I Smile...

Thinking I was suppose to be perfect, scared to fail when I was younger. The feeling of not measuring up revisited me recently, which has resulted in this poem.

Silence embraces my body cold.
Fears, memories in my heart take hold.
My bones shiver violently,
my heart fights defiantly
to shake this feeling, so out of control,
that threatens to overtake me whole;
Devours me relentlessly!
Feeding on me endlessly!

I do not move, blink or resist;
A willing victim, politely I enlist.
Too scared and weak to oppose,
the constant pressure, that steadily grows,
to conform and smile a pretty little smile;
Numbing all feelings not meant to beguile;
To be picture perfect without a flaw;
Uncomplicated, loveliest daughter you ever saw.

I smile and perform, I laugh as I present
a show of humbleness and visible assent.
My act carried out with applaud and brilliance.
My skin is thick and my heart resilient;
I close up all that I am, to sincerely aspire
to the wishes that family and friends desire.
Carefully moving through every step,
for a minute I FEEL and don’t know where to tread.

As I miss a step, confusion and uneasiness
spread through the audience ending in distress;
By doubt and confusion, my steps are inspired;
Unknown dreams my body wishes to enquire,
passionate anger and suppressed desires;
I relinquish this act finally to expire.

Everyone frightened as the stage turn on fire;
Everything they hoped lies dead on a pyre.
The stage burned down, the act destroyed;
All my steps, that I so diligently employed,
gone in a second; I dance through the fire
that eats up my mask, the lie in its entire.
Swallowed by the flames that slowly change instigate;
Change, which undeniably the illusion will depreciate.

Author's Note

The picture is of a painting by Mahmoud Farshchian

I welcome any constructive criticism and suggestions

Reviews

[J. K. Beach]

"I dance through the fire
that eats up my mask..."

What a lovely line this is, Mai... it conjures images that are at once horrible for the one en masque, but possibly liberating as well. It is terrifying to have our layers peeled away, but If we can expose our core, we may find that those around us, our family and true friends, can appreciate who we truly are and not the movie we make for the world to see. Good job with this one... I'd love to see you experiment with a non-couplet rhyme scheme sometime (I've not read all your work, but it seems to be your go-to structure.) Your ear is sure, but sometimes it is hard to hang every thought and emotion on such a scheme. Just a thought... JKB

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for taking the time to engage :) I appreciate your advice too, I have experimented with a non-couplet rhyme scheme. As you say, it is not always the best way to illustrate that honest emotion.

[Kayleen]

you have a great talent. this poem flowed wonderfully ( a great break from most of the poetry on here!) and has striking and powerful words and imagery. very well done.

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for your kind review, Kayleen. I really appreciate it :)

[ANTO]

The speaker has opened their heart in an exploration and in self-seeking and perhaps a tiny subconscious tad of comfort-seeking that the bad old days are not about to return.
A glitch, a bump in an otherwise long -time smooth path was encountered, that much is clear. How to deal with it is the question. Do we go back to the drawing board and tear down all that was built up throwing the baby AND the bathwater AND even the bath and the soap et al, OUT?

So, do we take this knock - this punch - on the chin and realise that the façade we use and project to outsiders is a preposterously thin and transparent veil to members of our family who know every detail and minutuae of us since they wiped our bottoms as a child.
The two worlds have finally clashed - we are trying to split ourselves - be ourselves to our family and be our 'outside self' to our friend who may be visiting our family home.
If they are a friend then they will know that we all have these two personas to an extent - even the people who say they are always the same way will behave differently in those two worlds.
Its natural. Nothing to truly fret over - in fact - laugh
Laugh at the dichotomy with you because its within us all.

Our parents can - in an instant - make us feel like spotty little kids with one look or when they embarrass us to others. Thats their right!...Unfortunately ..but hopefully they dont exercise that right too often or only on the one offspring all the time.

There are a few word choices that don't really fit (for me)
You should also allow yourself some leeway in the rhyming - you put a lot of pressure on yourself, I think to exactly match rhyming words where you could employ assonance or poetic licence Mai.

