Only You Know Me

Description of how I experienced depression from age 16-18. I have noticed there are young people in here, who suffer from depression! I hope this will make them feel less alone.

My eyes hurt,
from the sharp light of day.
My skin is burning slowly
from the kisses of the sun.
Patiently I wait for nightfall.
Longing for the cover of dark;
You surround my body ,
You protect me from burn,
Your gravity pulls me in,
we become one.
You always come back
- a faithful companion.

The curtain of night withdraws,
And you leave me naked;
Unprotected from burn,
I walk as a shadow
among the living.
Despite my opaque veil
everyone sees me.
In hesitant, discomfort,
exposed I wander in the light.
The light that pierces my eyes
The light that burns my skin
A spotlight purposed to scrutinize,
to reveal every past and future sin.

A Vile and wretched,
blunt manifestation.
I walk in all my repulsive glory
longing for nightfall;
To be devoured by your love.
Safely you swallow me;
Where I begin and you end,
I do not know.
To be loved by you,
to be part of you;
I can never let you go
- Only you know me

Mai L. Nissen, 2012

Author's Note

Art by Ditte Løfgren
http://ditteloefgren.com

I welcome any constructive criticism and suggestions

Reviews

[Katethepoet]

I think this is a beautiful personification of depression. Often depression has a lot of stima attached to it but it can kind of be like a companion of sorts to people have it. The images were perfect. It nicely described hoe engulfing depression can be. Very nice poem. I would really appreciate it if you could offer me any feedback on my poem. "An Ode to Dissociation :She"

[Mai L Nissen]

Yes, there is a lot of stigma attached to depression. It is not until recently that research has verified what happens to the body when suffering from depression - at least not in Denmark. e.g. I have trouble with my memory, concentration, comprehension and speech. A year ago it was really bad, I could barely communicate. Though everything still works slowly, It is nice to be able to say at least something of meaning now and again.

I would love to take a look at your poem :)

[marilyn 1225]

THIS poem is so good . I like it because of the night time love overshadowing the daytime life . gloom and also passionate love great job.

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! :)

[nazia]

the pain is so excruciating, i can feel it flowing through the poem to me.. great writing.. i hope you are past all that now. God bless u

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I am glad you like it :) This is a poem describing my experience of depression from 16-18 years old, long time ago :)

[K.W.F]

You are truly a beautiful writer.

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for taking the time! Glad you liked it :)

[ANTO]

Oh how we love the night and the anonymity it affords us - and even better when its cold too - we can wrap ourselves up in all sorts of extra layers and hats and scarves that disguise us and allow us to venture out when depression strikes - if we can get out of bed
If we MUST go out we want to be incognito - shadows - nowhere people (like The Beatles' Nowhere Man).
because, of course, everyone can see everything about us and know everything about us and, Heaven Forbid we talk to someone, sure they will know right away our entire life story with the first word out of our mouths.
Our own private Hell on Earth.
Very well written Mai and the end line - personifying the night/ the dark gives me chills.

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for taking the time to read it and sharing your thoughts! I am glad that I could give you the chills :) haha

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful poem. I liked how you described the places and the struggle. I do believe we must want help to be healed. Thank you Mai for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for taking the time! Yes, you do have to want help to be healed - if you do not commit to it, it does not matter what people around you do. Unfortunately, many suffering from depression and anxiety are not given the right support and help. Today I live a good and full life, though still affected by depression in terms of cognitive functionalities...- but when I was younger I was in a place I was more dead than alive... :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I'm glad you are doing better. Hard for kids. Must decide a lot in the late teen years. Can be scary.

[J. K. Beach]

Mai, this is hauntingly lovely! You carefully tease the reader into thinking that your friend is one thing while he is actually another. When finally revealed... the identity of your "friend" seems obvious, but delightfully so. We often cling to our dark friend... life is not safe... he is. We long to be down under the covers where no one will find us. There, even our fears are like old chums. Often as not, we are just tricking ourselves, but the truth of the comfort of our darkness cannot be denied. You have expressed this well... great job!

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for taking the time to read it and sharing your thoughts! Yes, unfortunately for some people the darkness is difficult to let go... and when the light burns, they immediately retract, instead of giving it time to become familiar and thereby comfortable in more healthy relations and ways of living.