Masquerade

 

This house is so empty at night

So cold and so silent and dark

So cold I can see the breath

Leave me with brilliant grace

Effortlessly

And so silent I can hear

The screams echoing in the

Empty corners, wrought with confusion

And so dark all I can see

Is what once was in the bright

History, a history so fleeting

And as hard as you look

The words to change it

Just don’t come

And you’re just another piece

Of furniture in this

Masterpiece of falsehood

Reviews

[Donni]

this has the potential of being brilliant. Not that I am poetry expert, but it has a few hickups (my ever so humble opinion)

This house is so empty at night
So cold and so silent and dark (too many ands)
So cold I can see the breath (repeat of words so close can diminish the power of the previous line)
Leave me with brilliant grace (Should it be Leaves me with a brilliant grace?)
Effortlessly
And so silent I can hear
The screams echoing in the
Empty corners, wrought with confusion ( I love these last two lines!)
And so dark all I can see (Should it be "and so dark that all I can see'?)
Is what once was in the bright (bright what?)
History, a history so fleeting
And as hard as you look
The words to change it
Just don't come
And you're just another piece (this is the forth line that starts with And)
Of furniture in this
Masterpiece of falsehood (love these last three lines!)

I hope I haven't overstepped my place. Donni

[bluessadmood]

What lovely words and images..
Its so dark in here at night,so cold and silent could see your breath
So silent i could hear all screams echoing in every corner
So dark that all I see what was once so bright
History gone by,as hard as you look just dont come
You are another scene of this all falsehood
what lovely write,how i enjoyed this..