Loving You

This is an old poem about past relationship with an alcoholic....

You push, you pull
You puppeteer me
I feel. I am sorry
For failing you

You shout, you yell
You accuse, you abuse
I hurt. I am sorry
I am failing

You cut, you punish
You break me down
I bleed. I am sorry
For failing us both

You push, you hurt,
You drink, you threaten
I retract. I am sorry
It’s pointless to interact

You lie, you hate
You drink, you threaten
I am cold. I’m not sorry
I don’t feel a thing

Mai L. Nissen, 2011

Author's Note

Art by Ditte Løfgren (Digitally altered for this purpose: Negative Mode)
ditteloefgren.com

Criticism and suggestions are well received!

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A hard journey in the poetry.
"You lie, you hate
You drink, you threaten
I am cold. I’m not sorry
I don’t feel a thing"
After a time of abuse and sadness. There is nothing left. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry dear Poet.
Coyote

[Mai L Nissen]

- Thank you for reading and commenting! I am glad you liked it :)
Mai

[Coyote Poetry]

I did and you are welcome.

[James O'Rourke]

Wow, totally know where you're coming from with this one. Had a relationship with an alcoholic myself. Then became an alcoholic afterwards. So both sides of this coin are visible as far as I'm concerned. That's some tough crap to deal with.

Thanks for sharing something I'm sure wasn't easy to lay open to all.

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, James! Though, I am sorry that you can relate...

I try to be as honest as possible, when I write :) In the beginning it was quite difficult to put the personal things out there - however, now it is just really therapeutic! A way to stand by your past without too much shame... That way it seems easier for me to imagine a future :)

[J. K. Beach]

We all have our problems, but it is so hard to live with someone who has a problem as large as alcoholism without having it beat us down and make us feel sorry even when it isn't our fault. It takes a certain kind of guts to hang on and face it day in and day out... but an even greater kind of guts to know when to cut our losses and move on. I'm sure this was a difficult time for you, but you made it out and I hope that has made all the difference. I like the subtle structure that the 3rd line of each stanza gives the piece... and I love that you used puppeteer as a verb. It might have taken many more words to explain the same thought otherwise. A fine job, Mai!

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for sharing your insights, Jeff! This is probably one of the few poems were I don't describe to death :) Well, it wasn't because of brilliance that I chose to use 'puppeteer' as a verb, I simply couldn't find a better alternative.. haha..

[J. K. Beach]

Shhh! We mustn't share all our writing secrets... :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

being pushed into that apathetic state...
there is such loss of both self and of the other---

when that person makes us lose ourselves...we have to find us again, and often that means shedding the other's skin...and getting back to our own.

[gorillarock]

"...and often that means shedding the other's skin...and getting back to our own."

profound statement

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate it! I completely agree...
- with both of you :)