Havin' a Go

 

FADE IN:

EXT: PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON

 

We see Burgis and Coug sitting on the back bumper of Coug’s car. It is still running. Both of them look extremely bored.

 

COUG

How long have we been here?

 

BURGIS

Don’t know.

 

COUG

What time did we get here?

 

BURGIS

Don’t know. Early, I think.

 

COUG

Well.

 

He looks up at the sky.

 

COUG (CONT)

It’s definitely past early.

 

      Burgis looks up in the same manner.

 

BURGIS

At least half-past. By the way, I –

 

He is interrupted by the sound of a car heard off in the distance. He looks toward the car, and then gets up.

 

BURGIS

      (relieved)

Oh thank God! It’s him. He’s finally here.

 

COUG

(not looking)

No, it’s not.

 

BURGIS

Of course it is. Who else would it be?

 

COUG

I don’t know. But it’s not.

 

BURGIS

How do you know?

 

The car rolls up on them. We see RAINNY (18) and his little brother, THEO (15), in the car. Rainny is driving, and seemingly excited, but curious, to see Burgis and Coug just sitting in the parking lot all by themselves. Theo is in the passenger seat, he is staring off into space, and looks very tired and sickly; he is constantly falling asleep throughout the scene. 

 

RAINNY

And what are you gentlemen doing here?

 

COUG

Waiting.

 

RAINNY

Obviously. For what?

 

BURGIS

Really? Is it that obvious?

 

RAINNY

Yes. What are you waiting for?

 

BURGIS

The Quickening.

 

RAINNY

No, seriously?

 

BURGIS

No. Seriously. This parking lot’s going to open up. And me and Coug are going to have at each other-

      (in the manner of a movie voice-over)

“There can only be one.”

 

COUG

Yep.

(looking at a watch that isn’t there)

Should happen soon.

 

BURGIS

Any minute now.

 

Rainny looks over to his brother, who has fallen asleep.

 

RAINNY

(yelling)

Wake up idiot!

 

He slaps him on the back of the head. Theo wakes up, startled by the strike, but then settles back into his trance like state. Coug gets up and walks over towards the car.

 

(From this point on the dialogue becomes the slightest bit faster, in the style of an Abbot and Costello act.)

 

COUG

      (curious)

What’s with him?

 

RAINNY

Him?

 

He points to his brother, who is clearly out of it, and not paying attention them in the slightest.

 

COUG

      (pointing as well)

Him.

 

RAINNY

      (still pointing)

That guy?

 

COUG

      (still pointing)

That guy.

 

RAINNY

Oh, nothing

 

BURGIS

It’s obviously something.

 

RAINNY

No, really. It isn’t.

 

He gets out of the car.

 

RAINNY (CONT)

So, seriously. What are you doing?

 

BURGIS

What are you doing?

 

RAINNY

I’m going to the store.

 

COUG

What’s with him?

 

RAINNY

Him? Nothing. What’s with you?

 

BURGIS

We’re waiting.

 

RAINNY

Obviously. For what?

 

BURGIS

The Quickening.

 

RAINNY

(annoyed)

Seriously.

 

BURGIS

Seriously.

 

COUG

Creston.

 

BURGIS

(annoyed)

Oh, c’mon.

 

COUG

Sorry.

 

BURGIS

You’re always spoiling my fun.

 

COUG

Sorry.

 

BURGIS

(recanting)

Meh, I would’ve gotten bored one more “Quickening” later anyway.

 

RAINNY

I would’ve left one more “Quickening” later anyway.

 

COUG

      (to Burgis)

See, it’s good I cut you off. We wouldn’t want to drive this kind gentleman away.

 

BURGIS

We need the company.

 

COUG

Definitely. And if you had your way, he would have left us. We don’t want that.

 

BURGIS

Sorry.

 

COUG

What would you do without me?

 

BURGIS

I don’t know.

 

He thinks.

 

COUG

You’d be so lonely.

 

BURGIS

(not listening)

I’d probably be lonely.

 

Rainny looks into the car at his brother, sees that he’s asleep. He hits the window.

 

RAINNY

      (yelling)

Wake up!

 

Theo does the same as before:  he is startled by scream for a second, then eases back to his state. 

