felt like I had let you down. Like I had failed another mission," he said, each word dripping in remorse. He looked up and I saw the tears glistening, but none fell. He quickly looked back at our hands, took a deep breath and continued, "I knew the threat was real. I knew you weren't safe and I left. I'm so sorry, doll! Then I come here and you're so hurt. I want to take your pain away. I failed you." 

"Don't. Please. You aren't a failure; I am," I insisted. His eyes shot up and met mine. He opened his mouth to protest and I pulled my hand away from his so I could cover his lips with a single finger. "I decided I needed a sweatshirt for camping, I left, and I didn't tell anyone. I failed you, and Linda, and Joe, and everyone else. You all cared so much and were doing what you could to help me get through the day. I just left. I hated feeling like everyone was treating me like a porcelain doll in a glass house. I didn't think there would be anything wrong with going to my car. I. I. I," I stammered trying to find the right words to say but all I found was more tears. I moved my hand to my face and sobbed. He stood up, removed the bear from my lap - setting it by my feet, and gingerly embraced me. I leaned into him and just let me hold me. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. 

"Doll, you have nothing to apologize for. Nothing, you hear me? What was it you said when I said you seemed to attract danger? 'It's just an off day. I'm still smiling.' Please tell me they haven't stolen your smile, Dimples?" He asked, sitting on the side of the bed and studying my face. I dropped my eyes, lowered my chin, and smiled. "There it is, doll! See they didn't win. And neither will your father." He placed one hand on my chin and gently lifted it so I could look him in the eyes. I smiled when I noticed he wasn't on the verge of crying any more, but I could still see the heavily laced guilt in them. "Annette, I'm glad you're okay, back home, awake, and that your kidnappers are behind bars. You are strong, and you only have to be for yourself. That much is true. It shows. You deserve respect. You have the purest heart I've ever seen. One day, I hope you find that guy that will treat you like the queen you are. I understand now why you were always so guarded about your home life. I'm sorry you had to live through that. Life keeps knocking you down, but you keep standing tall and never letting the world see. You don't have to convince anyone that you are okay, especially me. I understand that you've done nothing but show the world that you are just that. Right now, I see you. I think it's admirable for anyone to show vulnerability and I know it takes great strength. Don't put another mask on. Be real. Be you. I know it's asking a lot, but if you don't have anyone you can just be you around, let me be your fallback. I'm your friend and want the best for you. Please don't hold your emotions back for my sake. If you need to cry, then cry. You can even use me as a screaming or punching bag if you want. I'm here for you, doll. I won't go anywhere and I don't think you are any less of a person because of your secrets. We all have them. You need a friend you can always count on and I'm here," he sincerely offered. I gave him a curt nod and shifted.

"Thank you," I whispered sincerely. I didn't know if I could take him up on his offer though; it was asking too much of him. He gave me a broad smile as he removed his hand from my chin and I immediately looked down. I smiled and picked up the bag of m&ms. "How'd you know I needed chocolate? Did you clear it with the wardens out there?" I grinned at him. He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. He picked up the rose.  

"No. But I promised your brother I'd look after you until he got back. And he told me that you have to cough to avoid getting pneumonia. So if you cough for me, I'll give you a little bit of chocolate," he bargained as he took the rose out of the plastic it was wrapped in, walked over to my table of gifts, and placed in the vase of pink roses. He looked at me, grabbed some of the baby's breath that came with the rose, smiled, walked back over to me, placed the baby's breath behind my ear, and then took the chocolate out of my hands. I scowled.  

"This is not a very good deal on my end," I pouted.  

"I know, doll. You love to be active, and if you do catch pneumonia, you'll be bedridden for a long time. It's better for the long run, doll," he said gently as he helped me sit up, pulling on my right arm and making my head rest in his hand. When I was steady, I grabbed the pillow from behind my back, hugged it to my chest, and leaned forward. He rested one hand on my thigh while the other moved to my back for extra support. Unfortunately, he was resting directly on a welt and suddenly I felt as if my back was wet.  

