In My Dreams

In my dreams, we run barefoot out in the fields behind our house. I get to relive that first night we spent here, when you dragged me off the couch and ran out to the backyard so fast I didn’t have time to throw on the flip flops by the back door. The setting sun blinded me at first, my squinted eyes forming a glow in my vision that seemed to exist only around you.

“Where are we going?” I asked. You never answered, just gripped my hand a bit tighter as we circled through the trees past our property line. The fresh grass in the open field tickled my feet as you led me towards the hill in the middle of a break in the trees. We struggled to the top and fell to our knees.

“Ed, what’re we doing here?” I asked again, panting through my words as I noticed the red spreading through your cheeks.

“We’re watching this,” you finally answered me, pointing through the wispy evening clouds at the setting sun resting just over the horizon. Pink and orange rays exploded across the sky, coating us in color. I turned to you, becoming mesmerized by the light reflecting from your eyes as you stared back at me. You chuckled at my infatuation and pulled me into your lap, resting your head on top of mine. The cool night air nipped at my bare feet, but the your warmth surrounded me, fighting off the cold.

We watched the sun dip beneath the horizon as we soaked up each other’s presence. We stayed to count the stars as they began to pop up across the night sky. For each one we saw, you told me something you loved about me, and I returned the gesture. I felt my eyes begin to slip shut as you traced star shapes into my arms with your fingers.

Then, I wake up. I find myself in our bed, listening to your snores from the opposite side. You don’t hold me in your sleep anymore; you curl into yourself now, pushing me away towards the cold side of our king-sized mattress.

I slip out of bed and let my feet lead me out of our room, down the stairs, and out the back door. In my haze I forget to put on shoes, though I realize my mistake moments later as the wet grass slides against my feet. The moon illuminates the area around me enough so I can avoid the trees in my path. The woods open to the field with the hill, and I sprint up it. The moon is sitting just above me, low enough to touch. I try to, but I miss it by the tips of my fingers and watch it slip away, like magic of my dreams.

My feet are suddenly freezing, as if the cold lurking in the shadows finally caught up to me. I collapse at the top of the hill, letting the damp ground soak into my t-shirt as I stare up at the stars. There are less here now than there are in my dreams. I count them as I try to think of the reasons you loved me. I wonder if you could still come up with enough to match the stars in the sky. I’m not sure I can anymore.

Author's Note

I appreciate any feedback I can get!

Reviews

[emipoemi]

This took a turn. A rather predictable turn given the context, but one that still takes by surprise in the best of ways; almost as if the inkling of the predictable outcome is presumed doubtful or undesired. It was still an engaging read. Bittersweet in so many aspects, and the comparison between dream and reality in the number of stars in the sky, also symbolic of the dwindling love in the air between the couple, is executed with a golden touch. You have everything in the right places, the set-ups, the pay-offs, the echos! Huuuuuy! Marvellous. If you want proper feedback, though, you don't have much to fix, if at all. I'm of the opinion that no critic should critique on a personal level, because that's pompously idiotic. So take this with a grain of salt as I'm still questioning whether it's wrong in practice or because I find it awkward: the moments where you repeat words in proximity is generally an awkward tactic, and the mention of "trees" twice in the second paragraph in an example. The mentions of "trees" are far enough a part for this to be fine, there's no real problem necessarily, but provided you describe the same area as a hill looking out over a field with a horizon, the second mention of "trees" doesn't need to be there and you can leave the woods behind as the couple climbs the hill to look out over the field. Another factor is superfluous words. The "becoming" in "becoming mesmerized" is an example. This might also just be an awkward word for the sequence, maybe a synonym would be better (because I understand the purpose is that the light in his eyes mesmerized her upon her looking towards him), but the scene already played out of the sun over the horizon was such a mesmerizing description that she becoming mesmerized by him right after felt redundant, especially since it's the light reflecting from the scene just described that's mesmerizing. (if you're going to simply choose another word, might I suggest "growing". Either way, a word before "mesmerized" just feels off). Those are my main notes that kinda apply to the whole story, in probably only at least a couple of more instances - it is an otherwise brilliantly-crafted story. I need say no more to be convinced of that. Well done!