Day 1 of Doing Me.

How did I end up here?

Does anyone else wake up at the age of 27 and wonder why the f**k you aren’t still 21? It’s an absolute cliché isn’t it? When I was 21, I was the life of the party. I was skinny, wore platform heels, caught the eye of every good looking person in the room, could drink way more than anyone else and had cash to waste on squashed frog shots. I was the kind of person who spontaneously pierced her nose or got an on the spot tattoo. I had a vaguely interesting job in a museum that allowed me to waste time writing letters and stories and an older man as my lover and partner in crime.

Now I’m an anxious, fat 27 year old who cannot stand her eyebrows, is completely undisciplined with her coffee and energy drink consumption and doesn’t have any exciting material possessions to my name. Just a steady recruitment consultant job that provides plenty of pressure to meet Kpi’s and chances to trawl Instagram being jealous of younger, skinnier and prettier girls.

When did I become this person? When did I become this jealous, bitchy, sarcastic woman? Because I am a woman now. There is no getting away from it. I can no longer refer to myself as a girl. I can no longer feel comfortable in the queue at a nightclub, I can no longer get away with slacking off at work and I can no longer wear anything described as ‘bandage’. The cute guy at my local liquor store doesn’t ask me for ID anymore. I’m embarrassed when other people ask me where I have travelled and the answer is Thailand and Vietnam. And f*****g Bali. I can no longer dye my hair with home packet jobs, I do have to actually wear makeup because I have uneven skin and crows feet now and I no longer have cash to waste every weekend. Money  goes toward personal loans, health insurance, rent, bills and phone credit these days.

Being an adult sucks. I took an Independent Living course in my last year of high school but nothing prepared me for how hard life is. You can have 5 year plans, career plans and master plans but nothing is going to pan out the way you think it is. I thought that by 27 years of age, I would be engaged to a loving and gorgeous man, have a cute Jack Russell puppy and an exciting and fabulous career in either Management (I have very good leadership/bossiness skills) or writing. I would also have travelled to New York City and have at least one property to my name. I would have invested in something from Chanel and my hair would be effortlessly shiny and on trend and other women would be jealous of my epic fashion choices. I was supposed to have stopped biting my nails and started waxing my legs instead of shaving them. I was supposed to have developed my pallet and be drinking expensive wine instead of any alcoholic drink put in front of me. I was supposed to have moved on from drunken nights out to chic coffee catch ups and high teas.

Instead, I find myself wearing unflattering  (but very comfortable) onesies at home and choosing to binge watch Orange is the New Black and From Dusk til Dawn whilst eating Peanut Butter Cups endlessly. I barely put on lip balm in the morning let alone brush my teeth. Sometimes I wear the same dress 3 days in a row. I take my antidepressants and pretend that I am going to go out and do something different and proactive today. I am definitely going to try harder at work and smile more. I am definitely going to only have one coffee and eat salad for lunch. I am definitely going to go home and take my poor dog to the park and try to cook my partner something other than 2 minute noodles. I am definitely going to watch something informative on TV or even better, do a jigsaw puzzle or something else that uses my brain.

Let’s be honest though. Watching the lives of the characters on Girls is a better choice for the end of my day because they make me feel better about myself. No one is perfect. It’s about finding your own version of happiness. So I am going to go and do me. Calories be damned. Peanut Butter Cups? Get in my belly!

Author's Note

First ever piece that I am putting out there. Give me your best shot.

Reviews

[Craig John Edwards]

Was a good read, we could all follow the social norms and pretend to be happy in the perception of rest of the world, Success is what you choose to achieve in your life and my legacy is my children they are the best of me and for that i'm happy.