Dear U 17

Dear U.
How dull the world seems when I don't have you around to talk to. Nothing seems important. No matter how hard I try I just constantly feel like failing. Even when I'm not. Stupid. The logical side of me finds it patetic, to need to have someone else to justify yourself. To need someone to feel good about yourself. But I just want someone to share things with. The good and the bad. To hear what happens to them and laugh with them. Is that so wrong? I know I can focus on making myself a better person to be more proud of me. But what is the point? Why be a better person when all that I actually need is nutrition, sleep and some kind of activity. Wow, that sounded clinical and cold. In a way I guess I am. But I don't want to be. Is that wanting to change for me or for the hope that you would ever see me? It is the same as helping others. If someone falls or get hurt I automatically rush there to help them without thinking. An it almost hurts in me too. I guess I am weak like that. But normaly helping others, like fetching things for them. Holding up doors. Do we do that because we want to help them or because we want to look better in the eyes of others? As dark as the world is today makes it hard to answer that. The only thing I know is that whenever I see someone who got to experience joy, real pure joy. I get happy too. Even if it is on TV. I wonder if that makes me pathetic or simply a pack animal. I'm pretty sure I will never find out. There is nothing as hard to explain as emotions. And if I don't understand then then how can anyone else do so.
I wish I could meet you. At least ine time.
Always in my mind.
Sweet dreams Dear U..