"Ah! Is it weeping?" I asked.  

"What?" He asked confused. 

"Pick up your hand! Is it a weeping welt? The pain is much more intense," I whimpered. He removed his hand from my back. 

"Doll, I don't see any blood. I'll go get the nurse so she can look under your shirt since it is not an open back," he replied. I shook my head and coughed. This time, I couldn't stop on a whim and coughed for a good two minutes and managed to produce a little phlegm. I took a tissue to deposit the nasty stuff from my mouth. Mrs. Malloy walked in as I was doing that. She immediately put on her gloves, and helped me lean back on the bed.  

"Oh perfect, hun! Good work. Can I see that? Clear. Good sign," she chirped as she threw my tissue and her gloves away. "Just checking your meds. I'm about to get off for the night. Do you need anything, Annette?"  

"Can I have french toast?" I tried. She grinned and shook her finger at me. 

"No, ma'am. First day is a liquid diet. Maybe tomorrow. I see those m&ms though. You can have a few. You deserve a little reward. Now how's the mobility? You, open that curtain and close the door. She needs a little bit of privacy," she instructed Pat. He nodded and expanded the curtain on my right. It blocked the view of the door. I heard Pat shuffle away and close the door. Under the curtain, I could see the door, but Pat's feet were not visible. I took several deep breaths, trying to calm down. I focused my attention on Mrs. Malloy. She moved the tissue box to the table beside me and I grabbed the cell phone. She rolled down my blanket and began doing her check up; squeezing down my left leg, poking certain areas softly, taking note of the bruise sizes, and checking reflexes. 

"Better, Mrs. Malloy. Thank you. I can mostly bend and twist on my own, but having assistance sitting up and laying back down is welcome. My right arm seems to have full extension. Breathing hurts. My left arm is tingling. I haven't tried to move my feet yet," I admitted. She nodded. 

"Try now," she encouraged. I started with my left foot, lifting it up and out. Then I wiggled my toes, stretched the foot, rolled the leg back and forth, and bent my knee before lowering it to the bed again. 

"Everything feels fairly normal. Just stiff," I confessed. "Trying the right leg now." I again started with my toes. Nothing. My brace went from the bottom of my knee to my heel. Since it wasn't firm around my foot, I tried to move my ankle or point my foot. Nothing. I wasn't going to try moving my lower leg while it was stuck in a sling, so I opted to bend my knee. Success! Then I tried to sway my hip. It was painful but I could do it. "Knee and above feels fine, sluggish but fine. I can't do anything with my foot. Is that bad?"  

"Close your eyes. I'm going to touch your toes with my pen. First, let me know if you feel anything, if so which toe," Mrs. Malloy instructed. I obeyed and closed my eyes. "Anything?" She asked. I shook my head. "Now?" Again I shook my head. "Okay, Annette open your eyes. You still haven't regained feeling in your foot, but your toes do move when I slide the pen down your foot. I'm scheduling a CT scan. We're going to look for clots. Everything else is looking relatively normal. I'm just going to empty your catheter bag and I'll get out of your hair. Okay. Done," she insisted as she washed her hands. I nodded.   

"Thank you. Before you go, could you look at my back, please? Pat touched one of my welts and it hurt bad then my back felt wet," I explained as I begged for help; I hated being in this position. She nodded and helped me unbutton the shoulders so she could slide the shirt down.  

"I'm sorry, my hands are cold. No broken skin. Lots of colors, but nothing weird considering your injuries." I nodded in relief. She replaced my shirt and leaned me back as she covered me back up with the blanket. 

"I have another question. The lab tech said my medicine tubes were behind and under the bed. If I move around, will I kink them or pull the needle out of my arm or something?" Janell laughed. 

