Moon

Everywhere where i am going
moon is also with me

I want to play at hide-and-seek
but don't

where ever i go
seen that
moon is laughing to see me

Moon is always at my side
seeing me
caring me
talking with me

i can not hide me from moon

Moon is as my mother
 

Reviews

[CecilA]

Dupur,

I really like your poem. It's intrigue and simile are refreshing.

One thing we have to do is work on the translation. English is a difficult language. If you don't mind, I'd like to intrepret your poem according to what I feel it says.

Everywhere I go
Moon is with me.
I try to play hide and seek
but she won't let me.

Wherever I go
Moon is happy to see me.
I can tell because
she's laughing at me.

Moon is always at my side:
she watches me;
she cares for me;
and she communes with me.

I cannot hide from Moon
and I don't want to
because Moon conforts me.
Moon is just like my mother.

See how this compares with your original written in your native tongue.

This is not criticism; merely a suggestion on how to translate your poem into a very difficult language.

I like the 'hide and seek' relationship you have with Moon. And I never thought of the moon as laughing but now that you brought it to my attention, I can't wait to see if she is going to laugh with me tonight.

I appreciate your sharing this poem with us and the opportunity to review it for you.

[Icelanna]

I agree with this! I love the personification of the moon itself!

[Tex]

yes this is a very constructive review... nicely said

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx all

[Nautili]

This is a whimsical piece, really adorable.

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx

[Anna]

Its a nice comparison, and I really like how you emphasize the reliability of the moon :) Good write!

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx

[Valentine]

If you can see the moon each night..you must live in a fairytale land..here we get storms and clouds and days when no part of the moon is exposed..valentine

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx

[Valentine]

I do not know which country you are from or about names there..is Moom really your mom????? Kathie

[Icelanna]

Very nice, but I would like to see some punctuation given it's a poem. A poem without punctuation is a flower without petals, it's deflated and there is room to grow :)
Love to you x

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx

[InsanityWriter]

Nice job. :)

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx

[Aehr]

This piece is refreshing. I shall remember it whenever I see the moon from now on. :)

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx

[Baby Ricochet]

Yep yep

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx

[kublakhan27]

I never thought of the moon this way before...nice work^^

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx

[KeeD]

Dupur I love the character you give the moon, it's a very nurturing and heartfelt write. Do you have this in a different language as well, If so I'd love to read it.

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx