A Guest in the Jail (Day I)

A GUEST IN THE JAIL

 

DAY I

 

I still have hope…

 

         Martin moved toward the entrance of detention center with a few armed guards around him. His handcuffs were cold and annoying. He was so scared but he wasn’t feeling any regret about what he has done. Whatever he has done was for his burning flame Violet. Having come closer to his unavoidable end, Martin realized that flame had really burned him once again. He was a 17 year-old prisoner in a jail! Anything wouldn’t be the same anymore in his point of view. All the life he dreamed on has gone in a half-hour court.

 “Young defendant Martin was sentenced to 7 days’ imprisonment”.

 What would he do? He was in a jail now! A jail for murderers, thieves, anarchists and Martin. He didn’t want to imagine what kind of people he will meet inside. It was an insulting situation for him and for his family, so his father would never forgive him. Insulting voices were still sounding around Martin’s ears.

 “You have humiliated our family’s honor son! How could you do it to us?”

 “My dear son… You were always a nice boy. I can’t see you in a jail. I can’t…”

“You are a monster Martin! You hear me? I will never ever forgive you! Whatever you have done to Tom will be the end of you!”

 Martin wanted to get his dad, mom and Violet’s sounds out of his head but he couldn’t. He was trying hard since guards handcuffed and putted him into the car in order to take him detention center.  While he was drowning in his thoughts, a guard came to him.

 “Take your clothes off for security search boy!” said guard. Martin did whatever they asked. Guards wanted to be sure about he has no bugs or illegal drugs in any hole of his body. After a few insulting processes they gave a little board written his name and his entering date on his hands to take a picture for record. End of the processes one of the guards wanted Martin to follow him. Moving towards his cell, out of the blue, a mirror caught his eye. The view on the mirror was not Martin anymore. He was a hopeless prisoner in the orange clothes.

 “Get into the cell” shouted guard. Martin looked his little cell. He missed his room, which he didn’t use to like so much. There were just an uncomfortable bed and a toilette in his cell. No books, no computer, no television, no friends… Just Martin and his annoying memories… What would he do?

 “Oh, dear Violet… My burning flame… Whatever I have done was just for you, why can’t you see it? I love you more than anything” whispered into the darkness. Until they find him a ward, he would stay in that cell for today. He was about to die because of thoughts nibbles his mind. Just for a minute he considered that if he had a roommate, it would be easier to stand that 7 days in the jail. There were no time between that idea’s coming and leaving. He was in a jail! What kind of boy he could chat with. He had nothing to talk with a prisoner scum.

“But am I a scum too?”

         “Time to leave boy!” shouted guard. They had found a ward for him to stay. Martin walked towards his new ward. Time was almost late hour of the night. He had a terrible headache. As soon as he entered his new ward his new roommate had eyed him and shouted at him.

“Fresh blood!”

Martin moved into the ward with his anger and melancholy inside. His roommate eyed at Martin’s face and shouted at him again.

‘‘Do you have a name fresh blood?’’

His roommate was pretty tall and looked strong. His black straight hair was covering his ears. In comparison with Martin, he had stubbly beard. Martin was always jealous of his equals who have beard. Even being prejudiced was not a manner of Martin at all; he hated his new roommate at first sight. He must be hiding something behind his cheerful face. Something full of suffer. After Martin’s a bit long look at his new roommate, he decided to answer the question.

‘‘Martin, if you will stop shouting at me.’’

“And I am Walter. Pleasure to meet you!”

“Yes, anyway…”

         ‘‘Apparently, you have the worst story ever to tell me haven’t you?’’

Martin was in two minded about telling him his story but he started. Apparently he has nothing to do in those 7 days.

         “Absolutely the worst story ever. Can’t you see that! I’m in a jail at my young age!” he complained. Walter eyed him with a grin and he said,

“If you told me your story, I would decide either the worst or the best.”

Martin was getting angry to Walter in every second.

“Alright, in a nutshell I loved a girl more than anything. I could do everything for her. However, she had never given me a chance. One day I saw her with a dumb a*s and I knocked the daylights out of him. As you can see I ended up in here. I will stay in that rubbish for one week! ”

Walter started to burst into laughter.

         “Dude, you just told me a fairy story.”

Martin had burst with anger.

         “How do you dare?” Can’t you see that! I don’t have a life anymore! I’m a prisoner…”

         “So you don’t have a life hah?” said Walter slowly and continued,

         “So here comes my story. I’ve never met my father because he died when I was a baby. My stepfather was a dick. He used to torture us every day. One night he was drunk again. He was beating my mother over and over again. After my mother’s hopeless screams I put my stepfather’s shotgun against his head then I pulled my trigger, now he’s dead!”

         After Martin heard the story he felt broken down. There was no difference with drama movies. He looked at his friend’s sad face. First time in his life he was looking at a murderer’s face. Walter continued to talk,

         “My mother never forgave me. In her opinion, god will never forgive me too. I will burn in the hell you know. She never came here to see me. Besides, unlike you, I didn’t find enough time to fall in love with anyone.” Martin couldn’t find anything to tell him. He was right. He thought his life was ruined and never would change, but he realized that he was still living in a fairy tale. One week later he could break free while Walter couldn’t, he would be able to hug his father again while Walter wouldn’t and his mother would forgive him while Walter’s wouldn’t…

“I am so sorry for this Walt.”

“Don’t be.”