"Not at all. Your saline and morphine bags are attached to your bed above your right shoulder. The cords that have to go under the bed to attach to these machines have a groove under the bed they rest in. You have plenty of slack and won't be hurting yourself. I'll send your friend back in and order your labs. Remember, don't let anyone draw your blood. We'll take care of that tomorrow." She looked at me tenderly and looked like she wanted to say something. Quickly she changed her mind and began to clean up the area and handed me back the tissue box.  

"Mrs. Malloy, what are you fighting internally to say?" I asked, putting the phone down beside the box.  

"Oh, hun. It's nothing. You're still leaking," she said quietly taking a tissue out and dabbing my eyes. I could tell she was lying and avoiding the question, but I didn't press the matter. She patted my left leg tenderly pressed her lips together and blurted out, "I'm sorry you went through this, and I'm sorry if this comes out as selfish and inconsiderate. But I'm happy you saved Lauren from experiencing this pain." I smiled sweetly at her.  

"I'd do it a hundred times over," I replied honestly. She smiled at me.

"Just heal up. I'd love to see you back on the basketball court soon. You can play in a special boot if you heal correctly," she remarked as she pulled the curtain back.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied. She gave me a curt nod and propped the door open before she left with a small smile. Basketball?! HA! I wouldn't be playing any sports this year, but the thought didn't bother me. "Good thing Noah said no sports. Stick to the books, that was my plan," I thought as Pat came back in with the m&ms opened and a cheeky grin. "Hey! I thought those were for me," I joked. He grinned, stuck a couple in his mouth, and walked over to pour a few in my hand. I happily plopped them into my mouth.  

"Hey, doll, what sparkles like fresh snow, is as sweet as chocolate, is as strong as an ox, and is as stubborn as an a*s?" He asked, a hint of mischief danced in his eyes as he popped some more m&ms into his mouth. I shot him a sour look.  

"Hey! Those are mine!" I repeated. He laughed. "They were a gift from a good friend. You know it's rude to take other people's gifts." I tried to hit him playfully in the arm, but he dodged it. "Okay, so riddle of the day and I didn't even ask! Are you trying to earn brownie points?" I asked as I thought about his riddle. He smiled at me but shook his head. I nodded and looked at my lap. After several seconds of silence, he shook the bag of m&ms again so I would look at him. "I don't know. What sparkles like snow, is sweet like chocolate and... sorry. I forgot the other two. Some sort of animal?"  

He came in close, pushed my hair over my shoulder, traced my arm with his fingers -causing me to shiver- and whispered in my ear, "you, doll." I moved my head back and looked him in the eyes with a puzzled look. He sat down in the chair and explained, "you sparkle and shine wherever you go. I know that's all because you have a bright personality and it just comes naturally to you; its never forced which I think is impressive. The snow glistens in the sunlight, and you're pale like snow; so that was an easy comparison. You are sweet like chocolate and never bitter, even when you have every right to. Like now, you should be mad and glum about your situation, but you sit here with a smile on your face. I can see the pain behind the eyes, but you aren't acknowledging it even though tears still trickle down your cheek." He paused long enough to sit forward and wipe the tears from my eyes. "The same reasons make you strong like an ox. An ox can be beaten and whipped, but it will still plow the field. You always press on. Your dad is already telling people you're dead, but you are acting like everything's fine. You're as stubborn as an a*s; should be pretty self explanatory." He grinned.

"I'm hurt," I feigned offence, pouting. He chuckled. "I'm not stubborn, and I look and act nothing like a donkey," I insisted sticking my tongue at him before laughing. I winced and held my chest. He looked at me sympathetically and offered me more m&ms. I set out a clean tissue in my lap before I stuck out my hand.

"No! Not stubborn at all," he agreed sarcastically as he poured a handful of the bite sized candy in my hand. I placed the chocolates on the tissue and ate them one at time. "No stubborn person would think she needed a sweatshirt when she was in danger on a 118º day. I figured you didn't have any clothes with you, so if you were up for it, my plan was to run back to my house quickly and let you pick out a few things of mine to wear. Or you could have rummaged through my mom's closest, but everything there needed to be washed first. If that plan would have made you feel uncomfortable, we would've gone shopping. I had no intention of making you feel out of place or uneasy; I just wanted to keep you safe. I was an idiot. I said and did nothing to insure your safety. I'm truly sorry, but I'm glad you're back. In all seriousness though, how are you really doing, doll?" 

