The Night Before the Wedding...

The horrors of a life lived behind closed doors. In most people's lives there are always secrets. Secrets, does not begin to describe the life of the 'Jack Charger' family.

                                    
                                              The Night Before the Wedding...


24 hours before Ashley's Wedding:

Daily the tension in Ashley's home mounted by varying degrees. Fear was tangible for everyone living in the house. The fear felt like living too close to an active volcano.  The tension, violence and the undercurrent of rage kept her family on edge, waiting for the eruption.  Often there would be loud slams as a book was thrown across the den, crashing into a wall.  Once a lamp was knocked over and shattered. No one ventured near the breakage, or tried to clean up the mess.  The dog yelped several times a day as he got too close to Ashley's father, Jack.  It was just a matter of time before her father lost complete control and hurt one of them.  Everyone was hoping it would not be Ashley.  She was to be married tomorrow at 2 p.m. to a good man named Tony Bonard.

Within 24 hours Ashley would be safe from a lifetime of slaps, fists to the top of the head, kicks to the stomach and the occasional broken finger or stomped toe.  Ribs were often dislocated, cracked or bruised, along with the rare black eye.  All of these things would be blamed on her brother or sister or her own clumsiness if anyone ever asked what happened to her.  This was the normal life of the Jack Charger family, Abbey, Matt, Ashley and their mother Ellen knew no other way to live.  Someone always took the blame when one of them was hurt. However, it was never, ever her father.

To the outside world, Jack Charger was a good man. He taught Sunday school at the First Baptist Church in Fulton. He was a member of the Fulton Police force. In fact, he had been a detective for many years. To the world at large he was a kind, likable man. He did not drink or have any known bad habits that would cause anyone to be suspicious of him. His family could never figure out why he was so mean and angry to them and so nice to other people

That night as always, dinner was served at 6 p.m.  Ellen cooked Jack's favorite meal: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese with a freshly made garden salad.  Ice tea and coffee were ready to drink, followed by a home made apple pie. The aroma in the house smelled delicious, almost covering the smell of fear.  The table was set, candles were lit. Each family was summoned to the dinner table.  Upon hearing their names their stomachs knotted, feeling like a hot lava rock had finally fallen into the pit of their souls.  Soon they would all be together, just like a normal family. This was seldom a good thing.

Matt arrived first. His seat was next to his mother who sat at the opposite end of the table from Jack. Next to arrive was Abbey , who took her place across from Matt. The chair next to Abbey was left vacant. The child who would have sat in that chair died before she was born. It appeared Ellen 'accidentally' tripped and fell down the stairs causing her to miscarry.  Their father sat at the head of the table. Beside him was Ashley's place. Jack said a prayer to bless the food.  Everything was served to Jack first and then passed to the right.  No one was hungry but Jack. Everything seemed to be going fine until Matt dropped his knife.  He and Ashley both reached at the same time to pick up the knife. They bumped heads and a normal laugh escaped their throats. A fist hit the table making all the dishes rattle.  Matt and Ashley sat up fast and rigid. Looking at each other they knew the 'war dance' had begun.

"Are you deliberately trying to ruin my dinner?  Did you really place a dirty knife on my table, close to MY food?" Jack yelled.  As he talked his voice became louder and his face began to change colors. A vivid red replaced the normal ashen colored face.  The nerve above his left eye began to throb causing his eye to twitch.  He pounded the table again with his fist.  Looking each member of his family in the eye, he started from the left looking closely at Abbey .

His wife silently mouthed, "Please Jack...not tonight." He smiled at Ellen, a smile that never reached his eyes. Then slowly he proceeded to look at his only son, Matt who had taken the knife off the table in hopes to appease his father. His father glared at him but passed him by, landing his wrath on Ashley.

"So Miss Ashley, you seem to think all of this is funny?"

"No sir," replied Ashley looking straight ahead, her hand clutching her pale blue linen napkin.

Her father took that remark as a sign of disrespect. He grabbed her left wrist twisting it as hard as he could then slammed it down on the table and pounded it with his fist. They all heard the first bone snap.  Ashley screamed out in pain.  As much as she hated to cry in front of her father,  the tears flowed.  She knew this was just the beginning of a long, miserable night.

Matt jumped up turning his chair over as he tried to get Ashley away from his crazy father's reach.  In the process he was backhanded and sent flying into a wall.  Ellen tried to get between Jack and the kids.  She knew it would never work but she always tried. Jack knocked her out with one punch to the chin.  He knew all her weak points.

Abbey was frozen to her chair. She looked at Ashley and cried silently. She knew there was nothing she could do to help her sister.

