Be Careful Tonight, Okay?

about bein saddddd

The only thing I've been brave enough to smile at all day is the clock,

His hands haven't moved in hours, 

He must have the time wrong.

I know better than he does. 

Every desire I have is quelled by some

Damp thing lying across me, fleshy and 

Bloated what so to pin me down-

I think it tries to keep me close to hell.

I can hear my heartbeat through every bone, feel

Every disease crawling over my 

Carrion brain- dead and stagnant as 

A late paper stuck in shallow introduction.

I can't get away from here for an 8 am but

I can very easily slide away for a glass of 

Some filthy cheap gasoline to pour

Down my throat and over my eyes.

Something lights me on fire every time-

That must be why I'm so warm.

I don't check in for a paper cup of pills because

It's been settled into my veins ever since I 

First knew I wasn't beautiful and since

The first time I saw inherited eyes cry at me

While I clenched thirteen-year-old fists and

Walked away from them cold enough to obliterate steel.

The same black shadow sits at my feet

And I know that 

The only way to stop it from touching me

Is by jumping.

But that didn't work the first three times.

Reviews

[R J Askew]

There is some lovely raw stuff here. I esp like the first line. It just makes me smile - wryly even. In fact I like the whole first verse. I like the self-depreciation of 'carrion brain' in part because it is so how we are NOT supposed to think in this facebook like world. I also like 'filthy cheap' not just any old gasoline but 'filthy cheap' stuff. Really like 'ever since I first knew I wasn't beautiful' because it is a daring thing to admit too. It is actually a beautiful thought in fact, esp as the most beautiful aspects of us are not visible. The best line is near the end though 'to stop it from touching me'. It's a very strong line because it is startling. It is very novel, but also not one we would wish to entertain ourselves perhaps. The very last line is a despairing dismount if it is read literally. And if it is not literally it is playfully brilliant in an arch way. Original and emotive stuff. Well penned.

p.s. I also like the title.

[scarlynn]

Wow, thank you for your time put into this review - I don't really know what to say except that it put the biggest smile on my face I've had in weeks. Things like this make me want to keep writing. Thank you!:)

[R J Askew]

My pleasure. We all need the odd smile. *bows*

[Perdition]

If I hadn't refilled my glass by now this would have done it. Just enough left out and more than enough poured into it to bring these lines out from the page and into a good solid ratttle. A slit at the soul and well done!.

[scarlynn]

Thank you so much for your review, it was thoughtful and I really appreciate it :)