 

BURGIS

Why can’t he sleep?

 

COUG

Let the boy sleep.

 

RAINNY

No, he can’t!

 

He hits the glass again.

 

 

COUG

Why not?

 

BURGIS

What’s with the sleep deprivation?

 

RAINNY

It’s nothing.

 

BURGIS

(to Coug)

It’s something.

 

COUG

(to Burgis)

Definitely something.

 

BURGIS

Absolutely something.

 

RAINNY

So what are you doing here?

(remembers)

Creston. Why?

 

COUG

He told us to be here.

 

BURGIS

He told you to be here.

 

COUG

He told me to be here, because he knew we’d both be here then.

 

BURGIS

Probably.

 

COUG

Definitely.

 

RAINNY

Most definitely.

 

He looks back into the car.  

 

RAINNY

Wake up!

 

Burgis and Coug shoot each other a couple of confused looks.

 

RAINNY (CONT)

(to himself)

Boy’ll be the death of me.

(to Burgis and Coug)

Don’t worry about it.

 

COUG

O...k...?

 

RAINNY

So why are you here?

 

BURGIS

Creston.

 

RAINNY

I know. But why?

 

BURGIS

Don’t know.

 

RAINNY

How do you not know?

 

COUG

Don’t know.

 

RAINNY

Well, why did he tell you to be here?

 

BURGIS

He didn’t.

 

RAINNY

He didn’t tell you?

 

COUG

Nope.

 

RAINNY

That makes sense actually.

 

BURGIS

Right?

 

RAINNY

It amazes me that he gets away with it.

 

COUG

Me too.

 

BURGIS

Me four.

 

Rainny and Coug at him.

 

BURGIS (CONT)

Well, I’m assuming that homeboy over here

(points to Theo)

            does too.

 

RAINNY

(yells into the car)

Wake up, pig!

 

Burgis and Coug look at him with confused looks.

 

RAINNY (CONT)

(looking back to Burgis/Coug; matter-of-factly)

I got sick of idiot.

 

BURGIS

      (trying to act casually)

So...

 

COUG

Seriously what’s -?

 

RAINNY

Don’t worry, it’s nothing.

 

COUG

Alright.

 

BURGIS

So, what are you doing here?

 

COUG

Other than sleep depriving your little brother.

 

RAINNY

Going to the store.

 

BURGIS

For what?

 

Rainny looks in the car.

 

RAINNY (CONT)

Wake up!

      (to Burgis and Coug)

I should get going though.

 

BURGIS

For what?

 

RAINNY

So, I can get to the store.

 

BURGIS

No, what are you going to the store for?

 

RAINNY

Oh, you know, A little of this, a little of that.

 

BURGIS

Which is?

 

RAINNY

Um...

(a beat; laughs)

I don’t remember actually

 

BURGIS

(laughs)

Wonderful.

 

COUG

Indeed.

 

RAINNY

(thinking)

I’m positive that was butter involved somehow.

 

BURGIS

(laughs)

That sounds like a situation I want no part of.

 

RAINNY

(laughing)

Hot.

(a beat, as he thinks some more)

Maybe some eggs, too.

 

BURGIS

Well, of course. What’s a buttery orgy without some eggs?

 

RAINNY

I’ll tell you – Nothing! – That’s what.

 

BURGIS

Amen to that.

 

COUG

What are you getting it for?

 

RAINNY

Don’t know.

 

BURGIS

The old lady just sent you out blindly?

 

RAINNY

Nope, dad.

 

COUG

Dad sent you out blindly?

 

RAINNY

I don’t know, he said something. But you know me.

 

 

BURGIS

Yes, we do.

 

COUG

      (to Burgis)

Worst case of selective hearing I’ve ever seen.

 

BURGIS

      (to Coug)

Oh, the absolute worst.

 

COUG

(to Burgis)

Never be another one like it.

 

BURGIS

      (to Rainny)

Have you ever gotten it checked out?

 

COUG

Never needed to probably.

 

RAINNY

And even if I did, I probably wouldn’t listen anyway.

 

BURGIS

Hmmm...Good point.

 

RAINNY

What was that?

 

BURGIS

I said,

      (louder)

 “Good point.”

 

RAINNY

I guess you did.

 

BURGIS

I did.

