Dear U 20

Dear U. It is getting colder. As Am I. I can't remember any more when the last time I laughed was. I look at the news and not a single emotion comes over me. I am numb. How can I still dream and wish t see your face when my heart is slowly and painfully dying? Would it ever be fair to you if you met me in this state? I don't know any more. I just greedily wish for you without caring for anything else. I am truly a horrible person. I don't deserve you. But still I hope. That is the last I have after all. One last beam of light which holds me up. I keep dreaming and wishing to hold your hand, to talk to you, laugh with you. See, even my dreams are pathetic. How can I still keep wishing for something my head knows is not going to happen. My heart keep bleeding as my head laughs at it. I am broken and shattered. Lost and forgotten. Please, please don't turn away from me. I know I am imperfect. I know I am not all I could be and I bring myself down more than anyone can ever do. But please, don't turn away from me. Please meet me. Sometime, somewhere. Please. As the soul becomes empty the head tries to compensate. Trying to make up a world that makes sense. Without you. I pretend to be strong. I pretend to be wise. But it is all lies. I can't seem to do anything but lie. And I hate myself even more for it. I wish I could just hear your voice. If only for a day.
Know you are always with me.
Sweet dreams Dear U