"Sore. Stiff. Fine. Truly. Besides, can you think of a better way to add a pop of color to your everyday wardrobe?" I asked as I put another m&m in my mouth and gestured to my multicolored skin.  

"Annette," Pat warned, his eyes full of concern. "Please don't shut me out. Please don't joke your way out of this. Please. Tell me exactly what is on your mind, doll." I sighed and drooped my shoulders, wincing in pain as I instinctively moved to rub my left shoulder; I barely touched it and almost doubled over. 

"I didn't lie," I told him meeting his eyes as I sat up tall and dropped my hand to my lap; I refused to let people see me as weak. "I am okay. Yes. I'm sore and stiff, but really I'm fine. I'll face each problem -one at a time- after I get out of the hospital. As of right now, I have no plan whatsoever. I need to talk to Noah see if I can crash with him or something, but he's got a wife -er um girlfriend- and baby to care for; I'll just be in the way. He said something about finding a place, but it doesn't sound like they have and will most likely be hotel hopping. Tyler seems protective of me too, and while he's a new brother, I don't know him very well and part of me doesn't want to be left alone with him; it's a small part, but I know it's there. Somehow I have to pick up my paycheck and tips; they're all I have and I'm going to have to live on a budget. Thank you for having Linda hold onto them for me, by the way. Then I need to find another job, one I can do sitting down and with only one hand. Not to mention school, but I don't even think I'll be able to go to school when it starts at the end of the month. I feel uncoordinated on my best day. Can you imagine me in a wheelchair or worse, with crutches? It terrifies me," I confessed, looking down at the m&ms in my lap. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it lightly. I looked up again and met his eye. 

"Before I answer that, I'll ask out of respect. If the idea of being alone with a guy makes you uneasy, do you feel uncomfortable being alone with me?" He didn't blink as he held my gaze. My jaw dropped in shock and I shook my head. How could he think that?! He was one of the few guys I liked talking to and didn't feel intimidated by. He chuckled softly and pressed on my chin so my mouth closed. "Annette, if you feel uncomfortable right now, I'll leave."

"No! That's not what I meant. I trust Tyler; I have to. He helped save me, but I don't know him. He seems like we would get along great and protective and brotherly. It's always been Noah and me against the world. I like the idea of having another brother look out for me, but it's such a foreign concept; it'll take some getting used to. That being said, I like having a friend around that I can trust and that I have gotten to know. It would be nice to actually talk to you without having to run off to deliver food or clean up a mess. Although, staying on topic is new with you. I haven't had a good conversation or a friend to make me smile or anything like that in over a week. So no, I'm not uncomfortable with you here. In fact, I'm glad I'm not alone right now," I clarified. Pat grinned.

"Thank you, doll. So back to crutches and wheelchairs. They terrify you, right?" He asked and I nodded. "I never would have guessed that you're frightened by something designed to help you. You're going to do amazing things. I know it. You never showed any signs of being uncoordinated; I always thought you carried yourself with such grace and precision. Now, if I understood the nurses correctly, they'll let you out soon, but it could take up to two weeks, correct?" He asked. Again, I nodded. "So until you figure out your plan, would you be opposed to staying with me at my house? I have plenty of room and you wouldn't be alone. I have the time to help you, I just don't want you to feel like you're optionless." I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, wincing in pain. He squeezed my hand again for comfort.

I grinned slightly and answered softly, "I don't know. I'd hate to impose and be a burden. I have some time to figure it out I guess." 