Once again, Jack's attention was turned to Ashley.  He sneered as he saw her crying while she held her left hand close to her chest.  Her father reached and grabbed a handful of auburn hair, yanking her out of her chair.  As she tumbled to the floor, Jack kicked her in the stomach.  She doubled over in pain. She was afraid she would puke, knowing this would only make matters worse. She tried to hold her mouth closed, swallowing the puke and hate in one gulp. When she could finally talk, she begged her father to stop.

"Daddy don't, please don't...in a few hours I am getting married. Please, please don't ruin this for me...please", she begged. It was the first time she could ever remember begging him not to hurt them. It never did any good and sometimes made things worse. 

Jack paused, looking long and hard at the dining room. He looked at the people he had just hurt and felt nothing, absolutely nothing.  He would leave them alone for the rest of the night, after all they had to be in church at two p.m.  Everyone would have to appear normal and happy.  He reached down to help Ashley up, grabbing her by her broken wrist. One last little reminder for his oldest daughter and their night could return to normal.  He grabbed Ashley's ring finger and broke it with the same effort it took to rip a chicken apart.

Ashley screamed again.  Her father reached over and whispered in her ear, "Let's see your new husband get's a ring on that messed up finger tomorrow."  For some reason he thought that was funny.  He laughed hard as he stepped over his wife, kicking his son out of the way.  He rambled through the house to his den.  It was almost time for the news.  He was always amazed at how horrible people around the world could be to each other. People never ceased to amaze him.


                        Chapter 2....





                             

Reviews

[Vicky Carter]

Christoph thank you for reviewing this story. Your input is greatly appreciated. I also think you are right. I will begin revising it soon...expect to hear from me soon:) Thank you again.

[Christoph Poe]

Okay, so I'm back to give you some thoughts! I'm re reading it a second time to see what I may have missed the first time, and like I tell all my "reviewees" (no, I don't think that's a word), I'm not a professional, and your writing is clearly your own and not mine.

I think the opening sentence would unfold better if you removed the "daily" at the beginning.

There are a lot of 'to-be' verbs that you can easily eliminate, and it wouldn't kill the reading experience but enhance it:

"Often there would be loud slams as a book was thrown across the den."

(My) correction:

"Books flew across the den and slammed against the walls."

Eliminating "to-be" verbs will enhance your writing, and if you learn to actually 'write' without using them, I'm telling you, you'll shock yourself with the things you'll write!

These aren't huge problems, but just something to think about.

Also, I like to call this "a writers train of thought". A good book is very little background story, and if background story IS needed, then you tell it as a story, a flashback even. Don't "tell" us what happened in the past. Again, you don't have much of this problem, but be leery of it. If you need some examples, just ask. "A writers train of thought" is that way of thinking as you write--as if every sentence you write were a movie, a stream if scenes displayed on a tele screen. Think about how things are portrayed in a movie, about the action (verbs), the scenery (description), the characters (the real connection of an audience into the foreign world), and the story (the plot). I know you know all of these things, but keep in mind too that along with characters the dialogue is highly important as well. It helps show us your readers.

Honestly though, you've got most of these, but you still need a bit more work blending them together. Your dialogue, however, is a bit weak. We could us more of it.

Here's a helpful strategy with dialogue: have your characters talk about the past. I can see these characters talking about their pasts a lot.

Okay, so enough ranting! I found it enjoyable overall. I wish I had more time to analyze, but it's been cut short. (So sorry!)

Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon!
--Christoph Poe

94/100

[zainul]

You presented a great story.
I hate the beast in the guise of human.

The only doubt I am making is it really possible to harm one's own daughter just before her wedding?

[Vicky Carter]

absolutely since sociopaths have no conscience the rules of he world do not apply to them. He saw nothing wrong with what he did because he felt nothing for any of them. His family is a part of his necessary disguise to fit in with normal people. There is another chapter maybe two, he isn't through with them yet:)

[zainul]

Thanks for the wonderful explanation.
I wanted to release my anger for the cruel treatment of Jack to Ashley, the apparently innocent daughter who was to be married next day.

[Vicky Carter]

Sociopaths also cannot stand for other people to be happy. Before every holiday or any special event they will blow up and try to ruin everything. They lack the ability to love and have no empathy for others. Rules do not apply to them. They demand other people to walk a very straight, tight line and never make a mistake.

[Christoph Poe]

I actually know a girl who is a sociopath. No one has anything to do with her hardly, including myself. It's probably the most demonic type of mental disorder that can affect a human being. It's sick.

[Vicky Carter]

I worked with them for years at the mental hospital for the criminally insane and I had one in my family. They give "Hell" a new meaning. Sad to say but, there is no cure except a bullet

[Christoph Poe]

I completely and entirely agree. There's nothing that can stop it, or even alter it.

[zainul]

Greatly benefited from the conversation.
Thanks both of you.