 

COUG

He did, I heard him.

 

RAINNY

I should get going.

 

BURGIS

I’m sorry?

 

RAINNY

I said,

      (louder)

“I should get going.”

 

COUG

He did, I heard him.

 

He opens the car door and starts to get in.

 

RAINNY

But...

     

He stops himself.

 

COUG

But...?

 

RAINNY

I still don’t know what I’m supposed to be getting. And that won’t be good.

 

BURGIS

Not at all.

 

COUG

Why don’t you call and ask?

 

RAINNY

Oh, good idea!

 

He looks into the car at Theo, who is once again sleeping against the window.

 

RAINNY (CONT)

(yells)

Idiot!

 

Theo jumps. Rainny sticks his hand into the car.

 

RAINNY (CONT)

Phone!

 

Theo frantically starts searching for Rainny’s phone. He finds it and hands it to Rainny, who dials a number and puts the phone to his ear. He shivers, and closes his phone.

 

BURGIS

What happened?

 

Rainny doesn’t answer, then looks back at his brother.

 

RAINNY

Coat!

 

Theo looks into the backseat, grabs Rainny’s coat, and hands it to him.

 

RAINNY (CONT)

Hold!

 

Rainny hands Theo the phone, then he puts his coat on.

 

RAINNY (CONT)

Phone!

 

Theo hands Rainny back the phone.

 

BURGIS

What happened?

 

RAINNY

I was cold.

 

COUG

No. What happened when you called?

 

RAINNY

Oh, nothing. I was cold.

 

BURGIS

What does that have to do with it?

 

RAINNY

Well, I can’t make a phone call while I’m cold.

 

COUG

Why not?

 

RAINNY

I’d be shivering. That’s no way to make a phone call. No one should shiver when they speak.

 

COUG

Oh.

 

Rainny dials the number again, and puts it to his ear. Burgis and Coug wait silently as he makes his call. Rainny looks in the car to his sleeping brother.

 

RAINNY

      (yells)

WAKE UP!

 

Theo wakes up startled once again. Rainny turns back to Burgis and Coug. He looks very frustrated, then hangs up the phone, and throws it back to his brother. Finally, he turns back to Burgis and Coug, with a hollow smile.

 

BURGIS

What happened?

 

RAINNY

No answer.

 

COUG

That’s a shame.

 

RAINNY

Absolutely.

 

BURGIS

Definitely.

 

RAINNY

So, what are we to do about this?

 

COUG

We?

 

RAINNY

Yes, we. This is your fault, isn’t it?

 

COUG

(angrily)

Our fault?

 

BURGIS

(calmer)

I wasn’t under that impression.

 

COUG

(angrily)

How can you say it’s our fault? It’s your fault. You’re the one that forgot.

 

RAINNY

Yes. But maybe I wouldn’t have if I gone about my business. Instead of staying here to strike up conversation with you dolts. 

 

COUG

(to Rainny)

Dolts?

(to Burgis)

Dolts.

 

BURGIS

Dolts?

 

COUG

(angrily; to Rainny)

You’re the one that can’t remember a simple grocery list. What’s so hard about ‘Milk, Eggs, Bread?’

 

RAINNY

The milk.

 

BURGIS

The eggs.

 

RAINNY

The butter.

 

BURGIS

Butter? What butter? I thought it was bread.

 

COUG

(hopelessly)

You dolts.

 

Burgis and Rainny laugh to each other.

 

COUG (CONT)

Well, this is just f*****g perfect: standing in a parking lot, waiting for someone that might never show up, with two idiots. Just perfect.

 

Coug walks out of frame.

 

BURGIS

(to Rainny; annoyed)

Oh, see what you did? You made him mad. Now I’ve got to deal with that for the rest of the day.

 

RAINNY

Do you?

 

BURGIS

      (sighs; hopelessly)

Yea.

 

RAINNY

Do we apologize?

 

BURGIS

I don’t know.                   

 

RAINNY

How do you not know?

 

BURGIS

I don’t know.

 

RAINNY

(satisfied with the answer)

Alright.

 

Theo groans loudly from the inside of the car. Burgis and Rainny start looking around for the source of the noise.

 

RAINNY

The f**k was that?

 

Theo groans again.

