Mountain Man

letting go

He was beautiful, that mountain man.

And whenever he looked at me, the shimmer

was felt to my toes.

He was manly, that mountain man.

Letting his beard grow to please me.

That heart of his, that mountain man

was said to be made of stone.

But, I knew better.

he shared a softness only with me.

Nobody understood our love.

Two opposites.

Surly, that mountain man was.

And I being positive, bubbly.

How he charmed me.

With just his presence.

And I told him to be careful.

There is a thin line between love and hate after all.

And, my love grew into something monstrous

and his grew and fell upon the blossoming tree in the yard.

We were both so happy (so we thought)

Until the end.

Reviews

[Josh Reed]

First of all, thank you for sharing this; I really enjoyed it. Coincidentally, I had a poem named Mountain Man when I first joined this website, but it is lost now. To get to it, I really dug the beginning. Typically, I don't like love poems just because many times they seem to be straight out of a melo-drama manual, but this one is different in its approach, which is nice. It had a nice rhythm and the flow could easily be said to accompany the poem in emotion. As I scanned it, pacing and applying stress to syllables, I felt a strong connection to the poem. Though, it seems to break down in the middle, after the first few lines. After "But I knew better," the poem gets choppy and disjointed, taking away from that same rhythm in the beginning of the poem. Usually, I am all for changing the pace of a poem to reflect a certain emotion, but here I don't think it adds anything to the emotion of the poem. Then you dip your toes into the cliche with the "thin line between love and hate." Upon reading that line, I cringed a little, but the line is effective in its depiction of the end of this relationship. I hope that there is still another way to say it though. The last few lines are very good, but I'm not sure how I feel about the last line. Sorry, this got a little lengthy on ya. I enjoyed the poem and look forward to reading more of your stuff.

[deeps]

This is heartfelt, I can feel the emotion expressed in this.