Addicted

It's however you see it to be honest

Am I addicted to the hurt
Addicted to the pain
Is that why I go after things
That are so hard to attain
I’d rather see sunshine
But all I see rain
Buckets of in that flow
Endlessly in lines

They say when it rains it pours
But after the rain comes the sunshine
But I’m addicted to the cold
That wraps it’s arm around me
It invites me in, makes me feel wanted
It comforts me
It holds me tightly

When the good things don’t last
You choose to stay in the past
Dwell in the hurt
Dwelling hate
Holding on to things
Instead of letting go
I’m addicted to staying put
And not moving

I’m addicted to the way it hurts
The way it claws at me
And breaks me down
The pain staying
Never subsiding
No pain killers to take
Instead I cry
But I don’t cry tears

I’m avoiding the rehab
I don’t wanna go there
Cause letting go
Means forgetting
And forgetting means
It’s over
Letting go means
My best friends gone
But I don’t want her to be gone
Letting go means
I won’t think of him anymore
The way he looks
The way he smiles
The way he’s taken
And not mean
Letting go means
It’s over

So i’m running the opposite way
Pushing strangers away
Cause I don’t wanna face the troubles
I don’t wanna stand in line
I don’t wanna admit I have problem
I’m not addicted
I can quit anytime
I can let go whenever
But it’s not the right time
Things can be different
Things can change

Hurting is a drug
And yes I’m taking it
Every day
Every night
A different struggle
A different fight
I’m not addicted
I just can’t quit
I just can’t end it
It hits me hard
Then I fall
Wake up crying
Here’s the hangover
I’m barley trying
I’m starting to quit
My head’s not hurting
But my inside’s are
My eye’s aren’t red
But my teardrops are

I’m ready to give in
I’m ready to quit
It’s time to let go
It’s time to move on
The past is a path I walked
Time to close those doors
I love my best friend
But it’s time to let go
Things change
Things happen
I like him a lot
But it’s time to let go
But I’m addicted to the hurt
So I’m not letting go

Author's Note

Tell me what you think...it has a personal meaning to me, but as we all know poetry can be interpreted in so many ways