 

BURGIS

(pointing)

I think it was him.

 

They both look inside the car.

 

BURGIS

      (looking inside the car)

What’s happening?

 

RAINNY

      (looking inside the car)

I don’t know.

 

BURGIS

Is he ok?

 

RAINNY

I don’t know.

 

Theo groans again.

 

BURGIS

Shouldn’t you check?

 

RAINNY

Why don’t you?

 

BURGIS

He’s your brother.

 

RAINNY

Good point...

(hesistantly)

Hey, bro... you ok?

 

THEO

(loudly)

Never again!

 

Rainny and Burgis look at each other.

 

BURGIS

What?

 

THEO

(terribly hungover; very weary and groggy)

Never– never- Never should’ve done it. Stupid- Stupid. Never should’ve done it. Too many people- too many people. Drinking. Chugging. Slugging. They made me do it. I didn’t want to. They made me. It was good at first. Nice. I was happy. It was nice. It tasted good. I liked it. I was happy. But...oh God-

(hits his head every time he says stupid)

stupid- stupid- stupid. She was cute- too cute. Never should have done it. She made me. With her eyes.

Blue pools. Green pools. Both of them. Greens and Blues and pretty, and wonderful, and beautiful. (>>>)

THEO (CONT)

They made me do it. Never should have. But I did. She handed me the- uh- a glass-  or a cup- Of nothing but...- ughh a bad taste. Yesterday it was wonderful. She was wonderful. Last night was wonderful. Till they came. Red and blue lights, and loud red and blue sirens. Such a blur, such a... we ran together. Ran far. For a long... time. Hand in hand we... ran. Far. Till the end of...

 

He wrinkles up his face as if he’s about the sneeze, but nothing comes of it, shakes it off, and goes back to rambling.

 

THEO (CONT)

And it was wonderful. The running, and the wind, and the night, and her, and the moon. Greens and blues. Blues and greens. Beautiful. She was... definitely. But- oh God- she made me do it. It was fun. She was fun. But- oh God- now it’s not.

(hits his head every time he says stupid)

Stupid- stupid- stupid- stupid. I tripped

 (rubs his knee)

It hurt.

(looks at his knee)

It hurts. It bled. Never again.

(shaking his head)

Never never. Never.

(grabs his head)

Ughh it hurts- so much. It aches- so bad. Why?- Oh why? She  tasted like was acid. The weak stuff. So, it didn’t hurt. It was nice. The way soda is.

(licking the roof of his mouth)

Like the sting of fizz.

(sudden realization)

The cold. That stang- stung?- sting?- stang. The night, cold air- it stings. Like a thousand- million little nips gnawing at the skin.

(sucks in air, holds it in for a second, then lets it out)

It stings the lungs. The lungs that breathe, the tongue that tastes, the teeth that... that...- ughh so

(hits his head every time he says stupid)

stupid- stupid- stupid- stupid- stupid. Baste taste. Bad ache.

(licks his chops)

Bad breath... I went home. Cold. Wet. Tired. Hungry. Tired. She wasn’t there. No. Definitely not. We parted. A long time ago. Well back then anyway. That is, then as in last night. It was a long time ago, within the space of one night’s time- No- wait- yes- no. It was a long time- no- yea- a long time within the... um... space of one night’s time...

yea, that’s right... It was a long time within the space of one night’s time... I think. (>>>)

 

THEO (CONT)

(holds his head in pain; groans)

Ughh, when will it stop. It never seems to stop. It never seems to end. Never ever, never... Never again- I was confused when I walked in. Well... not confused, so much as dumbfounded, and not so much dumbfounded as... well dead. Tired. Wasted. Weary. From the night. And I walked into my brother’s room. Tired, wasted, weary from the whole night’s running, chugging, slugging, and her, and fell asleep in his bed. I didn’t mean to, I swear- I swear. I never wanted to. If I could I’d do it different- differently. Except for her- she was perfect. Pretty. Too much so in both respects. I would do anything for her- anything- definitely anything. But I never wanted to do it– never never. I swear, Rainny, I swear. The smell woke me- that wasn’t nice- no not at all- it was harsh, and sour, and bitter- if an odor had the ability to have a taste, and be sour or bitter, or bitter and sour- it would smell like that- like... tuna that’s gone bad in a chlorine. A chlorine pool. Like her eyes, except they were blue and green, not yellow, that’d be disgusting- could I imagine yellow eyes? That’d be horrible- the horrible, fluorescence we all call yellow. I was wet, well not so much wet as I was damp. If damp had the ability to be wet- I’d’ve been like that... I’d’ve- I’d’ve been like that... cold. Well, I was, so I wouldn’t’ve been, since I was. I didn’t like it. That wasn’t nice. Not at all. It wasn’t me it was them. I swear. It was Col. Mustard in your room, with the damp-wet sheets and pants and blankets and pillows and shirt, and...and...soul. They made me do it, I swear. But never again- never never- ever ever.