Overall its a consistent write and the reader really gets to squirm alongside the writer because the uneasy feeling is well conveyed.
Bravo

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts, Anto!
From your first 3 paragraphs I gather that you find it slightly over-dramatic... Haha! I cannot deny that some of my writing may be just a tad dramatic :) Though I don't think it is quite as simple for everyone as you write in the above... Though, I do appreciate your honesty! It is important to know how the poem comes across.

The word choices that you are not happy about, could you give some examples?

I see what you are saying about uptight rhyming - but I don't think I will change that for this poem though - but good to keep in mind in the future.
Is the 'bravo' sincere or sarcasm? :)

[ANTO]

Its sincere - I think as a fellow drama royal I was projecting a bit but definitely sincere Mai.
read moreIts sincere - I think as a fellow drama royal I was projecting a bit but definitely sincere Mai.
I have felt the same as I interpreted the writer to feel here - so I brought a lot of personal stuff to that review. Sorry


'step' and 'tread' seemed too much of stretch given the smooth flow up to that point,
'visible decent' - the phrase seems like it was shoe horned in to me.

I apologise if my words seemed sarcastic
:)

[Mai L Nissen]

Just checking :)

Read more of your stuff or just in general? Haha...

[ANTO]

lol - good one - now are you being sarcastic ?? ;p

[Mai L Nissen]

- Let's call it playful ;)

[ANTO]

deal ;) -

[James O'Rourke]

Nice writing Mai.

The whole piece playing out like a stage act. Like Broadway. Each stanza the play becomes more and more intense. The language becomes stronger and plot becomes more intricate. The fourth stanza the play starts falling apart, and by the fifth, chaotic redemption.

Beautiful poem of struggling to deal with what people want you to be, and the equally difficult struggle to hold on to what makes you an individual. Another great piece!

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for the wonderful review! I am glad it comes across as you say, and hope that others agree :)

[Jamestown]

A piece so many will relate with for sure, I could no doubt feel the intense feeling
through parts of the write, it actually caused my neck to twitch lol,
well written, top to bottom and enjoyed reading, thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for taking the time! I am glad you enjoyed it and even caused your neck to twitch, haha...

[MsJewel]

I think many can relate to your words...
Numbing all feelings not meant to beguile;
To be picture perfect without a flaw;
Uncomplicated, loveliest daughter you ever saw.
We mask our feelings not allowing others to see what is beneath - it is a fear that many face..I know I definitely can relate.
Your writing feels so honest and real.
Truly a delight to read
:) Julie

[Mai L Nissen]

thank you for your kind words! I do try to always speak my mind when writing, it is the one time and place my thoughts and feelings can flow without hurting the feelings of others. What I write is true in that moment - obviously from my perspective :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I love your poetry. We could discuss each one in detail. You write with a honest and direct pen.
"Everyone frightened as the stage turn on fire;
Everything they hoped lies dead on a pyre.
The stage burned down, the act destroyed;"
I could write a complete poem from the three lines above. You left the reader with something to think about. Thank you for sharing your outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for reading the poem and your wonderful review! If you ever do write a poem inspired by those lines, I would love to read it! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I will write a poem with these lines tonight and bring the poem to your attention.

[WhiteWillow]

This puts forth a feeling we have all shared at one time or another in our lives. The fear of failure. As we age, however, we realize its far better to have tried and failed, than to not have tried at all.

[Mai L Nissen]

Yes, you are entirely right! most people do go through such a phase at one point in life. I revisited that phase recently for a few days, though, and made this poem as a result :)

[WhiteWillow]

I have a feeling most of us will revisit this many times in our lifetime, unfortunately!

[K.W.F]

This felt so intense. To bare your soul in these words, I truly appreciate the way you express yourself.

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you :) I really appreciate you taking the time to read it and to be open to engaging yourself!

[K.W.F]

I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you :)