Vacant

A Poem by JaneIvany

Trying to coil my fingers around non-existent oxygen
Trying to twine my petty fingers through his hair,
Absentmindedly,
It is his physical self, his hair a part of it.
Can't grasp my fingers around our love,
Just like I can't cup my two hands & solidly hold liquid water
It slips between the cracks of my bony fingers
      Drip...
       Drip...
        Drip...
I know our love is out there
But can I will myself the strength to hold it, to bring it back,
To physicality
Where I feel ; Loved, Adored, Beautiful, Confident.
& Where you too, feel this.
I love you, & this will never change
But can you adjust to my recent,
Empty,
Aura?
Just for a while,
Stick with my empty, quiet self,
Until the normal me slips back,
Will you wait for that?
Await,
Stand-by my vacant body
Until warm lights revive my soul,
Bring love to me?
Will you stay with my vacant self?
Fill me with your warmth,
Penetrate me,
Bring me back,
Make me feel adored,
& better than the rest?