(hits his head every time he says stupid)

Stupid- Stupid- Stupid- Stupid- Stupid- Stupid- St-

 

He stops suddenly, and looks straight ahead. He looks as if he’s about to be sick. Then he opens the passenger door very quickly and begins to vomit.

 

We see Coug, Burgis, and Rainny are looking inside the car through the driver’s side window. They’re completely awestruck.

 

COUG

Did anyone understand that?

 

BURGIS

I think I did.

 

 

RAINNY

I did

 

COUG

What did he say?

 

BURGIS

(to Coug)

When did you get here?

 

COUG

What do you mean? I never left.

 

BURGIS

Oh.

 

RAINNY

I think I’d better get him home.

 

COUG

Yea. You should.

 

BURGIS

What about the list of groceries?

 

RAINNY

A sick brother trumps groceries.

 

BURGIS

Good point.

 

Theo stops throwing up and closes the door then goes back to his trance like state. Rainny opens the driver’s door, and gets in.

 

RAINNY

Well, gentleman, it’s been...

 

COUG

(hopefully)

Fun?

 

BURGIS

Interesting?

 

COUG

Amusing?

 

BURGIS

A pleasure?

 

COUG

Incendiary?

 

BURGIS

Ecumenical?

 

COUG

That doesn’t make sense.

 

BURGIS

Well, neither did yours.

 

COUG

I know that, but it sounded like it did-

 

RAINNY

Interesting. It’s been interesting.

 

He looks straight ahead for a second, then back at them.

 

RAINNY (CONT)

I will see you Tuesday.

 

He puts his hand out of the window. Coug shakes it.

 

COUG

(shaking Rainny’s hand)

Hopefully.

 

Coug stops and Burgis shakes Rainny’s hand.

 

BURGIS

(shaking Rainny’s hand)

Beatifically.

 

COUG

(to Burgis)

We’re not doing that anymore.

 

BURGIS

(to Coug)

Says who?

 

Coug shoots Burgis a look of contempt, but the look defuses and he looks to Rainny smiling. 

 

COUG

(happily)

Goodbye.

 

He starts waving.

 

RAINNY

Goodbye.

 

He starts waving.

 

BURGIS

Goodbye.

 

He starts waving.

 

RAINNY

      (waving)

Goodbye.

 

Rainny drives away. Burgis and Coug keep waving as the car drives away.

 

(The dialogue slows down to the pace it was previously.)

 

COUG

      (waving)

That was...

 

BURGIS

      (waving)

Interesting.

      (pauses)

You’re not still mad are you?

 

COUG

Nah. I wasn’t angry. I was only joking around. You know, to make it interesting. Same as he was.

      (nods in Rainny’s direction)

 

BURGIS

Him?

 

COUG

Yea. Didn’t you think that? None of that struck you as, I don’t know, Vaudevillian, I guess.

 

BURGIS

Actually, come to think of it, it did.

(laughs)

Do you think he did that on purpose?

 

COUG

I’d expect so.

 

Pause. Coug stops waving, then Burgis stops.

 

COUG

Well, what do we do now?

 

BURGIS

I don’t know. We’ll figure something out. We always do.

 

COUG

(a beat; sudden epiphany)

OH, f**k! We should’ve asked him to use his phone- to call Creston.

 

He looks off in the distance, where Rainny drove off.

 

COUG (CONT)

F**k!

 

 

 

BURGIS

(laughs)

Now that’s Vaudevillian.

 

FADE OUT.

Author's Note

(>>>) This means there's a page break during the line.