Mental Rant.

The candle light is dim and fading,

I feel like I lost my friends.

I don’t want to feel depressed again.

My life feels like it’s going nowhere.

I can’t carry a conversation anymore,

My laughter doesn’t come out like it used to.

As much as i explain to the ones I love how I feel,

They’ll never know what’s real.

The more I find answers,

The more I want to sleep

That’s the only time my thoughts won’t begin to creep.

It feels like every day the knot in my throat gets tighter and tighter,

So I ease the tension with my lighter,

Enjoy the burning in my lungs,

There goes my mind..

Up, up, and above.

My smiles real,

I dare not fake it.

Why can’t anyone see it then,

I just can’t take it.

I’ve learned to mute my feelings of darkness to when I’m alone

Only because it gets darker when I’m home.

I gave up on explaining to people about the situation under my roof,

I just hear the same old reaction to every person..nothing new.

“You need to get out”

“You need to leave”

I need to make it history,

But it’s so so scary.

Stop telling me how bad it is,

I’m the one living with it.

I’m the only one who can talk s**t.

My choices are made only by me and my mind,

What other people are saying is just wasting my time.

There’s a method to my madness,

I swear one day, someday

People will understand this.

I learn from my mistakes

No matter how many falls it takes.

But tell me something..

How would you last always wanting the little things.

People wish for loads of money and fancy cars,

When I wish for the courage to run somewhere far.

I don’t give a f**k for money,

Or for power,

A taste of it will leave you feeling sour

Author's Note

A couple years old, definitely progressed in my writing since. But heartfelt.