RAW

Raw

Eluded, our mind’s become, while we lick our wounds of past regrets, replaying painful scenes of misery over and over again, until we successfully relive it, one more time, finding a sick sense of comfort in it. Comfort in a false illusion that we are, what they made us, because of their cruelty and unthinkable ways, we are trapped inside what we are today, unable to break free from wounds that are unable to heal, wounds fresh and raw still. Raw from our constant unthinkable act of tearing back the new flesh trying so hard to rebuild upon a constant oozing wound made fresh again, over and over again, by no other than oneself, trapped in an eluded thought, wounded, raw unable to heal! Raw by choice, raw by our twisted ways!

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Manda]

This piece was very emotional and that is obvious in it's vocabulary. But I feel the subject of the poetry does not necessitate run-on sentences. It feels like it needs audible breaks that are not conveyed well with the punctuation. Try splitting up these sentences into lines, making it easier to read and still maintaining that strong sense of emotion.

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

first attempt at a prose. I will work on it. Thank you;)

[Raven Starhawk]

The very way this is composed reminds me of something beloved and classic. Those words make sense to me. I may not make sense some times and I apologize for that.

[Yheela]

And yet we often choose the hurt, time and time again.

[Poison Ivy]

wow! chilled me to the bone!

[lee von cleef]

To have our minds caught in a loop, our life caught in a loop, get up and make the donuts,
when you get to the top of the slide you stop and turn and go for a ride, Helter-skelter ,
White album.Tough thing to keep free choice.easy thing to lose "self". your light is too bright in my eyes, no cover, no shade, dripping choice pooling on the tile.

[Laura Maidah]

Why are you inverting your phrases? Your turn of words is strange in how wrong it is.

[Geraldine]

Very emotive. Very well done. ^^

[Steven Cash]

I thought it was, pardon the pun, 'RAW'. Very real, raw emotion.

:)

[Kuhr Gred]

wow... fantastic... feel like in RAW... keep it up :)
- Kuhr Gred

[Icarus]

For me this is a reminder of how our minds/egos do tend to torture us reliving thoughts and playing back scenarios that have never even happened. I think you have done a wonderful job with this and the image is perfect for conveying how trapped we can be. Well done Kimberly.

[gombeggar]

well said...you emote a lot of pain and for that i am sorry for ya, girl

[Kimberly "Melody" Carney]

I do not write how I feel all the time. I write what makes others think

[gombeggar]

it's good either way...just write, girl