Dear U21

Dear U
How can one in just words describe how their heart feels like? I wish I was as more well spoken. That I could tell you excatly what I think. But then again, I don't even know you. How can I then speak to you? I still have nothing important to say. But can't stop writing. Like my brain speaks a diffrent language than my heart. I wonder sometimes if I will make my head explode. It is crazy. Just as much as I wish to sit under a tree and we take turns reading poetry to each other, I just want to fall down on the sofa and just turn off my head. There are so many things i want to do but lack the drive to do. Everything just feel so pointless. I wish I could say that I would be diffrent if this and that changed. But I know I won't. Not deep down inside. Sometimes I worry that the reason that I haven't met you is because I don't deserve it. That even thou I think I am nice enough I actually am a bad person deep inside. Selfish and uncaring. Maybe that is true. It is after all so hard to see yourself through the eyes of others. I am sorry. I never seem to be able to leave all the negativity behind me. Maybe I like to be miserable and tyat is why I don't even try. I know I don't deserve you. But still. I will always be yours.
Sweet dreams Dear U