Dear U 13

Dear U.
I really wish I had you to lean on. I'm going through a storm right now and just feel tossed from side to side. I worry about my behaviour not being the best. I want to be kind, smart and caring. But I am not. I hate lies, and still I do. I fear I am a really mean person. And if you knew me, you wouldn't like me. Constantly I try to be better. But then I relax a little and stuble back. Does that mean that I am a bad person, deep down? I hope not. I want to be a person ypu could be proud of. I want to do my best to be the best I can be. But it is so hard at times to even know what that is. I still don't know for sure who I want to be completely. Just a mess really. I am sorry to load this on you. But you are my rock and shelter. My safe harbor. Even if I can't talk to you I still wish deeply I could. I really wish you are happy wherever you are. I wish you are with someone who makrs you smile. Of course I wish that one was me, but I don't want you to be this sad so I rather see you smiling with someone else than feel anything close to this.
Sweet dreams Dear U...