We Love...

A reflection on the end of my 6 year long relationship with a a man, who suffered from depression and alcoholisim .

I am here
You are here
Not quite living
Not quite dying
We are here
We are here, in this space

I exist
You exist
Not quite living
Not quite dying
We exist
We exist, next to each other

I love
You love
Not quite living
Not quite dying
We love
We love, indifferently

I hate
You hate
Not quite there
Not quite leaving
We hate
We hate, whole-heartedly

I hurt
You hurt
Not quite living
Not quite loving
We hurt
We hurt alone

I am here
You are gone
Not quite living
Not quite loving
We are gone
We are gone forever

Mai L. Nissen 2011

Author's Note

Art by Ditte Løfgren
http://ditteloefgren.com

I welcome any constructive criticism and suggestions

Reviews

[Jamestown]

I was hoping to see one of your pieces today:)
I really enjoyed this piece, the repetition is a really great idea
for a piece like this, reinforced feeling if you will.
It is sad, but these things happen and I'm sure you are stronger
and wiser cause of it! Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts on it :) Glad that it came across as intended. Stronger indeed - wiser, you can only hope :D

[Terrence Chang]

It is a very crisp write. The repetition of your words smoothen the poem. Phenomenal writing and what a way to propose.

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for your kind words, Terrence! Though, I am not sure what you mean by propose?

[Terrence Chang]

Sorry for my for my words I ment was prosper in a sense of walking together with love

[J. K. Beach]

Mai... This is a rhythmic, almost haunting, description of the last gasps of a dying love. A reminder, a mantra almost, of the constant hurt and pain endured at a time like this. The one thing that I seem to want is an emphasis in the form on an ending, maybe a line inserted before "We are gone forever" and then the last line set apart by itself... Closure. But maybe that is not reality and the pain still lives, almost as if the stanzas could march on and on and on... Either way it is a heartfelt piece and well done! Thanks for sharing!

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for your insights, Jeff. I will think about your suggestion and see what I can come up with :) I really appreciate it"

[Mai L Nissen]

Don't know how to do it... I can only think to add something rather than redo the last stanza:
"I am here
You are gone
Not quite living
Not quite loving
We are gone
We are gone forever"

It's time to say goodbye
or
It's time to let go/I am letting you go/I will let you go.

I don't know...

[Sameer]

Awesome a space where love remains and words just bring the pain.

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment!

[ANTO]

I am sorry that you had to experience this Mai. 6 years is a long time. I really connected with this one. I have been 100% abstinent now for 4 years - the stealth of this affliction is what makes it deadly - drinkers often play down the role of alcohol, saying they are 'social drinkers' but a point comes when they can't hide behind that - usually its too late by then. i buried a friend of mines two weeks ago who died horribly from a combination of alcohol related diseases.

It must have been hard to pen such a personal write but Im glad you did. It really illuminates the darkness that drinkers inflict when they are consuming alcohol and hopefully it will have a positive effect on some readers.




The format of this - with its repetition, would make a great song I feel.

[Mai L Nissen]

Yeah, it kinda sucked :)
I am sorry about your friend - and that you too had to go through this type of experience! I am glad to hear that you are better now. Though, I imagine that it is still a burden at times, a choice you actively have to make now and again...

Actually, it was quite easy to write. Don't get me wrong, I was not thinking happy thoughts while writing it... I think I wrote 6 poems in the same evening relating to my relationship with him, so many emotions that just eat at you, but getting it out onto paper relived a lot of those aimless emotions.

Maybe it would make a decent song, however, I am not a musician :)

[ANTO]

I wrote a song that was in a similar vein called "You Pay" - because some people see drinkers as wasters and layabouts but the addiction takes - and the addicted person pays (as well as everyone in their sphere of influence) - I have a sword of Damocles to help stay away from drink - I take it (in tablet form) and it prevents alcohol being metabolised so you be violently sick within minutes as the body rejects the alcohol.

Im glad writing about it helped Mai. :)

[Mai L Nissen]

The drinker certainly pays! Probably one of the reasons I stayed, was because despite his manipulate and destructive behaviour, he was even more unhappy than me - and I was scared what would happen to him if I left...

It is a good thing that you have accepted help it is not something you can do entirely on your own :)
Is the song on this site?

[~]

You have a done a great job using the excellent list of verbs you used, to describe the piercing reality of these two heartbreaking realities. My heart goes out to you..

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I appreciate it :)

[Yusuf Qaizar]

Well written. I like the rhythm and the message in that rhythm.

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you, Yusuf!

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice flow of words and thoughts. You led the reader to a sad ending. I like the description. Making the reader feel the emotions of the words. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Mai L Nissen]

I am glad that you could engage with the emotions, that means a lot! I was very scared to share this poem with other to begin with - it was the first poem after a eight years of no writing at all...

[Coyote Poetry]

You did very well. A strong poem with emotional value.