General Jim and The Martians

The air force attacked a ship in the sky .

Fearing an invasion or 10 .

But , the Martians inside all drunk laughed it off .

In the face of the miserly U.N.

So the U.N. sent for General Jim .

A Master of pre-ordained war .

He was kicking and screaming " I'm retired you pigs !!!! "

As they drug him through the conference room doors ....

    They said " Jim we need your salvation .

    The world's freedom is now on the line !!!! "

    Jim just replied " I don't care who dies .

    If they can just 'nape' my ex-wife .

     Now my mind is slipping from orbit .

     And the future has no place for mine .

     But , I'll take this last task so my mem'ry will last .

   If this world will be long on time .... "

General Jim was flown to a mountain .

Where the ship was hovering in the air .

Their leader exclaimed " We've come in peace "

And Jim just replied " I don't care . "

Then the Martians took Jim on the mother ship .

And gave him a couple of drinks .

They began to discuss humanity .

And Jim paused a moment to think ....

" My mind has slipped out of orbit .

I should have just stayed home this time .

If I am still alive then I can be bribed .

To have you all go nuke my ex-wife .

And my mind slips farther from orbit .

From these drinks , I see the future of mine .

The world should be a huge smoking crater .

Because humans just suck all of the time .... "

The Martians brought Jim back to the mountain .

After they finally let him nuke his ex-wife ( to shut him up )

Jim seemed so sorry to see his home world .

But he seemed a bit more alive .

He gave the U.N. an oral report .

Of the things he had seen on his ride .

Full of profanity and bitter reports .

Still drunk on that Martian made wine . ( YAHOOO !!!! )

He said " I'm tired of playing space ranger .

I'm going back home once again .

Don't mess with my rights or you'll be nuetrallized .

By my big , bad , green Martian friends .

My mind has slipped out of orbit .

And now it's YOUR butts on the line .

So get me a bottle of tequila .

'Cause , I'm off to go see my ex-wife ....

Yeah , get me a bottle of tequila .

And , I'm gonna go and piss on my ex-wife .........