Dear U 19

Dear U.
Why is it so hard to transfer your emotions to words? Why does it always evade me? I try so hard to let them out but worry that all I do is bury them deeper. Try so hard to find a way to express it but no. Somehow.. It is like they become bigger and bigger.. Untill they just.. Swallow you up. The emptiness.. The throbbing dark emptiness that pulls away every inch of energy I have, is all that is left. Would it be better if I didn't keep everything to myself? Somtimes I don't think so. Plus, I don't even know what to say. I can't describe it. I can't say why. Nothing happens unless you make it happen. Isn't that how it goes? But what can I do? Where could I go to be diffrent? To be more than I am. There is so much I want to do but I know I am incapable of doing. Not everyone can do everything. But just once. I would like to get at least one dream. One that I really burn for. I am ready to fight for it. But I don't know how to get there. But above all.I do wish I had you to talk to. I wish I had someone to talk to. Maybe not everyone is here to be happy. Some of us are just the cogwheels that spin to make someone else happy. But Im not made of metal.
Sweet dreams dear U.