Eyes Wide Open

A story of a prostitute who found love

 

 

Entrapped with this life,she’d created.

Accepting, fate had her pinned as doomed.

Dreams once dreamed, eternally faded.

Her heart protected, tightly cocooned.

 

On love, devoted her every desire.

Her love freely given,never returned.

Her eyes now sealed shut,by soul’s hot fire.

Unseen fate, will soon have the tables turned.

 

Passion for money,with a very stiff price.

Taunted by daylightand trapped by the night.

Discontent, no pleasure by everything nice.

A proposition, she should’ve thought twice!

 

A change was, slowly growing within her.

A new life, cradling destiny inside.

As if pure fate, birthed the perfect cure.

Waves of emotion,flow like the rising tide.

 

Her eyes now wide open,of what she must do.

This life she’d been living, now left behind.

A surge of devotion,to try something new!

She was no longer numb and no longer blind.

 

While holding her daughter,so precious and small.

A promise was made,true till the end of time.

"My heart I saved, now to you I give it all.

My life, my devotion,with my eyes wide open!"

 

 

Reviews

[cynthiabuhainbaello]

Emotional transition of the character from darkness to light and then the resolution to stand, for the sake of a young life. The poem relates it in very strong and profound words, a poetic metamorphosis that ends with perceived triumph over flaws. Great theme, impact and composition.

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

Thank you for seeing exactly what my point of the poem was! Thank you!

[Tunder]

I really liked the format of this poem! And the music fit it very perfectly. I'm very sorry it has taken me so long to read your read requests!

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

No worries, I had to turn mine off for a month just to get caught up...already up to 156 in a week!

[L. Edward Neale]

Beautiful muse of devotion. Fantastic write. The strength and wisdom that arises frorm the sacrifice of parenthood. Indeed! Keenly felt here.

[Eve]

plesure is missing the "A" , and this is a song sung by thousands of single parents, so many will be able to relate to the overwhelming reality of having to face the world alone with babes, I did and that is some very scary business, but those little faces keep you moving and striving, so well done Melody!

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

Thank you so much! And yes I corrected the error ;)

[Eve]

my pleasure Mel

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

;)

[外人 (Gaiji..]

Interesting, original, good metrica and sound and very good storytelling skills, I felt like a medieval jongleur was telling this story to a king's court :)

[Just Listen]

Very passionate. Great poem.

[JanieB]

Very emotional piece. You have dug deep into her soul. The music depicts mystery.

[Brittany]

I always enjoy your visual/audio presentations. This was an interesting subject. It seemed that you were trying to create a rhyme scheme, but I'm not sure it worked all the way through. I liked that she was dynamic and willing to grow and change for the sake of her child. Well done.

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

I did not go for any type of rhyme scheme...I just learned how to do that;)

[Brittany]

No way! lol. This has an ABAB scheme, mostly.
created - faded
doomed - cocooned

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

I didn't know that at the time I wrote this. Tate Morgan Has just started teaching me Rhyme, Meter and such. Before that I just wrote from my heart.

[Brittany]

You're a poet and didn't know it! lol. I've always enjoyed your free verse.

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

thank you so kindly

[Sean]

I liked the flow, it was very smooth and somewhat hypnotic. I liked the story. It was very emotional. I liked the way you packaged certain paragraphs, such as:

'Passion for money,with a very stiff price.

Taunted by daylightand trapped by the night.

Discontent, no plesure by everything nice.'

A proposition, she should’ve thought twice!

Well put!

[Sir Joe]

Nicely-written. (=
The transition of the poetic persona's character made a great impact on me. The ending overpowered the negativity in the first stanzas. I felt the emotions you've poured into this wonderful poem. However, my eyes caught something. I thought it might help if you enclose the last two lines in parentheses so that it won't appear as a shift of point of view (from third person to first person). The consistency in the point of view used will be followed if you do what I suggest. (=
Nice poem again, Melody.

[caroline]

I like this. I especially like the character leaving on life for another that is more positive. I can feel the distress of the old life.