Corvidura pt.1

The rays of early gods and devils burn my sight.

From whence do I appoint my Fathers?

Antennas to the sky in violent jest.

Hold no more your curing waters!

Bring no more these soiled men of Right!

These butied torments jerk me from my rest.

What may this sickness be, my Brothers?

To calm our kindred thoughts; we're Mad, at best.

What poisoned nursing forms within our Mothers?

I'll rip this feeble heart straight from her breasts.



A wall or was it flesh that made us truly weak?

new gods and devils on horizon.

The greatest joy believing is deceiving.

Take no more our truest vision.

Seek no more what crippled eyes do seek.

Accepting madness falsely births reliving.

We have received our final mission.

Free your mind of gods' and devils' breeding

And shout defiance from mount Zion's peak.

Sacrifice our mothers hearts, still bleeding.



Only then will progress bless us with her smile.

The gods and devils of this world emerged, in truth, as One.

Reviews

[H.]

Prophetic, of course. I'd expect nothing less from you.

There is no specific meter that you hold throughout the poem, but it does flow very well. The rhymes are natural and not forced. I like how you kept the idea of the mother for the end of both the first and second stanza--it was a great tie.

The wording was well done. The structure was uncommon, but still very easy to comprehend. Very aesthetic. I particularly liked line 4.

Well played, sir. It's your most ambitious album to date.

[Morgan Ashire]

Have you edited this since I last read it? I believe you have. It seems really cleaned up from what I remember. If you haven't, I must have been drugged the last time I read it, because I love it. The only thing that sticks out as odd now is the last two lines. Of those two, the very last one in particular. I don't know why, but for some reason it seems to go against the grain of the piece as was preceding.

[Morgan Ashire]

Filled to the brim with symbolism and imagery. Well written, but, in my opinion, lacking. There was not enough in this to truly know what the subject was about. This piece, even if written with small intent of a subject will still mean something different to every reader, but, on the surface, seems to be about nothing in particular. I'm sure that if some serious digging was done, a message could be conveyed, but even then, no subject, or, for that matter, reference point of direction is given or even spoken upon outside of the vastness of religion. It makes a few allusions to a form of some sort of ending, or reckoning, but it states nothing of which. There have been many in the bible and without more specifics, no one will be able to divine between them accurately. As a piece however, it is written well. The double spacing was annoying, but that's just a personal preference. I do like the symbolism. I like it A LOT! It helped bring a very enigmatic aire to this piece that is usually unparalleled by anything other than a similar piece. Over all, well written, but could use a bit more strength on the story side to break through the imagery.