This Little Word (2nd version)

- Because I just can't help making a short story long!

This little word so ardently adored,

Eloquence and passion lavishly explored;
Through poets’ titillating declarations
And lovers’ heartfelt conversations
By yearning hearts that so implore
This little word, that makes heavy hearts soar.

 

This little word so ardently adored

Beauty embodied and poise galore;
Through painters’ rich imagination
And actors’ vivid animations
By broken hearts that so implore
This little word to heart and soul restore.

 

This little word so ardently adored
A notion by man that cannot be ignored
Despite its rich and heavy history
Yet it’s hidden in a veil of mystery
This little word, whatever its allure
Use with caution for meaning to endure.

february 2015

Author's Note

Art by Ditte Løfgren
Ditteloefgren.com

a variation from the original...

Criticism and suggestions are well received

Reviews

[ANTO]

Both have their merits (Im aware one is encapsulated with the other)
The shorter version, the original actually is a concentrate with a little more bite than the elongated version it leaves a longer lasting impression I feel but then again I do have a shorter-the-better bias.

I think 'Despite" in the 3rd stanza should be replaced with something like 'Given' because it seems to contradict the previous line - purely semantics
I think the word 'the' would soften the final line = '...for the meaning to endure'.

and now y'see, Im moving between the two as to which I prefer - the 2nd version has some excellent imagery that isnt explored to the same extent in the original - I especially liked inclusion of the reference to actors role in propagating the notion of the 'little word'.

I enjoyed this comparison - thanks Mai
:)

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for taking the time, Anto! I will take a look at 'Despite'...

I like first version because it is short - suits the idea of 'a little word'...
Though, the second version I like due to the imagery and silly little things - but I end up explaining to death... in additional to this dilemma, I am ridiculously bad at choosing between things... Haha, I will just have to pony up!

[ANTO]

Hah - Im sorry I share that indecisiveness - I resort to on online virtual coin toss (seriously lol) - you can have it too - you can choose from many currencies even lol
https://www.random.org/coins/

[Mai L Nissen]

Haha - well, I just cheated using that webpage :)

[ANTO]

oooh tell me how - ha ha ha :)
let me guess - two headed coin ? ;p

[Mai L Nissen]

No, I just kept doing it getting different results every time... So I am still undecided :) Well, I will just have to make up my mind on my own...

[ANTO]

lol - I take it back - you are the arch-angel of indecisiveness xD

[Mai L Nissen]

Yeah, that sounds about right! :)

[hanir]

I like the flow in this piece. Nicely written. You are definitely gifted!

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for your kind words, Hanir! Much appreciated :)

[hanir]

You're welcome. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing. 🌞

[gorillarock]

Poetic Duet version 2.0! Love... I just love it! You'll break my keyboard with praise if you keep this up lol i have a conflict though, you use the word of mystery within the poem itself! i think you could maintain a higher level of mysterious allure if you used words like "and sweet heartfelt conversation" or something that just isn't "love".... i actually spent more time than i should have trying to think of a bad example, so maybe even just scratch that! lol your poetry is wonderful, ad word selection is superb! someone publish this work and make this woman a fortune! (with consent of course)

Thank you for these two sweet moments in time :D

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for your wonderful review, Kyle! I am glad you liked it :)
I see your point and I will see if I can come up with something...

Haha... I like that you added 'with consent of course' :)

[gorillarock]

;) don't want to encourage a lawsuit! good luck finding another word, i really don't know if it can be done... but if anyone can do it, it's you!