California Nightmares From Concentrate

Home invasions are real. The victims involved aren't able to speak up, therefore I must do it for them...

Oh how that sound intertwines as one with my ears. It has nearly been four years since her voice has placed me in a heavenly state. This spontaneous conversation we have just partaken in, only allowed the good times we did share to feel as if they were rented. Over powered by sad memories, new nightmares. In our past it was far from a dream, hell was a reality. So can you blame me if I bailed? No love is worth a wounded sermon given by a man hand chosen out the churches catalog, causing momma not to rest late night in peace.

 

Despite this harsh truth I found it hard to let go. While I cried within, my bride to be cried out. Reminding me that only the strong survive and the weak die off. So now our glass is filled with oil and water, that if it could change things I would be willing to drink.

 

I can recall those dark nights when I had the mindset to reset. Then I could forget her and forgive myself. I would not have needed the pleasures of counterfeit pharmaceuticals to ease the pain and forget the horrors that has sunken waist deep into my conscience crevices. Could you imagine watching an angel fly wildly in cage covered in flames, without the ability to set her free?

 

My love had a 23 year old sister, whom frequently fell victim vagina first into the arms of a predator that played daddy voluntarily. How dare that "Golden State" b*****d do her that way! She was still in a toddler state of mind. Using recess and coloring books way beyond any young child years. 

 

Their mother wanted to protect them all from their world of ills. Unfortunately her attempt failed. Mr. Golden State had taken complete control. Turning their household into Vegas on a Friday night. Transforming the women into human slot machines. Ready for any stranger with the right bid use.

 

Never would I have thought something as simply complicated as a Love life could have the ability to turn me into a man. I was cornered. Either my life or the one I rather spend the rest of life with. So I picked my poison wisely.

 

I wish there was a coin to flip in the air, followed by a prayer that God catches it. Then it would never come down, and all that is caught up in this deadly cobweb will be debt free.

 

Surely she hates me for this decision. All I wanted to do was breath, a privilege that was taken away from her older sister by Mr. Golden State.

 

He allowed everyone else in the family to live. Preferring them die slowly inside. He kidnapped who my love truly was before making his abrupt exit. I can never make him give her back. So now you have it. This conversation I have just had was not with the girl that was once mines, but with the girl who now has permanent scabs covering her heart and devoured mind.

At least I can say she's the prettiest zombie I have ever seen...wait, before I sign off, I want to share with you all what she was too entrapped to share with me.

Dear Journal 

 

I can't recall the last time I witnessed the moon and the sun trade places. I woke up this morning feeling numb from the waist down. So I'm guessing he popped the cherries that hung from my tree of forbidden fruit. Therefore I will pop these pills to become numb from the waist up. I don't want to feel the pain any longer. I'm not shackled, but I can't even go just centimeters away. My mind will not allow me! Somebody save me please!! Well I hear him coming...I got to go...

 

Sincerely: The slave to a California nightmare....