Ripped Away

Not sure I feel this is finished, but I am putting it out there anyway

everything ripped away

all things I wish to be

I never wanted everything

Instead I got nothing

I always stayed

Always talked

But never enough

It was never enough

 

All I ever wanted

was to love

and be loved

and all you did

was take my heart

and never gave it back

 

I sit around and wait

Hoping the pain will end

But it remains

A hole

Where the heart should be

 

As I mourned my heart

He came up to me

In his outstretched arm

Was my heart….with his

I took it

Knowing I will never leave

For I will not pain him

Like I was

Author's Note

Just want opinions, and please, keep to constructive criticism

Reviews

[A.Lee]

Hmm... It sounds really good. I agree it doesn't feel completely wrapped up. I think I would change a few individual words like change "never gave it back" --> "never give it back" in the second verse. And I would also edit the last line, the wording makes it sound slightly off. I really like this poem though. I think it came across really well. It just needs a tiny bit of polishing. Good job though!