Open letter To The Boy Who Built My Walls

For the longest time I was just so angry. I was angry at the fact that you allowed me to love you for so long with no expectations, assumptions or guards. I was angry that you had me believing in the dream you had painted so nicely for me and for us. I was so angry at the fact that I was so in love. The type of love you feel when you watch a great movie, or start a great book. You start to put yourself in the story line, fall in love with the characters. Then when you left I was crushed. My movie or great book was over, and now if i go back and return the pages I don’t know what was truthful or if it was all blatant lies. I was so angry that the dream you had painted me was just a cloudy view of a terrible nightmare.

I'm no longer angry. I no longer relive the heartache everyday when I see you at work. I no longer strive to avoid you one day, and the next do everything I can to see your smile, or hear your voice. I no longer go through our pictures and wish I could go back. I no longer try and spill my emotions to you everyday in hopes that you remember how you felt about me. I no longer thrive for your touch, for your embrace, for your warm words, or your love. Thank god I no longer want anything to do with you.

Now? Now I want to thank you. Thank you for showing me that love should be a two-way street. Love should be guarded, scary, a rollercoaster, while also being breath taking, and beautiful. Thank you for showing me I needed to communicate and stop settling. Thank you for showing me so many things about myself that I needed to change or fix, but also the things about me that I needed to stand by and never change.

Most of all thank you for forcing my heart to put up walls. I was so young and naive when we met. I had no  barriers I just loved you with absolutely everything I had. I never questioned your actions, your words, or your habits. I thought everything you controlled of mine was helping me. When you told me not to hang out with certain friends, or not to wear certain clothes, I thought your intentions were good. Now I don’t let anyone control any part of my life. Now I refuse to fully trust any man until we prove to each other we can be honest, trustworthy and communicate. 

I hope everything goes well for you, thank you for all the life lessons you put me through. 

Oh, and thanks for leaving. It was the best thing you could’ve EVER done.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think!