Short Story: Off Balanced Fan.

I have such vivid dreams almost every night and i chose to share this one with you guys.

As I enter my room I hear the faint clicking of the off balanced fan on my bedroom ceiling, and i can see my dogs laying patiently in my bed, waiting for me to do the same. Just got home from working the night shift, I want nothing more than to do just that. I click off the light switch, throw back the blankets to make room for myself, I feel the coolness of my unoccupied side of the bed, and my head feels the comfort of my pillow.  The moonlight shines through my window and illuminates my room, just enough for me to see the fan blades spinning...

I'm running now, from what i don't know, but i can feel the fear deep in my bones. My stomach is turning as if its a washing machine, and sweat is starting to bead on my forehead. I start taking in my surroundings. Im running down a long white corridor, as if I'm in a large hospital. Lights above my head are flickering, and I start to hear doors slam, and people yelling. Theres stains on the floors and walls, some blood, and others I'm not so sure i can make out what they are. 

All of a sudden i look back, and can understand why I'm running. A S.W.A.T. team of some sort, clothed in yellow chemical suits with no skin showing. Wearing black gas masks, the only thing I can see is their eyes. They're removing everything in their path, as if to get rid of something? I finally put the pieces together. Hospital, blood, people screaming for their lives, a sickness. They are ridding this place of some sort of sickness, but I'm fine....

I continue to run down hallways, up staircase after staircase. Reaching the top floor I stop to draw in a deep breath and try to slow my heart. All I can smell is rancid garbage mixed with a piercing copper smell. Looking down the hallway in front of me i just see green door after green door, most of them are closed but some open. I start to try the handles of the closed doors hoping to find some sort of sanctuary. Doors I can get into are filled with trash or lifeless bodies just bleeding out onto the cold tiled floor. 

Finally an unlocked door, I walk in and see cleanliness, a made bed, and the smell of bleach. I shut the door behind me and lock it, feeling the lock click underneath my fingertips. I start pushing everything in front of the door, in hopes it'll stop them from getting in, what choice do i have? Now i sit in the corner and wait. Feeling my heart beat slow, wiping the sweat from my face I sit down and lean against the cold wall, listening.

 Minutes have passed, maybe hours, but now I hear them. I hear their hard footsteps on the floor, I can hear their muffled commands coming from behind their masks. The room next to mine gets raided, I listen now as they are trying to kick my door in, they succeed in jarring the lock and now the furniture starts to move, and with every inch i feel my heart beating faster. The fear seeping further and further into me, with every passing second. I have no where to go, and no where to hide now. They rush in seeing me in the corner, shock has taken over my body. I feel myself wanting to scream but can't, just yelling inside of my head waiting for them to make their move. One guy moves towards me with fast steps, suit making sounds like windbreaker pants, and bends down in front of me, muzzle of the gun hitting the floor. Looks deep into my fear stricken eyes, with his emotionless blue ones. Then I see his brows dip, and his eyes fill with sorrow, almost apologetically, and his hand moves for the gun.

My eyes spring open and once again all I can hear is the faint clicking of the fan. 

Reviews

[Author Denise Ballard]

Wow, that was deep. I was able to visualize everything that was going on. My heart was beating and aching for you. I was in fear myself. I was engulfed in your piece.

[B. Boileau]

I see a shade of Rod Sterling in this. An excellent start into your dream without writing the obvious. The haunting clicking of the fan brings mysterious madness to the peice.

bill

[Dogbomb3]

Hi Michaela, quick review.

You've got lots of tension and great imagery here. It's interesting and unnerving. Nice use of a book end start-finish for such a short piece.

Remember not to tell us too much - e.g. I can feel the fear deep in my bones. My stomach is turning as if its a washing machine, and sweat is starting to bead on my forehead

You don't need to tell us that you are afraid, just - Stomach turning like a washing machine, beads of sweat forming . . .

You don't need to tell us what you can see or hear at the start, just describe - the off balanced fan on my bedroom ceiling clicks faintly, the dogs laying patiently underneath, waiting for me.

I hope this helps! Keep up the good work.

[Michaela]

Thanks so much for your review! Ill keep that stuff in mind for sure on my next one!

[Taylor]

Love all the description. Just try not to use so many I's. Other wise great book!