The Quickening

While the equinox chimes

its crisp tilting alarm,

a powerful steam engine

across a golden landscape,

to awaken us into

a new dream,

a knowing wind that

tumbles us forward

we, wander across a path

where yesterday's dreams

crunch under our feet,

the rain trails in mud

wash over our old intent,

and we are born again

flannel cocooned inside promises,

the cleaned slates

of scholarly enchantments

chalk etched in tingling veins

hopes held ransom,

in an autumn bud

that may yet

bloom inside this

sleepy harvest cup

Reviews

[Creepy Swine Guy]

That ... is ... spectacular. The images live ... from the dreams of yesterday, crunching beneath our feet to the sleepy harvest cup.

I love it.

[Kristina Moulaison]

Thanks! :)

[Great Aunt Astri]

I am wondering about the form in this poem. Is there any reason why the stanzas are of different lengths? Also, although there is some lovely imagery is there a pattern in the metre? I did read it aloud but found that I stumbled a bit.

[Kristina Moulaison]

It is free form. Trying to find one would be frustrating. :)

[Kristina Moulaison]

Do you think it would make more sense to you if it had no spaces? Just curious.

[Great Aunt Astri]

Ah but it could also be very satisfying. Sometimes I write down the words flowing into my head. then later, using the other side of my brain, I enjoy knocking them into a more formal setting. You have a lot of wonderful substance in your poem which I feel could be worked with. But all forms of poetry are acceptable.

[Kristina Moulaison]

Thank you, I appreciate that. It is very interesting to me what others think. Thanks for sharing your real thoughts!

[Great Aunt Astri]

No I think you need spaces and it does not matter if the stanzas are of different lengths as long as each stanza makes a poetical point. I think what threw me was the tenses in the first verse. Instead of 'to awaken' perhaps 'awakens '. You have so much wonderful substance in this poem but I feel it could be worked on a bit ..polished up. A good way to see if a poem 'rings right' is to read it aloud. If it flows, then very often that is ok.

[Kristina Moulaison]

Okay, thank you! I appreciate your feedback very much!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

another poem filled with beautiful imagery...and haunting longing...

jacob