“And forgive me for being mean”

“Not a big deal. Keep your pecker up! You will be our guest for 7 days as far as I know. We have a lot to see”

While Martin was looking at his ward a boy sleeping in his bed has caught his eye.

“Who is that guy?”

“Jasper… You can meet him tomorrow. He is a weird guy. Sometimes he sleeps early, but I remember that once he didn’t sleep for almost one week.”

“Jesus! He gotta be crazy. What kind of person he is?”

 “A withdrawn and sad person”

Martin asked him with his all wonder.

“What is his deal? Why is he here?”

“A long story for another day Martin. It is pretty late right?”

“Alright, maybe I can ask that question Jasper tomorrow morning”

Walter laughed.

“Believe me I will be the only one that you can learn his story from.”

Martin surprised.

“Why?”

“Because, he is not a chatterbox like me you know. He came there 1 year ago. Day by day he became a more depressed and sad guy. No one comes to visit him like me. I am his friend but he doesn’t even talk to me at these days. I barely know his story.”

“I hope we will accomplish to speak him”

“I hope” said Walter slowly.

They didn’t talk after that moment. They headed to their beds. That night had taught Martin many things. For starters he was the most hopeful man in the world anymore. After he has gained his freedom he could be a lawyer to save innocent children like Walter. He could run after his love, his burning flame, again or he could meet totally a new girl who would make him happiest man in the world, although, even himself doesn’t believe that another girl idea. And despite not knowing Jasper well; he won’t be as depressed as him. He was cheering up while thinking about his future. Suddenly he couldn’t contain himself for thinking about Walter. He had never lived in a good life and he won’t be able to live tomorrow too. He mustn’t have any hope for living. It was so tragic. While he was about to sleep Walter whispered him,

“I still have hope Martin…”

         

Author's Note

Get ready for Day II if you want to learn about Jasper...

Reviews

[barleygirl]

There are a number of places where we can "hear" that English is not your first language. But despite this weakness in the construction of your story, the imagination in your story is very well shown thru-out. I like the beginning where, upon being sentenced to jail, Martin is overcome with bad feelings based on what other people will think (very true-to-life). I also love the way you first show Martin feeling sorry for himself, like his life was ruined, until he heard Walter's story, which was much worse. This is a great life lesson, told as a parable, where you SHOW instead of TELL the reader the deeper meaning. It's very creative for you to show this internal change in Martin, as he goes thru this difficult situation, seeing others in their troubles, & wanting to be a better person.

[D Connolly]

My first impression of the story is muddled, as I have been to jail (oh gosh, here we go) and I didn't feel that the meeting of Martin's cell mate Walter was realistic. In my experience, it takes a little while before people start swapping stories; it's actually considered very rude to ask why someone has been put in jail because it is usually very embarrassing to explain your faults to someone you just met.
Walter is a self described "chatter box", so maybe that could be overlooked.
I do like how, as Barley mentioned, Martin goes in completely self consumed, and then as he learns the story of another, he realizes that others have a much worse situation than him, and that gets him into a solution of changing his life for the better to help children once he gets out!
I think to make the story more realistic from the beginning would be to include some more action. Maybe a situation where Martin and Walter meet in the chow hall and someone picks a fight with the new fish Martin, causing Walter to step in and help. That could be a catalyst for their initial meeting and friendship, THEN their stories could be told to each other. As Walter shows Martin the ropes, he could tell him a bit about Jasper the weirdo.
Just my thoughts, and I hope you find them constructive. I will be reading the next chapters!! :)

[Kay Beaver]

I found them really constructive thanks for your comment :) I will consider your advices in my next writings... I am looking forward to seeing your new comments in other chapters...

[Valentine]

For English not being your first language you have done very well, kept the reader interested. Valentine

[Kay Beaver]

I was wondering about whether my language was sufficient for sustaining that story or not, so I really needed that kind of comment. Thank you so much...

[Jacob Clifford]

What a frightening experience this would be. The interactions between the inmates are interesting, and I can tell where Martin is coming from. The idea of a seven-day story is unique. Remember to have fun with it.

[Kay Beaver]

Thanks for your nice review... I wonder about your opinion, where is Martin coming from?

[Jacob Clifford]

My bad. I meant to say Walter. I get where he's coming from, in having to shoot his stepdad.

[Kay Beaver]

Oh I see so what do you think where it comes from M

[Jacob Clifford]

Well, Walter comes from a life of being imprisoned in an abusive family, and now he's literally imprisoned in a prison. He's lived a hard life, and he just can't catch a break.

[Kay Beaver]

Exactly. I totally recommend you to read the rest of the story in order to learn about more all of that characters. 3 days are published and day 4 is coming by tomorrow... Thanks for your interest. By the way Bohemian rhapsody by Queen inspired me to write about Walter...

[Jacob Clifford]

I certainly will read the rest of the story in time. And I actually thought of Bohemian Rhapsody when I read Walter's flashback. I assumed it was coincidence, but it's cool that you purposefully did that.

[Kay Beaver]

Songs inspires me so much. Besides Bohemian Rhapsody is not the only song that inspired me...You will see it during the next days...

[Gabija]

Very good! I want to read a page after page!

[Kay Beaver]

Thank you so much. Day 2 is ready already you can find it in my profile and get ready for day 3 it is coming by tomorrow morning...

[wordman]

interesting write,kept you reading about jasper

[Kay Beaver]

Thank you... Day II is coming tomorrow

[wordman]

i will look for it !