"Doll, you wouldn't be a burden. You can't do this on your own. It's normal to let someone help you; I still want you to be safe. I know your options are limited, but my home is available if you're comfortable with that. I just don't want your dad to win some how. Mull it over. Just let me know, okay? Your whole restaurant family has your back. You're not alone, doll," Pat remarked. I squeezed his hand and smiled. 

"I know. Thank you," I replied sincerely. He smiled and this time, I could see it in his eyes too. He picked up an m&m from my lap and tossed it at my face chuckling. It bounced off my nose and fell to the ground. "Hey! No need to waste good chocolate!" I laughed. Quickly I picked up the rest of the m&ms and stuffed them in my mouth, chewing with smirk. 

"We wouldn't be wasting them if you caught it," he teased a huge grin on his face as he walked around my bed and picked up the orange candy off the floor and threw it away. "Better?" He asked as he sat down. I swallowed the chocolate, nodded, and smiled. We both laughed, and I winced in pain again and crossed my arm over my chest. Pat immediately stopped laughing and very seriously said, "stop hurting yourself, doll. Here take a drink of water and relax for a moment." I saluted him sarcastically and took the water out of his hand. Another nurse walked through the door as I handed him back the water.  

"Alright, miss, time for your CT scan. Son, we'll be back in a moment. I'm sorry, sweetie, the phone has to stay," she voiced as she placed my phone and tissue box on the table and began to wheel me out the door. 

"Pat! Sorry, ma'am. Just give me a sec. Thank you. Pat, will you be here when I come back? Please?!" I asked with a hint of panic in my voice. He made me feel safe and for some reason, it terrified me to be alone in this room. 

"Of course, doll. I told your brother I'd be here until he got back. I'll make sure I say good-bye before I leave, and that you hear me say it," he promised with a smile. I leaned back into my pillow and returned the smile. 

The nurse wheeled me to the elevator and we went down four floors to radiology. The technician helped move me onto the moving part that went into the machine. They unhooked my leg support from the bed and just had me keep my foot elevated on a pillow. "Scan everything, not just the leg," the nurse instructed. "We don't want to miss anything. Annette, lay still. please. We'll try to be quick. You're welcome to close your eyes." I nodded and closed my eyes. This room was cold, and before long, I was shivering. I opened my eyes and kept searching the room, waiting for that shrill beeping to happen or someone to walk in and hurt me. "Almost done, Annette. Keep still. Relax." I nodded and bit my lip. This wasn't the complex, it was the hospital and I was safe. I repeated it several times and tired to even out my breathing. After a while, the nurse came out again with a marker. She quickly unwrapped my leg and drew on my body while she talked. "You're going straight to surgery. Two clots in your arm, three in your leg; two are close together and if they join, they will cause multiple problems. We have to get them all out before they travel to your heart. It's a good thing that we haven't put a permanent cast on your leg yet. The brace comes off easier, and your leg is swollen, probably the reason why you have clots forming."

I nodded and whispered, "my friends? They need to know." She took off my arm sling and unbuttoned the left shoulder. One mark was made directly on the joint, another just below my elbow.  

"I'll run up there as soon as we get you to the OR. Those markings will tell the surgeon where to look. Keep fighting, sweetie. You've made it this far. You can beat the odds," she said as I was wheeled into another room. "The anesthesiologist will be here shortly. I'll see you when you wake up." I nodded and shivered again. She covered me with a warm blanket. "You have lots of people in your corner that care deeply about you," she whispered as she handed me the baby's breath from behind my ear and left. I studied the delicate, small white flower as tears trekked down my cheeks. Would I ever be done fighting? Could I still find the joy? Was there any joy left for me? I sobbed silently. Two minutes later, the nurse and anesthesiologist came in and they immediately gave me a look of pity. The anesthesiologist quickly administered the knockout drug sequence after a quick glance at the nurse. I'm sure they felt they were giving me an escape from the pain since neither said anything to me. I had to be put out, but I'm sure it was a necessity before I became hysterical. I welcomed the drugged sleep as I looked at the baby's breath one more time and closed my eyes.